Time After Time

When something happens one time you accept it as okay. If it happens a second time it might be a coincident. However, when it happens three, four, five times then you start wondering why? Why is Pixie waking me up at a few minutes past 3:00 AM?

It has been two months now since we lost Mom. Pixie had always been her cat. I will never forget my surprise when I came down three years ago to get my morning coffee and this little black cat waltzed out of Mom’s bedroom liked she owned the place. Mom of course put it on me saying that I wanted another cat. I thought she was kidding about adopting one of the litter that had been born in our storage shed. Little did I know that she had been letting one of the kittens in and feeding her and giving her the run of the house.

Pixie fits her name. She is a little rascal. She is into everything and everything is a toy. She is loving and funny and a brat. Mom loved her and Pixie had picked Mom out to be her special person. She added three years to my Mom’s life. She was with her when she died and stayed with her until my brother got home from work and could take over.

Pixie has decided that I’m her person now. She runs to greet me when I get home from work and wants to be held and cuddled. She stays close to me when I’m home. My brother is her go to person to get kitty treats. My Mom had spoiled her with deli meat and my brother continues to spoil her that way. I spoil her with hugs and cuddles.

For most of my adult life I had been a two cat household. When I lost Sasha a few years ago I had decided to just have the one cat. Merlin had always been a Mommy’s Boy. He had come into my life at the age of four weeks from a litter which the mother cat had abandoned. I had fed him bottles and he sucked on my fingers when he was stressed. He loved being an only child. Merlin hasn’t been too happy with Pixie deciding I was her Mommy now. He really isn’t into sharing. He also misses Mom because she would come upstairs and talk to him. They were two senior citizens together. He misses Mom. We all do.

A couple of weeks ago I realized I was no longer thinking of Pixie as Mom’s cat. She had become my cat. Pixie came to the conclusion at the same time. It was at that time that the 3:00 AM waking me up started. It wasn’t until two nights ago that I realized why. When it first happened I thought maybe she had a kitty nightmare. The second time I thought may be a coincident. As it continued to happen I wasn’t sure what was going on.

The doctor wasn’t sure exactly when Mom passed away but it was sometime during the night. I now know it had to have been a few minutes after 3:00 AM. Pixie must have tried to “wake” Mom up but of course it wasn’t possible to do so. Mom died instantaneously. Her heart just stopped. As Pixie has moved on to me being her person she is still haunted by that time that she tried and failed to wake Mom up. She is waking me up because she needs to know that this person isn’t leaving her. She is scared. In time the fear will go away and she will sleep through the night again knowing that I’ll be awake in the morning and pet her. In the meantime Cyndi Lauper’s song “Time After Time” is Pixie and my song.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories, time after--

sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--

chorus:
if you're lost...

you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--

chorus:
if you're lost...
...time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time