As Time Goes By

2006 is coming to a close. As always it has been a mixed year with some good and some bad. I'm spending the last day of the year battling a nasty virus. In spite of the flu I still managed to create something I am very proud of. I love National Geographic and their December 2006 issue has a wonderful story on Saturn, the jewel of our solar system. Based on photographs taken by the Cassini spacecraft and its discoveries about the moon Encelades I came up with this picture of what the scene would look like from the small moon itself. I am planning on getting the artwork to both National Geographic and NASA to see if I can generate interest in my doing space art for them. That is my plan for 2007. I hope all of you have a safe New Year's Eve and that the New Year itself brings you joy.

 

One More Day

"No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we become free." Buddha

I actually found my Oriental Wisdom calendar and ordered it from Amazon. If I had put in the correct name last time I was searching I would have found it earlier but I'm blaming this rotten cold that has my head all stuffed up. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;-) I also ordered six more calendar kits to have ready for gifts for this year.

I have one more work day for 2006 and then a three day weekend. Yeah! It has been a bizarre year at work and getting more bizarre all the time. I just do my job the best I can and leave it at the doors when I leave the building.  I'll probably spend most of the three days sleeping off this stupid cold in hopes it will finally go away.

Today's quote is really important. I have found that in the last few years that it is so true. We are the ones who enslave ourselves. If we can free ourselves of the burdens of being what others want us to be and stop and find out who we really are and be ourselves we will be much happier. Be the best you that you can be. You have to be able to answer the question "who am I?" Only you can know your strengths and weaknesses. Only you can decide what your core values really are. Yes their are others in life that it makes sense to listen to but in the end only you can decide what type of person you are really going to be.

I get very tired of hearing people blame others for their problems. It is time that people take responsibility for their own actions. You can take charge of your own life and be the type of person you can be proud of. I don't mean developing an overwhelming ego of "I'm the greatest." Learn to be a decent, caring individual who is comfortable in your own skin and with that comfort in yourself reach out and help others. Give others the help and comfort they need to better their lives so that they too can have the chance of being what they want to be.

Priceless

You have all seen the Master Card commercial where they say how much a couple of things cost and then end with something money can't buy and call it priceless. I was thinking about things like that this morning.

My mother is so tiny she gets cold easily. I found some nice warm pajamas and got her to try them. Then for Christmas I found her a soft, fuzzy and very warm light blue robe. Seeing my mother bundled up in her new robe and knowing she is warm. Priceless.

I got both cats a bag stuffed full of new kitty toys. Watching the two of them exploring the toy box with the new toys in it and deciding which one to play with first.  Priceless.

I have a rotten cold and over the weekend I ended up sleeping a lot. Waking up to have a cat stretched out on either side of me. Priceless.

I ran my own science fiction convention several years ago. At one convention I had Peter Davison as a guest. Peter insisting that my staff find me so I could go to dinner with them and then engaging me in talk about our mutual love of theater. Priceless.

The late Ray Sharkey was also a guest at one of my conventions. He was doing autographs when he saw a couple of my staff hustling me off to go eat and he turned to someone and asked "do I need to go rescue her?" Priceless. Later as he was preparing to leave he told me "come here doll" and gave me a big hug. Priceless.

At one of the first conventions I ran the late author Theodore Sturgeon came up and put his arm around me and said "let's run off to Ireland." Priceless.

My Aunt had one of those 7-Up glasses that looked like an old fashioned coke glass but upside down. My Dad called out very seriously "Michele come quick put your hand here the bottom has fallen out of the glass." I ran over and started to do so and he broke up laughing when he realized he had fooled me. Priceless.

I hold our new kitten Pixie a lot and when ever I take her over to mother she reaches over and "bonks" noses with mom. The look of laughter and love on mom's face. Priceless.

I was talking to the daughter of a dialysis patient on my old job and was expressing sorrow at her death. The daughter told me, "Michele I could never have done this without you." Priceless.

Spending hours on a picture on the computer and not really being sure if it is the way I wanted it to be and waking up the next morning to see how it rendered and it is perfect. Priceless.

My niece when I went down to her wedding bringing the dress, veil and flowers with me and helping her get decorations and favors together and her telling me frequently, "Have I told you lately that I love you?" Priceless.

Christmas Day opening a package from my conservative Republican baby brother and realizing he bought his liberal sister Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope" because he knew I would want it. Priceless.

The love and support of my family. Priceless. Dad and the angels watching over me from Heaven. Priceless. God's love for me. Priceless.

The picture is called Snowy Delight.

Day After

It's the day after Christmas
And all through the house
The kitten's making more noise
The a two ton mouse.

So how can something that only weighs six pounds an has one tiny little bell on her collar make that much noise!

It was a nice Christmas is spite of the rotten cold. A special thanks to my baby brother who is the only Orange County Republican living in the San Francisco Bay Area for Senator Barak Obama's book. I gave up trying to explain to Mom and Old Ancient One why you sent it to me. ;-)

 

Merry Christmas

"To be able to hear the divine calling, for grace to flow abundantly, it is enough to love something dearly, music, the sun, or a little child." Ramakrishna

As we celebrate the birth of the Christ child may the joy and peace of this day be with you  throughout the coming year.

The picture's title comes from my favorite Christmas carol and is called All Is Bright.

That's The Spirit

I was just reading an article where football player Ron Springs is going to donate a kidney to an old team mate of his Everson Walls. That is the true spirit of Christmas.

The picture is called All Creatures Great and Small.

All I Want for Christmas

All together now let's sing!

All I want for Christmas is my cold to go away,
My cold to go away, yes my cold to go away.
All I want for Christmas is my cold to go away
I'm tired of sounding like a frog.

Okay we now return you to your regular scheduled Christmas music.

The picture is called Star and Moon.

Another Early Gift

My oldest brother finally got notification yesterday that the Army got his retirement pay straightened out and he will start getting it the first of the year. Yes! Whoohoo! This year has finally seen the culmination of a lot of behind the scenes work by me. My oldest brother had given up on the Army ever getting the pay he was owed straightened out. I refused to give up on it and got names, phones numbers, email addresses, etc of anyone and everyone who could possibly help. I wrote the letters, got the documentation needed, and forced him to sign the letters and mail them. It was important not only for him but to relieve the burden of worry on Mother. My brother went into this with pessimism high and kicking and screaming all the way that nothing would work. It would never be straightened out. Perseverance works.

One of my little brothers was giving up and wouldn't fight to get the disability he needed to be able to live and pay his bills. Again I went into high gear and got all the forms to him that he needed to fill out and get in to get the money owed him. Like oldest brother he was pessimistic but he now has his disability. Another burden off of Mother's shoulders.

Both of my brothers had cars that were junkheaps. Mother was constantly having to bail them out and pay for expensive repairs on their cars. I got on line and found out where the repossessed cars were being sold and now both of them are driving decent cars. Mother paid for them of course but she no longer has to pay repair bills on cars that weren't worth repairing.  A couple of years ago Mother bought me a car. My little Amelia (yes I name my cars) is a wonderful little Honda. Zoom, zoom. I wanted to pay Mother back but she wouldn't let me.

One of the greatest gifts this year was my niece marrying a wonderful man who loves her and her children. She deserves the happiness and the children deserve a loving father who is there for them. She called in a panic when she realized the relationship was getting serious and the greatest miracle occurred. God gave me the right words to say to convince her to open her heart and take a chance on love again. I was able to use my talents to help give her the wedding of her dreams. She always wanted a Princess Bride dress and that is what she was able to wear on her special day. I made the dress, veil and flowers for her. I sang The Irish Wedding Song for them.

I was there for another brother during the breakup of his marriage. He needed the emotional support and I made sure that he knew that he had my love and a shoulder to cry on if he needed it. For my youngest brother who got me into blogging we have both discovered the "joys" of snarks. In spite of the fact I'm a liberal's liberal and he is an Orange County Republican in the San Francisco Bay Area we are always there to support each other. Are you listening world? No one attacks my baby brother. You will hear from me.

Mother is getting ready to go at least part time and maybe even retire completely now that both of my brothers are going to be okay financially. That is the best Christmas gift of all. She has little Pixie here to keep her laughing and crawl up on her lap. Mother working full time was my last big worry.

So this has been a good year. Now that all of my family is taken care of I can take some time to try and get some things done for myself. First up is trying to find an agent to help sell the books and the art work. The reaction I have had to my card for this year has been so encouraging that I realize that there is an audience out there for my work. It is time to spread the joy people get from my art around.

The picture is called A Cat's View of Christmas.

FYI

If you see a posting with either the word "twee" or the phrase "someone woke up grumpy" then you know the person writing it is an idiot and will then proceed to let the world know what a jerk they really are. Right GK?

The picture is called The Star.

Pushing Myself

I have pushed myself the last couple of days. I am aware that their are a couple of people who read this blog just so that they can go back to their private group and laugh at what I say. Well in the geek tradition there are two quotes, "Laugh it up fuzz ball" and "Not my problem monkey boy." Geeks everywhere know where those quotes come from. Any way I realized I had been holding on to a lot of anger and I wasn't going to put Merry Christmas greetings on my old newsgroup because of a couple of people. I realized today that that was really petty and not the type of person I wanted to be. Why should I ignore the good people on the group because I am angry at a couple of others? "Consider the source" my Grandfather use to say. Thinking about it I realized that "Happy" was right. He may have only had a third grade education but my Grandpa was one of the wisest men I have ever known. I have put my greetings up on the boards, including the old one, and I mean the greetings for everyone with no exceptions.

So in this time of Christmas I would like to wish everyone who reads this blog a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays. That should take care of all the multitude of personal friend's beliefs who may be reading and the other readers whose names I don't know.

A special get well to all of those people down ill with the virus that is filling our hospital up. For my little brother I have been keeping your friend in my prayers along with his family.

The picture is called Christmas Reflections. It is from a previous year's card. You will have to wait until Christmas day to see this year's picture. ;-)

Progress

Well I guess we are making progress. Mother had the doctor write her a note restricting her to working 6 days in a 2 week pay period. It is better then full time but I really wanted her to quit. She is worried however about the cost of her medicines which keep going up and up and can cost over $300.00 each month and this is after both her insurances pay. I tried to find another insurance for her but no one wants to touch her because of her age and health. It infuriates me that the people who need health care the most can't get it. I deal with so many people who can't afford health insurance and those who have it are finding that the insurance companies are paying for less and less and sticking their insurees with more and more of the bills. Any way I guess three days a week is better then nothing and hopefully by this summer I can talk her into retiring completely. It is a matter of convincing her to use the money in her retirement fund and in the savings for herself rather then worrying about leaving the money to her children. We would rather have her around longer then get an inheritance. Unfortunately she worries so much about her children and grandchildren and not enough about herself. Sigh.

The Christmas cards are finally done and the last of the presents wrapped. We won't be seeing my Aunt until after the holidays so I have time to do her calendar. I'll probably go ahead and print it tonight and get it wrapped just so that it is finished. I may go ahead and order some more calendar kits and see if I can sell some of the calendars this year. This year's calendar came out really nice. I think it is the best one I have ever done.

I've been frustrated in trying to find an Oriental Wisdom Calendar for next year. No one seems to carry it and I can't pull it up on line. The publisher of last year's calendar doesn't even have it. I decided to go ahead and get a calendar featuring the Dalai Lama instead. I'm sure that there will be plenty of quotes in there that will inspire me to write.

Speaking of writing I do need to finish that short story I am working on and see about trying to find a publisher for the book. I don't have the money to try and self publish at this time so I'll try the agent route and see if I can find one on my field. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Christmas will be here soon and with a little luck the antibiotics will kick in and I can spend the day without going Merry Achoo. ;-)

The picture is called Trimming The Tree and is the first of the Christmas pictures I've done with Bryce.

Almost There

"If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive." The Bagagavad Gita

I have all but Mom and the cat's gifts wrapped. I have one more calendar to print out but that one will be hand delivered the next time we go up to see Mom's sister so it can wait a bit. I'll get the cards tonight after my brother makes a run to the Post Office to get some stamps. Then I'll actually be ready for Christmas for the first time in years with time to spare. No last minute run on Christmas Eve.

I can't see today's quote without thinking of the late Pope John Paul II who forgave the man who tried to kill him. What a great thing that was and a lesson to all of us. One of the major problems with this world is the inability of mankind to forgive anything. Some people are just incapable of forgiveness. I have noticed that the people who are incapable of forgiveness are nothing but bullies. It is part of their mind set that they are the chosen ones and forgiveness is for sissies. Sad isn't it?

What a horrible waste of life to allow ourself to be full of hatred and anger. How can you be happy if you let negative emotions rule your life? You can't. Even with all the news of terrible things happening in this world there are still stories of hope and courage and goodness to be found.

This is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of the Christ child. It would be well to remember the innocence of a new born child who is born without hate and resentment towards its fellow man. We should take that innocence into our hearts and make our gift to ourselves the chance to forgive those who have wronged us.

Wonder Why

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche

It is an interesting quote isn't it? I wonder about it sometimes as there is something that just doesn't make sense about it. If it doesn't kill you I guess it would mean you are a survivor but at what cost? Are you really stronger for it? I guess I just wasn't meant to debate philosophy or maybe taking philosophy in college at 8 in the morning when I was half asleep wasn't a real good idea. Then it was my freshman year and my first semester and I had Dad helping me out. It didn't dawn on my morning person Dad that his daughter was a night owl and didn't really function well before noon unless infused with massive amounts of caffeine.

I was reading someone whining about how anybody can have a blog on the Internet. For me that is the beauty of the whole situation anyone can write if they feel like it. Sometimes people read what you write sometimes they don't. I have no illusions that I am the greatest blogger on the net and that people are hanging on my every word. I write because I want to and it often helps me to get straight in my own mind how I feel about things that are happening in my life. Sometimes I hear from people who are touched by something I have said. That makes me happy. I like being able to help.

Blogging is a great stress buster too. It gives you a way of thumbing your nose at jerks who think they are at the top of the totem pole and are so important because they can dominate a newsgroup. Here it is your world and you are top of the heap. You have the final say so over who can access your thoughts and you can block people who are disruptive. You don't have to put up with jerks. I like that.

As long as a blogger has no illusions about changing the world blogging can be a tool for good in a person's life. I can get as personal as I want or say as little as I want. It is my blog after all. It is here in my little corner of the Internet where I can be free to talk about what interests me, makes me happy, makes me mad, whatever. This is my space and no one forces anyone to read it. So if you are reading welcome and I hope you like what you read and the pictures you see. If you don't there are plenty of blogs out there and I'm sure you can find someone with your own taste. Then again you can always write your own blog.

Half Way There

Okay the shopping is done I just need to wrap the stuff now. I have 2 calendars to print and need to do the cards still. I can print and wrap at the same time so I'll work on that tonight. Now if I can get rid of this stupid cold so I don't feel like death warmed over I would be happier.

While printing calendars I played around with Bryce. When I lost the computer a few years ago I lost three pictures. I had small versions of the pictures but not the large ones that I could print off and sell. I redid the last of the three By Dawn's Early Light and it came out nice. I had already done Chicago Winter Dreams and The Gift. While I was at it I redid a picture I have never been happy with City in the Sky.

Good news for me is that four people I know in Oregon and Washington came through the storms okay. I was really worried about them but got emails today to let me know they were okay. That is an early Christmas present for me knowing my friends were safe.

Sage Advice

"Do your best. Then, don't worry, be happy." Meher Baba

I think a lot of people need to take that advice. So many people beat themselves up with I should have done this or that or I shouldn't have said this or that. They dump a load of regret on themselves for things that are over and done with. My mother is a classic example of this. I don't know how many time I've tried to tell her she isn't stupid. She has this mental image of herself as such and nothing can break her out of that image.

In life the only thing you can really do is your best. If you do that then the results will be the best that they can be. You have done everything you can and it is time to let go and move on. If you spend too much time on regrets for things that could have, should have, might have then you take any time from the now that needs your attention. I know there are things in my life that I wish I could do over but I can't. I have learned to give myself a break. There will be good days and bad days, be gentle with yourself on the bad days.

One thing you can do with your life is to try and do things that will prevent regrets. I really miss my Dad but when he was alive I emailed him almost daily and talked to him at least once a week. I spoke to him the day before he died and told him I loved him. As much as I miss him I know that he had no doubts of my love for him. It is important to let family and friends know that you care about them. Don't just assume that they know you love them make it a part of your life to tell them frequently. I love you can never be said too many times.

Some things can be redone in life. People get a second chance at happiness if they are willing to let themselves be open to it. One of the most important conversations I ever had was with my niece when she was panicking over a new relationship. She had just come out of a bad marriage and was scared. I told her that she had to allow herself to love again and not be afraid. That if this relationship was meant to be then she needed to embrace that. The result was a beautiful Princess Bride and a very happily married young lady. Open yourself up to life.

In my art I have some pictures that I was never really satisfied with. I finally realized that I could redo those pictures using the skills that I have honed since I did the originals. It doesn't invalidate the original pictures because it shows a pattern of growth in my skills. In my writing I can rewrite things I'm not satisfied with and make them better. You are not stuck in the past. Embrace the now and look forward to the future.

The picture is called Perchance To Dream.

One Of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and feel like pulling the covers over your head but you can't because there is too much work on your desk to do and it would still be there on Monday morning only doubled? Yeah one of those days with a nasty cold coming on and you really don't feel like dragging your aching body into work but you do any way. This was one of those days when the Vick's DayQuil just wasn't up to the job but I snuffled my way through the working day.

Something happened however that made it all worth while. I do a calendar each year using my artwork from the proceeding twelve months. I have a lot of family and friends who really love the calendars and that is what they want for Christmas each year. Well last night I printed the first of the calendars. I always print the one for the house so I can check and make sure there aren't any mistakes in it. My coworkers have been asking me to bring the calendar in because they like looking at it. Well this year the remarks were absolutely fantastic. I work with people who rarely give compliments but I felt so good after the review my coworkers gave of the calendar. They just loved it.

It is sure tempting to go back to a certain newsgroup and let a couple people know how wrong the rest of the world thinks they are. As my second grade teacher said "take a look at her art work!"

The picture is called Door To Your Dreams and people really loved it.

Not Ready

Remember when the original Saturday Night Live performers were called the Not Ready for Prime Time Players? I sort of feel like that in regards to Christmas. I'm just not ready for it. I need to try and get everything done that needs to be mailed by Tuesday to get it there on time. Sigh.

I wish I could teach Pixie how to operate the computer and print off everything that needs to be printed. After all mother keeps telling me how smart she is I don't see why she can't help me out. Well she is a smart little thing however she isn't quite ready for college yet.

What Pixie has really done for this family is made mother focus on taking better care of herself. Mom wants to be around to take care of the kitten. She will stop and rest more when she is feeling tired because Pixie will climb on her lap. Sometimes it is the small, free things in life that are the most valuable. It is a good lesson for this time of year where rampant consumerism is the norm to stop and ponder on the things in life that can't be bought. Love, faith, kindness are all things that have to be freely given and received. You can't buy them. We have Pixie in our lives because mother felt sorry for the mother cat and her kittens and started feeding them. She is still feeding the other three kittens outside but Pixie wandered into the house and decided she was adopting us. You can't buy the joy on mother's face when Pixie will bonk noses with her. The beauty of love is the real meaning of Christmas. God so loved the world that he gave us his only son.

Bells

This is the time of year that you hear bells ringing. The Salvation Army is out in full force during this coldest time of year to remind people who are doing their Christmas shopping that their are poor people who need food and shelter. I hope people are taking the time to drop some money in those kettles to help those less fortunate then themselves.

There are two other celebrations taking place during the month of December. The Jewish people are celebrating Hanukkah and the miracle of the oil. When the Jews went to rededicate their temple after it had been made into a temple to worship the Greek god Zeus they discovered they only had oil for one day. Miraculously the oil burned for eight days. The celebration now focuses on the rededication of the Jewish people towards the spiritual aspect of their religion and their survival as a people.

African Americans are celebrating Kwanzaa which was founded by Dr. Maulana Karenga and embraces the seven principles dedicated towards family and community. The principles are:

1. Umoja (oo-MO-jah) Unity stresses the importance of togetherness for the family and the community, which is reflected in the African saying, "I am We," or "I am because We are."

2. Kujichagulia (koo-gee-cha-goo-LEE-yah) Self-Determination requires that we define our common interests and make decisions that are in the best interest of our family and community.

3. Ujima (oo-GEE-mah) Collective Work and Responsibility reminds us of our obligation to the past, present and future, and that we have a role to play in the community, society, and world.

4. Ujamaa (oo-JAH-mah) Cooperative economics emphasizes our collective economic strength and encourages us to meet common needs through mutual support.

5. Nia (NEE-yah) Purpose encourages us to look within ourselves and to set personal goals that are beneficial to the community.

6. Kuumba (koo-OOM-bah) Creativity makes use of our creative energies to build and maintain a strong and vibrant community.

7. Imani (ee-MAH-nee) Faith focuses on honoring the best of our traditions, draws upon the best in ourselves, and helps us strive for a higher level of life for humankind, by affirming our self-worth and confidence in our ability to succeed and triumph in righteous struggle.

Christians are celebrating the birth of Christ and this too focuses on family symbolized by Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus. In between the Santa Clauses and other secular decorations it is good to remember why we are actually celebrating Christmas.

December is a wonderful month to rededicate ourselves towards helping the family of man. Remember those who are not as fortunate as yourselves and you will be giving the greatest gift of all. The picture is called Eastern Star.

Get Real

One of my brother's called me a liberal's liberal in his blog which pretty much sums up my politics I guess. I am a passionate environmentalist. I care about this planet of ours and what we are doing to it with our pollution and disregard for science that proves there are problems. My frustrations were emphasized this weekend when another one of my brothers was bragging that a friend of his found a great use for Al Gore's book on global warming as it makes great kindling for a fire.

I am sick of this "oh a Democrat said this so it has to be wrong" mentality. Come on people get real! How about reading what top scientists say about the subject. Try here for an example. http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/changing.earth/?eref=aol

It is time that people stopped playing "party line" and started doing actual research into the subject and use their brains for a change. The brain has another function besides keeping your ears apart. Science is not the enemy. Get your ultraconservative heads out of the sand and start listening to what is being said about this planet. It is not a political question it is a question of survival on this planet of ours.

It is time that people of all political persuasions get together and look at a very real problem with this planet and see what can be done to improve Earth's health. We need to clean up the pollution of our air, water and earth. We only have this one fragile little planet to live on and we need to make sure that we take care of it.

The picture is called "Celestial Dance 2". I decided to rework and older picture.

Dream

They have been playing Christmas music at work the past week and one of the CDs they play has Vince Gill's Let There Be Peace On Earth where he sings the song and then his young daughter sings it. I love that particular song because it is how I try and live my life.

The last few weeks I've been feeling kinda down. While I love being Irish it does have a mood drawback in what is referred to as "black Irish moods" in other words a kind of depression. I have been looking over my life and trying to figure out where I've been and what I have accomplished in my life. I have been feeling pretty low and have felt like maybe I haven't done much with my life.

Last I had the strangest dream. In the dream were several vignettes where I was a participant but in every one I was the person who pointed people towards where to get the help they needed. I started the help process by listening to their problems and helping them get to where they needed to go to get done what needed to be done to get them what was needed to make their lives better and worth living. At the end of the dream I was rewarded with someone to be there for me and be my companion through this life. I awoke with such a feeling of peace.

Looking back at what has disturbed me the last few weeks I realize that the decisions that I have made have been correct according to my beliefs. While I enjoyed my newsgroup it was right to leave. I left making it clear that I did not approve of the behavior of three people in the group. It is not right to set yourself up as holier then God and then post constant viscous messages towards someone because you do not think he has the right to his New Age beliefs. This person posted a self righteous email to me quoting the Bible and going on how evil this person was and failed to see the mote in his own eye. He just assumed that this person was evil without knowing him based on what he assumed about his beliefs. As my Dad said there is a reason the word ass is in assumed because people who assume make asses out of themselves. The other two people are bullies who make up for their own inadequacies by bullying people on the net to make themselves look big. See the word assume you two. One of them is a bigot as well,definitely anti-Irish and most likely the person behind the homophobic posts as well. All three have in common hatred at their cores.

If anything my pondering about my life the last few weeks was underscored by last night's dream. I have always felt I was on this earth to help others. I may not have the riches of a Bill Gates but I give what money I can to help others. Most of all I try and help people in my jobs. My last job I helped people get their dialysis supplies so that they literally could continue to live. In this job I take every chance I get to help people who have no insurance and no money to pay for it get the medical help they need. I have put my personal life on hold to help my mother through her remaining years.

I have no doubt at all that God is there with me helping me through my life. He knows I am not perfect but I try. He forgives me when I err and helps me to do better. Most of all he gives me the comfort I need when I'm in a black Irish mood and lets me know that s/he notices what I have tried to do and that s/he has plans for me. I know I am not alone and s/he let me know last night I will not be alone in this world as well.

So God I want you to know I will keep trying to help others in any way I can. My solemn vow is that if I am ever in a position where I have the money to do so I will use it to help others. At this time of year It's a Wonderful Life is being shown and the ringing of bells symbolizes that another angel has earned its wings. My dream is to found the "Angels Wings Foundation" dedicated to being a place where people can volunteer and help others and not just throw money at a charity. I want a place where people can help make a difference in other people's lives.

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.

The picture is called A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes.

Sunset

"If your eyes are blinded with your worries, you cannot see the beauty of the sunset." Krishnamurti

One of the things I have been working on in my life is to not worry about things that I can do nothing about. There is enough to be concerned with that I can affect.

What are some of the things I am shrugging off? Number one has to be the computer conversion fiasco at work. I had nothing to do with this supposed great update and the piece meal way we are being shown how to use the system. It doesn't really work and I hear enough complaints from my two coworkers that I really don't need to comment. I can't do anything about it so I'll just take the paycheck and go on with my life.

Another thing I'm doing is reworking how I relate to my mother. I can't force her to retire although I can urge her to take better care of herself. Nagging mom just doesn't work. My new strategy is to wait until she brings retirement up and agree with her that she should do that. Of course letting her know that Pixie needs her at home does help. Hey I said I was rethinking I didn't say I wasn't plotting.

One of the main things I can affect is my health. I am trying to be more aware of taking my medicine when I am supposed to in order to keep the asthma under control. Winter is actually my best season asthma wise because there is a shortage of pollen to kick the allergies up.

I am going to spend the weekend working on Christmas things so that I don't have the last minute stuff to worry about this year. I have the calendar and the cards designed and can sit down at the computer and print them off. Tomorrow I plan to go shopping at one of the bigger malls out of town and try and get the rest of the shopping stuff done. In between I'm going to make a big pot of chili because it is the perfect weather for it.

The picture is called Fiery Sunset.

Space

Outer space has gotten a lot of press these last couple of weeks. First we had Stephen Hawking urging mankind to spread out and colonize other planets. We then have NASA planning on putting a permanent base on our moon. Now we have the news that water may still be flowing on Mars. Cool!

Ever since I discovered science fiction as a child I have always been fascinated by men going into space. I want to know what is up there in our sky. I am one of those people who believe we are not alone in this universe and that there are other beings out there. Hopefully they have gotten beyond the stage where they are always in danger of blowing themselves up.

One of the things science fiction talks about is superior beings who are waiting to contact us until we demonstrate that we are mature enough as a species that we won't bring our destructive ways with us. It makes sense to me. I certainly wouldn't want as my neighbor someone who builds bombs and rattles sabers.

If mankind would learn that they are one race, human, and learn to get along with each other we could take that vast amount of money we spend on war and channel it into making sure that everyone on this planet has a decent standard of living. Once we learn to take care of each other we can reach out to the universe and explore.

The picture is called Celestial Dance.

Ambition

"He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to obtain the ashes." Chinese Proverb

I really like that thought for the day from my Oriental Wisdom Calendar. You only need to look around to see how true that proverb is. How often ambition gets out of control and the person decides that what they want must be obtained at all costs regardless of who gets hurt in the process.

The first people that spring to mind are politicians who will sacrifice all principles to be elected. This year's mud slinging campaigns are proof of that. I abhor dirty politics. In an ideal world it would be persuasive arguments of how a candidate's programs would work to better this world that would be the deciding factor.

In the work place you see the back stabbing and gossip used as a tool to advance one's career. I found that in my old job to be especially true. She didn't care about the patients and nurses who loved me because I did my job so well and with such compassion. This lady wanted me out because I was the one who was loved not her. So she got the company to believe her lies and harmed patients whose lived depend on getting their supplies properly.

You see this ambition on the boards where someone wants to be the big cheese and will use bullying tactics to drive off anyone who challenges them in their perception of being number one. It doesn't matter if the person they target is on topic and discussing in an intelligent manner the topic of the board or not. Their idea of being the big man is how many people can they drive off the board.

Egos can be such destructive forces in this world.

Fly Away

There are a lot of places that I would like to visit. I think the top of my list has to be Ireland. We are Irish on both sides of the family and I really would like to visit the land where my ancestors emigrated from. The same goes for Scotland where ancestors of our Dad were from the Highlands. I would probably add Wales to the mix just because I would like to see the places where Mary Stewart's "Merlin" series started. I would like to see some of the theatre in London especially something by the Royal Shakespeare Company and the National Theatre. My dream would be to see Kenneth Branagh live on stage.

Hawaii is another place that is high on my list of where I would like to visit. On my old job one of my territories was Hawaii and my patients were always asking me to come over to visit. I would like to see all of the islands. It is especially tempting now with snow coming in tomorrow and the temperatures getting down into the single digits.

Hong Kong is also on my list of places to see. I am intrigued by the place. I would eventually like to see a lot of China especially the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. One of my favorite mystery series is Robert Van Gulik's "Judge Dee" series which is set in ancient China.

Like all good geeks I want to visit New Zealand and take the tours that show you all the places where "Lord of the Rings" was filmed. It looks like such a beautiful country. If I am going down under I'll of course want to see Australia.

When I was a child I had always hoped that I would be able to visit other planets. It looks like they are going to put a permanent space station on the moon. I don't suppose they would need an artist to come along? One with a couple of cats maybe? ;-)

The picture is something I was fooling around with last night and is called "Fly Away."

Stop and Listen

"I may not have any design upon my neighbor as to this faith, which I must honor even as I honor my own. For I regard all the great religions of the world as true, at any rate for the people professing them, as mine is true for me." Mahatma Gandhi

Today's quote from my Oriental Wisdom calendar needs to be taught everywhere. Too often people get caught up in their own faith and fail to realize that someone else's faith is just as valid as their own. I know so many people whose religious beliefs are different from my own everyone from Druids to Evangelicals to Jews to Buddhists to Taoists to Protestants of many denominations as well as my own Catholics and even Atheists which is a conscious choice not to believe in God.

Humans have a tendency to lump other humans into categories. This is especially true when it comes to religion. I would like to see more tolerance of other religions and a more ecumenical approach to religion. It is great when a person has a religion and follows it, however mankind has a tendency towards intolerance towards beliefs that are different then their own. If someone's beliefs don't dovetail with theirs many people immediately go on the offensive towards the religion of the one who is different.

Spirituality comes in many different shapes and forms. The New Age beliefs of many of my friends is a case in point. While much of it seems to be pretty far out as far as I am concerned still there is an element of spirituality and a oneness with the universe that does resonate with me. I find that many of these people act in a more "Christian" manner then some so called Christians. They are more tolerant of others beliefs.

The God we worship is the same one regardless of how we look at him/her. I wish that when people encounter a religion that is not their own that they would look on it with an open mind and see that it is an affirmation of the same God just seen from a different perspective. If there were more tolerance in the world towards people's religious beliefs there would be more peace.

The picture is called "Hazy Shade of Winter" because this snow falling here in the Midwest doesn't care what religion you are. You still need to shovel out that driveway.

Birthday Wishes

Today is my older brother's 60th birthday. Of course we are all giving him a bad time. That is what siblings are for isn't it?

Unlike my brother I listened to my Dad when he told me to find an age I liked and stay there. So while he is 60 today I plan to stay at 29 and holding.

The picture is "Guardian of the Fire" and we will definitely need the dragon if we plan to put 60 candles on Mike's cake and yes the Fire Department is on alert.

 

Heading for a Storm

We have our first winter storm upon us. Not sure how much snow we are expecting here in central Indiana. I doubt as much in the picture which is a rework of Chicago Winter Dreams. It is one of the pictures I wasn't totally satisfied with and used new tools at my disposal to redo.

It is "AIDS Awareness Day" and hopefully people will listen and try and do something to stop the epidemic. I hope God opens the minds of those going to the big conference in the San Francisco Bay Area so that those complaining about Barak Obama being there will shut their mouths and not their hearts and listen to what he has to say about AIDS in Africa and how we need to help. People are dying and that is more important then anything else today.

I am also more then a little concerned about Newt Gingrich spouting off again about wanting to curb Freedom of Speech. Didn't that clown disappear after a political scandal? What makes this country unique is our Bill of Rights that gives us freedom from tyranny. Once you start chipping away at that then you destroy what makes us great. I am tired of this specter of "terrorists" being used to take away my freedoms. How Mr. Gingrich thinks he can stop the Internet is beyond me.  Common sense would tell you that if you curb speech you aren't going to be able to hear if someone is plotting "terrorism."

I am glad the weekend is here. My science fiction shows are on again tonight and I can kick back and relax. This weekend I will be working on Christmas presents for family and friends. I have one more month to design and the calendar is done. I'll get the card designed this weekend and start on the printing of those. Other then that it is the same old wait up until mother gets home from work and fret because she has to work this weekend in this horrible weather. I can hardly wait until she retires at the first of the year.

Anyone Home?

Evangelist Rick Warren has invited Senator Barak Obama to to speak at his AIDS conference and some ultra conservative evangelists are complaining because they don't agree with the Senator's abortion views. Hello this conference is on AIDS. You know the epidemic that is decimating whole countries around the world. One of the most deadly plagues we have ever had in history. You know the disease there is no cure for yet.

There comes a time when you have to start using some common sense. Senator Obama has done the research on AIDS especially how it has hit in Africa. If you are going to do a conference and get information out to the rest of the world you go to the experts. If you disagree with his views on abortion that is your right but this not the time or place to go into that issue. Right now the issue at hand is AIDS. Refusing to let someone speak on a topic he is expert at because you disagree with something entirely different is stupid.

I consider myself a very religious person but I get more then a little weary of the fanaticism of some of the ultra conservative evangelists. I hate to break the news to you guys but God loves us liberals also. We are not Godless. We are not heathens. The same God you profess to love loves us too. You don't have the inside track to God he is listening to all men whether they believe in him or not.

AIDS is something that has touched my life. The last convention I ran had the late Ray Sharkey as a guest. He was so sweet to me and was such a wonderful guest. He died as a result of AIDS. I was one of the people who worked on the square dedicated to him on the AIDS memorial quilt. A very close friend died of AIDS. He would babysit my cats for me if I had to be gone for a weekend doing convention work. It hurts to lose someone you care about to such a horrible disease.

Senator Barak Obama belongs at that conference on AIDS. If someone wants to challenge him on his views on abortion do so at another venue. It is pure hypocrisy to attack his inclusion using "religion" as a cover for bigotry. If you are really a follower of Christ you love all men and want what is best for them. If you really are a follower of Christ you want all the information available on how to fight this plague called AIDS. If you are really a follower of Christ you will stop attacking others whose political beliefs are not your own as being Godless. Senator Obama has professed strong religious beliefs as have many of us who consider ourselves liberal. He is our God too deal with it.

What's New In Geekdom

Okay I'm a geek and proud of it. I took the "Geek Test" and scored "Super Geek." So what are we discussing now days?

It looks like a whole bunch of us are hooked on Heroes that airs on NBC on Mondays and repeats on Sci-Fi on Fridays. It has everything we need heroes and villains, time travel, super powers, conspiracy theories, etc. We are having a ball over in a newsgroup dedicated to science fiction shows. "Save the cheerleader, save the world." Okay he saved the cheerleader now how is that going to stop the bomb going off? And how does Sylar get his powers? And of course isn't the Japanese Hiro just the most adorable geek you have seen in a long time? ;-)

After a long wait we finally have Doctor Who back. Okay the consensus of opinion is that Christopher Eccelstone was okay for the one series he did but David Tennant is a whole lot better as the current doctor. The stories have ranged from great to so-so but at least the show is on the air again. The new female companion is a cut above the rest because at least she does something other then scream which was the prerequisite for other companions. Rose rocks and has saved the day and the Doctor more then once.

On the movie front the fans are up in arms about New Line nixing Peter Jackson as the director of the Hobbit and the next Lord of the Rings movie. Are they nuts! Don't they realize that he put them on the map and made them successful? For heaven sakes settle the lawsuit, audit the books, and let him make more billions for you. The movies they are contemplating won't be them same without the master's touch. Besides do they really think we would bother to see the movies if Peter isn't given the chance to direct them? Who do they think made them the smash hit they were? The fans of course, without us being happy no movie has a chance.

On the book front it looks like Anne McCaffrey has found a way around the severe arthritis by having son Todd help her with the Pern books. Like mother, like son. Terry Pratchett continues to be one of the funniest writers in the field. Of course the biggest speculation is who will be killed off in the next Harry Potter book.

That is an update of geekdom from one of the few geeks not in line waiting to get hold of the Wii system. That explains why I'm only a super geek and not an ultimate geek. I don't care for video games. ;-)

The picture is called "Are You My Mummy" and will be recognized by all geeks who are Doctor Who and Prisoner fans.

 

Heroes

I have been watching the new show on NBC called "Heroes." It is about a group of people who have discovered that they have special powers. It is definitely a geek show and one of the characters that the geeks really love is Hiro Nakamura played by Masai Oka who in real life is a geek like us. Hiro's power is the ability to teleport through time and space. Last night's episode he went back in time to try and save the life of a waitress who was killed by the villain in the show. He discovered that even though he had these super powers he still could not change history and save the woman he had fallen in love with.

I think last night's show will really resonate with anyone who has ever been a care giver. I moved in with my mother a couple of years ago to help take care of her. She has a very bad heart and one of the most difficult things is to watch when she is suffering from a heart incident and know there is nothing I can do. Her heart is failing and nothing will change that fact.

Hiro said in last night's episode that he had failed because he didn't save Charlie's life. He loved her but he couldn't save her. I think in real life care givers face the same feelings. We love the person we care for but we ultimately can not save their lives. Does that mean we fail? The answer to that is no we don't fail. We may not be able to save their lives but what we do provide is the love and care that makes their lives easier and happier.

Ultimately what life comes down to is what can you realistically accomplish? Can I make my Mom's heart better? No I can't. Nothing can do that. Can I care for her and make life easier and happier for her? Yes I can do that. I can do the shopping for her. I can help her around the house. I can be there to listen to her when she needs to talk. I can hug her and tell her I love her.

You do the best you can and even though you can not stop the hands of death you can make the lives of those you care for better. You are not a failure. You are a hero.

The picture is called "Protector."

The Blame Game

"God is in the abundant harvest: he is also in the famine that occurs when the harvest fails." Mansur al-Hallaj

There was a person in a newsgroup I use to be a member of who claimed he was an atheist and then proceeded to blame God for everything wrong in the world. He blamed God for not stepping in and stopping anything that went wrong. He blamed God because he had been born into a poor household and had to work his way through the world. Like the rest of us haven't had to struggle?

I don't think people really understand this God thing. They use God and the devil as crutches to avoid having to take responsibility for their own lives. "God told me to" or "the devil made me do it." No and no again!

God and the devil both exist and the word of both is out there for man to hear and act on. The important words are "act on." We were born with free will and that puts the burden of our behavior right smack dab where it belongs on us. We are responsible for our own actions. God is not responsible for what we do. The devil is not responsible for what we do. We are responsible.

We are free to study the words of both God in the writings of various religions or the words of the devil in the writings of people purporting to write about religion. We need to be the ones to wade through the writings and decide if this is really the word of God or the devil. Sometimes it isn't easy.

For me the bottom line is this, is what I am reading encouraging me towards good or hatred? If what I am reading exhorts me to condemn my fellow man for any reason then I'm not reading the words inspired by God. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said it best: "Hate is not a family value."

The hardest thing in life is to follow Christ's example and turn the other cheek. "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." Christ taught us to forgive and pray for our enemies. It does not mean that we allow evil to continue to exist. He did drive the money lenders from the temple after all. It means we don't hate our enemies but we need to try and stop them and return the world to what is right and good without succumbing to the evil that drive men to commit atrocities.

We are responsible for our own lives and behavior. God did not cause us to be born into poverty. He did not cause the famines. He did not cause the Twin Towers to fall. The fact that there is evil in the world is not the fault of God rather it is the fault of man who has turned his back on God.

God will be there for us in all times good or bad. He is our comfort and our joy. The only thing we need to do is let him into our hearts.

Celebrate Life

We are going up to see Mom's sister today. Her family is throwing her a big party to celebrate her 90th birthday which is this coming Wednesday. My Aunt's nickname is Bird and she is an astonishing woman. She won an award a few years ago honoring her for the many, many hours she puts in volunteering for various causes. At 90 she is still the cornerstone of her churches volunteers.

I really like visiting her house because there is so much love there that is wraps you in a warm cocoon of happiness. She always has children, grandchildren and great grandchildren there. Her little house is the Grand Central Station for the family.

Aunt Bird is mother's only remaining sibling and they talk at least twice a week for a couple of hours. These conversations always leave mother in a happy frame of mind.

So happy birthday Aunt Bird. If I had to choose someone to be my Aunt you would be at the top of the list. The picture is called "The Garden" and I created it especially for her to honor her on her 90th birthday. I have it printed and in a blue stained glass frame to give her as a gift.

Finding Peace

"Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace." Buddha

I think one of the things a person really needs is peace in their lives. I really resonate to today's quote from my Oriental Wisdom Calendar. Resentment can churn up so many negative emotions inside of a person and make life miserable. It is one of the things that I try hard to eliminate from my life.

One of the emotions that goes hand in hand with resentment is envy. I have known people who resent the success or abilities of a person and that resentment is invariably accompanied by envy. The two emotions turn the person into a bitter person who then attacks the object of their envy.

I am always happy when I see a person succeed at something. I believe each of us has a talent and that with the right support and encouragement anyone can succeed. I love the Special Olympics because it shows the world that handicaps are not barriers to success. Anyone can be a winner if they try.

I have come to realize that the times I have been personally attacked it has been by people who envy the fact that I am loved and respected by so many people. I have God given talents that I use and share with other people. I am open and honest. Their are people who resent anyone else succeeding because they are so insecure that they think it reflects badly on them if they aren't the center of attention.

It comes down to I and you centric beings. A small child is I centric. Their world revolves around them. As a child matures they start to realize that their are other beings who have needs and wants in addition to their own. A mature person becomes you centric. They start thinking of others in addition to themselves. Some people however never get beyond the I centric stage and even as adults feel they have to be the center of attention. Only they have ideas, abilities, etc. that are important. You is only there to take attention away from them.

One of the reason I avoid political blogs is the ego of so many of the writers. The blogger acts like they are the only person in the world with the right opinion. They rarely write about a situation without injecting their almighty opinion as to what really needs to be done. If only the world would listen to them then everything would be all right. They don't promote debate just monologues.

So today's challenge for me is to try and keep resentment out of my life. Okay I do resent that stupid alarm clock waking me up since it was such an interesting dream.

Giving Thanks

It is a beautiful day outside, crisp and cool. Most of the leaves have turned and fallen off the trees. The Business Office is closed so I have the day off. It is Thanksgiving and time to stop and reflect on the blessings of the year.

I am thankful my mother is with us for another year. Her health is frail but her spirit is strong. With the addition of little Pixie to the family mother is even more determined to live as long as she can.

I am thankful for the little kitten who has brightened our lives for the last couple of months. She is a bundle of energy and love. She enriches our lives by her existence and spreads the love to all.

I am thankful that my niece is married to a good man who is worthy of her love. She now has the type of father for her three children that they deserve. I am thankful I was able to make her the wedding dress of her dreams.

I am thankful that God continues to give me the talent to do art and writing. He has blessed me with an active imagination and given me the talents to express those visions inside my mind in both words and pictures.

I am thankful that I have discovered three new places on the web where I can talk to people about things that interest me without having to worry about jerks putting me down. I am happily chatting about science fiction shows, especially the new Heroes. I am also on a group that discusses mysteries and one that discusses graphic art. All the groups have people who encourage dialog and new ideas and most importantly do not put a person down if they have an idea that is different from theirs. Discussions are held in a civilized manner.

The picture is called "Abundance" and I hope that the holiday seasons are filled with an abundance of laughter, love, and good things for all of you.

Denying the Truth

Actors Mel Gibson and Michael Richards have been all over the news these last few months with their rants. Both of them have apologized but both of them preface their apologies with "I'm not a racist/bigot." Why make racist or bigoted statements then?

It is time that people really stopped and took a good look at themselves. Yes Mel you are a bigot. Your father denies the holocaust and you grew up listening to anti-Jewish tirades. You may not want to be a bigot but you did absorb what your father said whether you want to admit it or not. I don't know Michael Richards background but yes he is a racist. That anti-black tirade proves it. You wouldn't have lost it and started spewing out those words if in your heart you didn't feel that way.

The first step towards healing and overcoming prejudice is to admit it is there. Just as an alcoholic or drug user can not be helped until they admit their addiction a person with bigoted beliefs can not learn differently until they admit that they are there. You can not say "I'm not a bigot but" and then go on to make disparaging remarks that generalize any group of people.

I have heard bigoted remarks directed towards me in my life and they hurt. I have heard tirades about all Irish being drunkards. I babysat for a couple that would leave out anti-Catholic pamphlets for me.

A person needs to be honest with themselves. Ask yourself what do I believe about African Americans, Catholics, Jews, Irish, Italians, Hispanics, Native Americans, Orientals, etc. Do you find yourself generalizing along stereotypes? Do you find yourself saying "they are just like that. All (fill in the blank) are..." If the answer is yes then you are prejudiced, bigoted, racist. What are you going to do about it?

Any person can learn if they are willing to try. Pick up your yellow pages or do a Google search. Are you prejudiced about Native Americans? Find a pow-wow or other ceremony where you can go and see and learn about their culture. Are you prejudiced against African-Americans? Find a Black History Museum or other events where you can meet and get to know someone. Go to a Hispanic Cinco de Mayo celebration. Go to a Chinese New Years celebration. Go to the Holocaust Museum. Go somewhere where you can actually meet the people you havenegative thoughts about and learn what they are really like.

The sooner mankind realizes that there are a multitude of ethnic diversities but only one race, the human race, the better off we will be.

Beauty is Skin Deep

The media has gone nuts in its coverage of Tom Cruise's marriage over in Rome. Of course it has missed the really important things in its juggling for pictures, etc. of this circus. Rome is a good place for this fiasco. After all it does have its history of conspicuous consumption and feed the Christians and anyone we don't like to the lions. The figure bandied about for this circus is 2.5 million dollars.

What has this 2.5 million dollars gotten us? A marriage that isn't legally binding because Tom Cruise is above the law and didn't need to get the paperwork that would have made this marriage valid. Then again this continues to show a pattern in this man's behavior. Remember his marriage to Nicole Kidman whom he left high and dry and pregnant with his child and the words "Nicole knows what she did?" Not one word of sympathy when she miscarried and leave the press speculating and blaming her for the breakup. Now he is "married" to a naive girl whom he has so little respect for that he gets her pregnant, tears her away from her religion and family, won't let her get her child baptized, and won't even marry her in a legally binding ceremony.

How many children go to bed every night who could be fed for 2.5 million dollars? How many elderly people are unable to afford their medicine and are going without who would be able to take their medicine and prolong their lives for 2.5 million dollars? How many AIDS victims could be helped for 2.5 million dollars? How many orphans could be helped or adopted for 2.5 million dollars?

Tom Cruise is nothing but a pretty face with a modicum of acting talent. He is a high school drop out who is caught up in the cult of Scientology. Scientology was founded by a second rate science fiction writer named L. Ron Hubbard as the result of a drunken bet with some other science fiction writers. It is made up. It is not a religion. It isn't even good science fiction but pulp fiction and grade B pulp fiction at that. It appeals to people with little or no education. It rages against psychiatrists and medicine because they can debunk the whole thing.

2.5 million dollars makes me mad. I am struggling to try and get help for elderly people who can not pay their hospital bills and have no money for their medicines. I have had friends die from AIDS. I don't make much money and neither does my mother but both of us contribute what little we do have to charity. I contribute to the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate (http://www.oblatesusa.org/) who work in this country and around the globe to help poor. My Mom contributes to the Little Sister of the Poor (http://www.littlesistersofthepoor.org/) and the soup kitchen they have in the town her sister lives in.

My mother is down to 95 pounds and is so skinny she looks anorexic however she is more beautiful then Tom Cruise will ever be because she cares about others. That inner beauty shines on the outside. The Bible asks what does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul? 2.5 million dollars is the inflated price of 30 pieces of silver.

Coffee on a Sunday

"The only true duty is to be unattached and to work as free beings, to give up all work unto God." Vivekananda

I am just taking it easy this morning enjoying my morning coffee. In about an hour I'll take Mom to church and this afternoon I'll continue working on my calendar for next year. In between I'll get some laundry done and lots of cuddling of the kitten. Pixie still doesn't feel good from her surgeries and Mom is so worried about her. She has spent all morning holding her.

Pixie has had the lion's share of attention since we got her back from the Vet. It is going to take some time before she heals completely and is back to her little rascal self. It is especially hard on Mom because she can't really do anything to speed the healing process and she wants Pixie back in her little scamp form. I am trying to get the things done around the house that needs to be done so Mom can just hold the kitten. It also ensures that Mom is resting like she should and not over doing things and putting a strain on her heart.

Both Sides Now

I have always liked the song Both Sides Now. I'm reminded of it today by reading this morning's news that has news both good and bad. The news that really disturbed me was the model dying as a result of anorexia. It is hard enough for young people today, especially girls, to feel good about themselves and their bodies. Fashion is always pushing for thinner and thinner and the people you see in the press are so extremely skinny. The press wants to photograph the Nicole Richies and other females that are all skin and bones. If an actress gains any weight at all they are all over her with pictures showing her in the most unflattering light. Fashion seems to be aimed for women with no bodies, no curves. Diet books abound many of them not healthy eating. Cut out carbs. Cut our protein. Cut out all sugar. Very few books tell you how to eat and still get all the nutrition your body needs to keep you healthy. Yes obesity causes a multitude of problems but so does being severely under weight.

Fashion designers and the press need to take a good look at the images they are pushing. Young girls have a tough time with their self image now. They need to see that it is important to maintain a healthy weight. I had gained a lot of weight after my divorce because I used food as a comfort but once I got out of the depression I was in I took a good look at myself and decided to do something about the weight gain. The result was a change in my eating style. I love to cook and used my skills to come up with a way of eating some of my favorite foods but I made them healthier. I wrote my own cookbook with recipes I had developed that were healthy eating but still high in taste. The recipes can be found here http://members.aol.com/michelesrecipes/recipes.htm.

The thing that excited me this morning was the discovery of "dark energy" by the Hubble telescope. I am a huge astronomy buff and this validation of one of Einstein's Theories was really fascinating. I love space in all its mysterious ways. I love a universe that is continually exciting to watch and discover. After billions of years we are still trying to figure out how God did it. That is what he gave us minds for to continue to explore to infinite variety of his creation.

 

Compassion

"Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people because you no longer regard people as a drain on your energy." Chogyam Trunpa

One of the things I learned from my parents was compassion towards others. Right now my mother is anxiously awaiting the time to pick up Pixie. She has been so worried about the kitten being at the Vet's office for two days with dogs barking and no one to hold and cuddle her and shower her with affection. I know mom will spend the whole time between picking her up and having to get ready for work caring for the kitten.

I have been told all my life that I have a big heart. I know I have strong empathy for people and one of the things that really makes me angry is cruelty towards others whether they be human or animals. I hate seeing our beautiful planet polluted and destroyed.

I have always liked being in a job where I can help others. If I can't be in that kind of job I spend my off hours helping out with charities. We are on this planet to care for others. The world does not consist of just ourselves. A child is born egocentric but as s/he matures that child should start developing a sense of others. Other people have wants and needs also that need to be taken care of. We can't always get our own way. Sometimes we need to compromise and each gets at least a partial of what they want.

Self centered adults irk me. I always want to shake them and tell them to grow up. I do things in life for myself but I make sure that I also do for others. Sometimes it is a bit tough and there are things I miss. I put most of my things in storage when I moved in with my mom at her request. I do miss having my own place and being able to cook what I want and keep the hours I'm normally use to keeping. I have lost some independence with the move. I have also gained something that is more precious then what I have lost. I have gained the ability to care for mom in her declining years. I am here to help her with so many things. She hates to shop so I do it for her. I have the computer knowledge to look up information for her. I can figure things out that she can't. Most of all I am there for her when she isn't feeling well. I can care for her. I can give her many hugs and kisses. She can see and feel my love for her every day. That is what life is really all about. Love and compassion.

Saved By The Bell

I keep listening for the jingle bell that indicates Pixie is up and around. Usually at this time she is on  my lap untying bows, pulling on necklaces, stepping on the keyboard, etc. Of course this morning she is still at the Vet's office recuperating from yesterday's surgery. She was so scared and shaking when we left her there yesterday morning and I kept expecting Mom to snatch her up and say "no I'll take my baby home with me." The Assistant could tell Mom was really upset and worried about the kitten and she had the Vet call Mom after everything was over to assure her that Pixie came through just fine. We may be able to pick her up today. Usually they keep them two days but if she continues to do well Mom can get her today.

It is amazing how six little pounds can capture so many hearts. What makes Pixie so special is her affection. Mom is her favorite and she will crawl onto her lap every chance she gets. She is especially sensitive to those times when Mom's heart is acting up and she will be resting in Dad's chair. Pixie always curls up on her lap and often times will reach up and pat her on the face as if to say "there, there everything will be just fine, you rest and I'll take care of you."

Like any other child Pixie has her toys scattered all over the house. She is a little live wire and will race and jump and twist and spin and bounce high into the air. Mom and I keep trying to get her to give us some of her energy. I miss the little scamp and sure hope she can come home today. Even Merlin misses her and is drooping around because his favorite "entertainment" isn't on.

Ah yes love it comes in many shapes and sizes and species.

Responsibility

We are taking Pixie in today to get her spade. As a pet owner I take the responsibility to make sure my pets are well cared for. There are so many cats and dogs running around that are in danger of being killed because their owners shirk their responsibility towards them. Owners will let their pets run free or even worse just dump them if they no longer want them. There are too many cats and dogs and the animal shelters are full. They can not find homes for the animals they have and many beautiful animals are killed because the shelters just can't afford to keep them.

Pets rely on their humans for their basic needs. We owe it to them to feed them, get them their shots, get them spade or neutered, and keep them safe. A cat does not need to roam or procreate. A cat makes a wonderful pet when kept indoors. I have had cats most of my life and I have always made sure that when they are old enough they are either spayed or neutered. All of my cats have led happy lives. They have been loved and spoiled rotten.

I was playing around on the computer last night and realized I hadn't done a space picture in a while. I am calling this one "Solar Flare."

 

Power of Words

There are times in your life where certain words are said and they stick with you for the rest of your life. I love art and I love doing art. There are four times in my life where words have been said that have really touched and encouraged me in my pursuit of being an artist.

The first came when I was in the second grade. My teacher had put on my report card, "Take a look at her art!" It was the first time in my life that I had an idea that I could actually do this thing called art.

When I was in college I thought of doing a double art and theater major but being a ham I realized I was going to have to do one or the other and theater won out. I did take art for a semester and my teacher told me, "Michele, I've been teaching art for 35 years. You have the best sense of space of anyone I have ever taught. You understand that what isn't there is as important as what is."

When I first got into computer generated graphic art my friend Colleen urged me to show my work to Dann Lopez. Dann is a cartoonist and game designer and at that time was in charge of the art colonies at all the science fiction conventions in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was so afraid to show anybody my art. My confidence in myself was at an all time low but I showed him some of my work any way and I was sure he wouldn't like it. Dann told me, "You are one of us and I want you in my next art colony." In addition to being a good friend Dann has become my art mentor. Dann's web site is at http://www.dork-knight.com/.

In 2000 Dann was running a convention of his own and his guest was one of my favorite artists, Frank Lurz. Frank specializes in Science Fiction, Fantasy and Astronomical art; the same areas that I was working in. Dann told me I had to show Frank my art. I was scared to death because I knew Frank would give an honest opinion. Frank was very tired and it was obvious he was only agreeing to look at my portfolio because Dann asked him to. I watched his face as he flipped through the pictures and watched as the fatigue seemed to drop away. Finally he looked at me and said, "At first glance your art looks deceptively simple but as you look you see the layers and layers of depth. Your artwork is amazing." You can find Frank's art at http://www.franklurz.com/.

In my life at four separate times their has been someone who was there encouraging me to continue to do something I love. So for my second grade teacher, my college professor, Dann and Frank I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement and support. Thank you for allowing me to call myself an artist.

The picture is called "Space Station." At my first convention I entered this into the Art Show. When I came in on Sunday morning Dann told me I had to go into the Art Show but wouldn't tell me why. When I got there I was handed a certificate for this picture for "Best Computer Generated Art." I don't know who was more thrilled me or Dann but I know both of us had tears in our eyes.

 

Smiles

A smile is a frown turned upside down. Remember hearing that as a child? You don't see too many smiles these days. The world is a scary place to be with terrorists, wars that seem to have no end, companies going out of business and taking people's livelihood and future security with them. It is not a happy place to be right now.

There are still things that can and should bring a smile to a person's face. Last night I was giving Pixie a little piece of turkey when Mom came in and asked "Are you spoiling my kitten?" I had to smile because we all know it is her kitten but she always says that Pixie is mine and who do you think got the kitten hooked on turkey? ;-)

Nature brings a smile to my face also. I took a lot of pictures with my new digital camera on my walks in the evening when the weather was so beautiful. The fall colors are so extraordinary out here in the Midwest. All that beauty can't help but make you feel good.

Helping others makes me feel good. Mom hates to shop and I am taking off in a couple of minutes to go to the store for her. I was born to shop so I don't mind at all. She also likes it when I go to church with her since she hates going by herself so I will be home in time to do that.

Children can bring a smile to your face also. The youngest great grandchild was talking to Mom about shopping and Mom told him she really didn't like to shop. "Not even for toys, Grandmother?" he asked in surprise. It still makes me giggle to think of that.

So find something to smile about today. Watch your football team play unless you are a Raiders fan and then today would be a good day to rake those leaves.

Sounds of Silence

"The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within." Mahatma Gandhi

There is a voice within all of us called a conscience and if we allow it to do its job then we stay on the right path.  Our conscience can be our best friend or our most strident critic. Sometimes we wish it would be quiet but it is when it is at its loudest that we need to stop and listen to what it is saying. It is a harsh taskmaster but it is what we need to keep us human.

In life we occasionally meet people who seem to have no conscience and whose actions shock us with their brutality. One of the aspects of being human is that we have free will. We can choose our paths in life and if we choose we can still the voice of our conscience. We can choose the path of evil rather then good.

When we listen with our heart, listen to the voice of God, listen to our conscience we are at peace with ourselves. When we choose to turn away from the light we can still the conscience but it is still there and its voice can be heard again if the heart is turned. God never gives up on us.

The sounds of silence and a contented conscience is one of the most beautiful sounds there is.

A New Day

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." Buddhist proverb

Pixie has found a piece of cardboard to play with so at least she isn't helping me type. I got a good night's sleep and am feeling quite cheerful this morning.

My email this morning brought one from another artist from Match.com who doesn't live too far away. It looks like we have quite a bit on common so we shall see what this may bring.

I've been reminded lately of the saying "it is hard to fly with eagles when you work with turkeys." It doesn't always mean your work place because you work with turkeys in real life to. You encounter them on the net in newsgroups, you encounter them on the street, in places where people congregate, in churches and schools. Their are turkeys in all walks of life.

Well I have decided that in my life I'm done with turkeys. After all Thanksgiving is coming up and we all know what happens to turkeys then. As a result I'll not be going back to a newsgroup that I should have given up on a long time ago. A curmudgeon and a second rate cartoonist have taken over and they are welcome to it. Neither one really understands the concepts that Patrick McGoohan was trying to get across in his classic show "The Prisoner." It is nothing but an ego trip for both of them. The free exchange of ideas is not what they want. They can not grasp that there could be more esoteric meanings to the show that are interesting to explore. I have watched over the years where new people who want to discuss different aspects of the show are ridiculed and put down. I'm sure someday soon a forum will arise where people who want to explore all aspects of the show will be free to do so without fear of being put down by egotistical smart mouths.

In the meantime my life is full. My Mom is frail but hanging in there. She is my number one priority in life. We are getting ready to celebrate her sister's birthday at the end of the month and I have a beautiful picture for her beloved "Bird." The calendar is coming along and the picture for the Christmas card is designed. I have discovered a colony of artists that have welcomed me. We are all digital artists and share what we have discovered in our new art field. I have started a correspondence witha fellow artist not too far from me and we shall see what that may bring. Life is good.

 

We Now Resume

"Before you speak, ask yourself: is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?" Shirdi Sai Baba

Okay the elections are finally over and the politicians can continue ignoring today's quote. It is a shame that some bloggers and people on the web can't understand the importance of being kind. I know I have slipped a few times myself when I've been under a lot of stress and I've regretted my actions later.

I think one of the most misunderstood concepts is "tough love." Some people think that it is a license to be cruel. Tough love means setting boundaries, forcing a person to confront their own destructive behavior and giving them the tools necessary to change. Cruelty has nothing to do with it. Cruelty is cruelty and has no place in the concept of love.

Finally!

"The strength of a nation is derived from the integrity of its homes." Confucius

Finally it is election day and we will be rid of the political ads. As they joke in Chicago vote, vote often, and don't worry if you are dead vote any way. ;-) We will know tomorrow morning if there is any change in the way things work in the United States.

I have started on the long talked about calendar and have January done. I decided to go with "Call of the Wild" for the January picture. The choosing of the picture seems to be the hardest part for me. With the exception of the December picture it is going through all the art I did the year before and trying to decide which eleven pictures I want on the calendar. The December picture is always the Christmas card picture from the previous year.

I have a lot to accomplish in the next couple of months but seem more inclined to want to curl up and read instead. Somehow I really do need to get myself motivated to accomplish the things that need to be done. Starting on the calendar is a big step since a half a dozen gifts are the calendar each year.

Today I am just glad that the elections will finally be over as of tonight. I really hope some good candidates win and that we will see the government taking care of those who need their help the most. We need to take care of the elderly, the poor, the children. The rich can look after themselves. The purpose of government is to take care of those in need not those who live in greed.

 

Monday Morning Reflections

Another challenge of trying to type around Pixie our little bundle of love. The kitten demonstrates love at its best. She gives love to all and doesn't discriminate. She truly exemplifies what the gospel was saying yesterday.

It is easy to love as long as someone is like you. It is when there are differences that humans have a problem with the concept of love one another. There is more hatred thrown around in the name of religion then anything else. I think some people really don't get the meaning of God in their lives.

It is the study of the human mind that really brings up so many questions. Psychology has its Freud with the ego, id, and superego. It also has Jung with the collective unconscious. On a personal level I find I am more is sympathy with Jung then Freud. The continual fascination with the paranormal shows that mankind is fascinated with the unknown. While I know many New Agers I am more inclined to believe that they are tapping into Jung's collective unconscious then anything else. To assume that they are all frauds and are out to bilk an unsuspecting public does a great disservice to many true believers. It shows more the prejudice of a closed mind then a service to the truth. While my personal beliefs do not go in that direction I do believe that people have the right to the beliefs that give them comfort in their personal lives and express their own spirituality in a way that serves their souls best.

I can not abide prejudice in any form. I remember attending a church service with my ex where a Lutheran minister stood up there and said that if you weren't Lutheran you were unchurched. Excuse me? I don't think so. I am just as churched as a Catholic as anyone else.

As far as I am concerned you have a right to be at peace with your God however you see him/her as long as you don't use your religion as a basis for an attack on anyone else's beliefs. God said love your neighbor as yourself and he didn't put any qualifiers on it.

 

Not Happening

The gospel passage today is the one that reinforces that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. It only takes a quick look at the news to see that isn't happening. I'll be very glad when the election is over so at least we won't be barraged by all the mean spirited political ads.

Being a self confessed geek I am very familiar with fandom which is the providence of geeks. I was a part of fandom for many years. Fandom started out as a place where people such as myself could get together and be ourselves without being made fun of. We were not part of the football/cheerleader crowd and certainly never in with the "in crowd." It is not easy growing up different and many found that being among people with the same esoteric interests as themselves made growing up a little easier.

Unfortunately this very community that was made up of misfits is also one of the most riddled with petty feuds and in-fighting. There is always a way to make someone who is an outsider feel more like an outsider. There were times when I was the only Catholic in a room full of New Age Druids. I didn't exactly feel real welcome. The converse is also true try being a New Ager among say a group belonging to the Church of England. You aren't exactly going to be made to feel welcome there either.

Fandom has its self obsessed people who believe that they know everything about a certain show, book or movie and they don't want anyone to challenge them with any new ideas. Beware of trying to start conversations on a newsgroup that is populated with old timers. You can guarantee at least one of them will start flaming you if you dare to venture an opinion that doesn't jive with their hide bound beliefs.

It is sad that a place for misfits has to be fractured by fan politics. It is hard enough being a geek in a mundane world without having to be forced to dodge the flames of others who are supposed to be able to understand you. I think it is time geeks started practicing more tolerance and love. I have had more then enough of trolls.