What Do You Get

One of my favorite newsgroups has been plagued by an idiot troll for almost three years now. In many ways he reminds me of my ex-husband who was a very abusive man. It got me thinking about what do abusers get out of their behavior? What are the consequences? Do they gain anything?

On the newsgroup the troll is met with scorn, ridicule, and hostility. Yet he keeps posting. My ex has destroyed two marriages, estranged his only child, estranged his only sibling, been forced out of numerous jobs, lost all his friends, and is even ostracized from the "furry" community. I have experienced people in the workplace who are verbally abusive and they have no respect from their fellow employees. No one likes them and they are spoken of only in the negative behind their backs.

What all of these abusive people have in common are big egos. They think they are the most important people in their worlds. They have a pathetic need to be in control. They are loud and obnoxious and are constantly trying to bring attention to themselves by shouting "See I'm important! Really I am! Important!" They are the whiners that complain that nothing is their fault. Everyone else is to blame. They are perfect. No one sees how important they are.

These people are so out of touch with reality that they do not comprehend how the rest of the world sees them. They are the paranoid delusionals of this world. Their power is just smoke and mirrors. It doesn't exist. It is there only in their minds.

No man is an island. People have to interact with their fellow beings. Those relationships can be rewarding or they can be miserable. People should be treated with respect. If you give respect and friendship you get respect and friendship in return. My mother has a saying that "he is only happy when he's miserable." I think abusive people have shut out happiness and decent emotions so that the only thing that exists in their lives is self satisfaction. They are incapable of sustaining fulfilling relationships because they drive people away from them. They fail to realize that people can turn their back on them and they are left with no one but themselves.

My ex has ended up a bitter lonely old man. No friends. No supportive coworkers. No family. Abusers end up alone because no one  wants to be near them. They are scorned and ignored. They are on the outside looking in when it comes to friendship and the warmth it brings. They have no one in their lives but themselves and that makes for very poor company. What have they gained? Absolutely nothing.