“I can believe anything provided it is incredible.” Oscar Wilde
Encarta’s Dictionary defines conspiracy theory as “a belief that a particular event is the result of a secret plot rather than the actions of an individual person or chance.” Now I am an X-Files fan and I can do conspiracy just as well as Fox Mulder can. Despite being a redheaded female I identify more with Mulder than Scully. That being said I have to admit that I am getting tired of the same old conspiracy theories. I’m just not in the mood for any more Government/CIA or Aliens/Area 51 scenarios. While being laid up fighting the flu I decided to give my fever afflicted brain a break and did some surfing of the web to try and make sense of some things that just were not computing properly in my head. I discovered that there are people and organizations out there trying to keep the truth from being known. However Mulder taught us that the truth is out there so as a public service I will reveal what my research has uncovered.
Conspiracy theory #1 is Rush Limbaugh. For years something has been nagging at me every time I would hear or read Rush’s words. In one of those rare flashes, that some people think might be ESP related, it dawned on me what was bothering me. Rush kept reminding me of someone and that someone turned out to be Don Rickles, the insult comic of my youth. I decided to check and see if they might be related. What I discovered was even more frightening. These two people have never been sighted together. What is more if you look at pictures of the two you can spot the similarities between them. The truth is that Rush Limbaugh is Don Rickles in disguise. Remember these two have never been seen together. Never, ever. And this leads us to conspiracy theory #2, Joan Rivers is Sean Hannity is drag.
Conspiracy theory #3 is Fox News also known as Faux Noose. The truth about their strange behavior is in their name. A fox is a small “red” furry animal that is the frequent target of rich, upper class twits with nothing better to do with their time then hunt defenseless animals. Of course Fox is paranoid. They ARE after them. You want proof? The proof is in their comments about Bo, the White House puppy. Think about it, who is responsible for flushing the fox out of its lair? Dogs. Of course they are against Bo, he is a dog. It is all a White House plot.
Conspiracy theory #4 is Fox News. Hey, they are big enough for two theories. The real problem with Fox News is they thought with the name they were getting Foxy Brown to represent them and make them sexy. Of course they thought Foxy Brown was with Hugh Grant but as usual they got their browns mixed up. Hugh’s Brown is Divine. Michael Steele might have been able to tell them the hip-hop difference but he is too busy apologizing to Don Rickles, I mean Rush Limbaugh. So here these guys were thinking they had the sex appeal of Hugh Grant but instead they are stuck with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glen Beck, and Bill O’Reilly, who don’t have a ounce of sex appeal among them. You want proof? How about their reaction to the pictures of President Obama shirtless? POTUS has a toned and sexy body and here the Fox people are stuck with looking like John McCain shirtless. Of course they are jealous. As an aside VP Bidden please put your shirt back on. Thanks.
So there you have it. I think I proved my theories just as well as any other conspiracy theorist has. Rush Limbaugh is Don Rickles, Joan Rivers is Sean Hannity in drag, Fox News is running from the upper class who are trying to pepper their behinds with buckshot with Bo the White House puppy leading the assault and they are sexually frustrated because they aren’t Hugh Grant.
Encarta’s Dictionary defines conspiracy theory as “a belief that a particular event is the result of a secret plot rather than the actions of an individual person or chance.” Now I am an X-Files fan and I can do conspiracy just as well as Fox Mulder can. Despite being a redheaded female I identify more with Mulder than Scully. That being said I have to admit that I am getting tired of the same old conspiracy theories. I’m just not in the mood for any more Government/CIA or Aliens/Area 51 scenarios. While being laid up fighting the flu I decided to give my fever afflicted brain a break and did some surfing of the web to try and make sense of some things that just were not computing properly in my head. I discovered that there are people and organizations out there trying to keep the truth from being known. However Mulder taught us that the truth is out there so as a public service I will reveal what my research has uncovered.
Conspiracy theory #1 is Rush Limbaugh. For years something has been nagging at me every time I would hear or read Rush’s words. In one of those rare flashes, that some people think might be ESP related, it dawned on me what was bothering me. Rush kept reminding me of someone and that someone turned out to be Don Rickles, the insult comic of my youth. I decided to check and see if they might be related. What I discovered was even more frightening. These two people have never been sighted together. What is more if you look at pictures of the two you can spot the similarities between them. The truth is that Rush Limbaugh is Don Rickles in disguise. Remember these two have never been seen together. Never, ever. And this leads us to conspiracy theory #2, Joan Rivers is Sean Hannity is drag.
Conspiracy theory #3 is Fox News also known as Faux Noose. The truth about their strange behavior is in their name. A fox is a small “red” furry animal that is the frequent target of rich, upper class twits with nothing better to do with their time then hunt defenseless animals. Of course Fox is paranoid. They ARE after them. You want proof? The proof is in their comments about Bo, the White House puppy. Think about it, who is responsible for flushing the fox out of its lair? Dogs. Of course they are against Bo, he is a dog. It is all a White House plot.
Conspiracy theory #4 is Fox News. Hey, they are big enough for two theories. The real problem with Fox News is they thought with the name they were getting Foxy Brown to represent them and make them sexy. Of course they thought Foxy Brown was with Hugh Grant but as usual they got their browns mixed up. Hugh’s Brown is Divine. Michael Steele might have been able to tell them the hip-hop difference but he is too busy apologizing to Don Rickles, I mean Rush Limbaugh. So here these guys were thinking they had the sex appeal of Hugh Grant but instead they are stuck with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glen Beck, and Bill O’Reilly, who don’t have a ounce of sex appeal among them. You want proof? How about their reaction to the pictures of President Obama shirtless? POTUS has a toned and sexy body and here the Fox people are stuck with looking like John McCain shirtless. Of course they are jealous. As an aside VP Bidden please put your shirt back on. Thanks.
So there you have it. I think I proved my theories just as well as any other conspiracy theorist has. Rush Limbaugh is Don Rickles, Joan Rivers is Sean Hannity in drag, Fox News is running from the upper class who are trying to pepper their behinds with buckshot with Bo the White House puppy leading the assault and they are sexually frustrated because they aren’t Hugh Grant.
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