Frustration

My boss and I talked today. She can tell I'm frustrated. She also wanted some advice on how to get through to my hard headed brother who also works for her and get him to listen to her for a change. She picked up on the fact that one of the main sources of my frustration is the responsibility for caring for my Mom and my brother and the possibility that another one of my brothers is talking about moving out here. She wondered why I didn’t get my own apartment where I could still be near Mom but have some space of my own. Originally that was what I planned on doing but now it would upset Mom too much if I were to move and take my cat with me. She has gotten so used to having me around and with her health I worry about not being close in case her heart goes ballistic. She has come to depend on me. It is a pain to be the responsible one sometimes.

Still my boss is correct and I am frustrated with trying to deal with Mom’s health and a brother whom I love but who is highly irresponsible. He has a good heart but he just doesn’t think and I find I’m getting more and more frustrated with him. I cringe at the idea of another brother moving in since he is even more irresponsible then the oldest brother and I don’t feel like taking care of someone who through his own negligence has let his diabetes get out of control. I hope that doesn’t make me sound heartless but right now I’ve got too much on my plate. Another person to look after would be too much of a strain on my Mom and I know Mom she would baby him as much as she does my oldest brother. Both brothers need something called maturity and to stop expecting Mom to bail them out of the messes they get themselves into.

As frustrated as I am I know that realistically I need to stay here with Mom. Someone needs to take care of her. I’m sure my mood is down in part because of the fact that the injured ankle is still as bad as it was two weeks ago when I first hurt it. If I wasn’t in constant pain I’m sure I’d be in a better mood.

I hope that the talk my boss had with my brother shook him up enough to straighten him up at work. He has to remember that she is the boss and it is her way or the highway. If he settles down then that will be a big load off my mind. I am going to talk to my younger brother and just let him know moving out here is not feasible. After the first of the year I think I will take some time to set up an internet business and start selling my art there. I use to  sell my art at science fiction conventions in California but out here in the farmland of Indiana there just isn’t the sci-fi community that I’m used to so I will have to go another route. Maybe that will be what is needed to make me feel less frustrated.

The picture is called "By Dawn's Early Light."