The Blues

One of the songs that has always stuck with me is “God Bless the Child.” I first heard it when I was in college. It has always resonated with me and the pain in the lyrics has always reinforced my desire to help others.

 

Them that’s got shall get,

Them that’s not shall lose,

So the Bible said and it still is news.

Mama may have, Papa may have

But God bless the child that’s got his own,

That’s got his own.

 

Yes, the strong gets more,

While the weak ones fade,

Empty pockets don’t ever make the grade.

Mama may have, Papa may have

But God bless the child that’s got his own,

That’s got his own.

 

Money, you’ve got lots of friends

Crowding round the door,

When you’re gone, spending ends

They don’t come no more.

Rich relations give

Crust of bread and such,

You can help yourself

But don’t take too much.

Mama may have, Papa may have

But God bless the child that’s got his own,

That’s got his own.

 

Mama may have, Papa may have

But God bless the child that’s got his own,

He just worry ‘bout nothin’

Cause he’s got his own.

 

There is so much pain in the blues and in torch songs but I love them any way. I always remember the lines from “Teahouse of the August Moon” which say “Pain makes man think, thought makes man wise, wisdom makes life endurable.”  It is in times when we are hurting that man seems to start thinking about others. When we see others in pain we start to think about how we can help ease that pain.

 

I have never been a materially rich woman and am likely never to be one. I’ve worked all my life starting with baby-sitting in my early teens. I worked in college to help pay my expenses and took over the loans as soon as I graduated so my parents could send the younger kids to school. We weren’t a wealthy family but we made ends meet somehow. Where we were wealthy was in knowing we were loved.

 

I have always had a problem when those with the wealth are incapable of seeing the suffering of those without money. I am one of those people who feel that the government’s purpose in existence is too help those in need. I don’t feel it is right that the rich keep getting rich at the expense of the poor.  I get angry when people like my mother, who will be 80 this year, are still working because that is the only way they can afford their medicine. It makes me mad that Eli Lily here in Indiana spends the most money in the state as a lobbyist when there are elderly who can’t afford medicine. Why can’t they take the money spent on  wining and dining politicians and give medicine to the people who can’t afford their high prices? Why are the artificially high gas prices allowed to continue when poor people can’t afford the gas to try and go to work? Why are the first programs cut the spending for the poor? Why are we now a government of the rich, by the rich and for the rich?

 

I would love to see a law passed that forces these big corporations to spend as much money on helping the poor as they do in lobbying for legislation to keep their profits high. I want the gas companies to have to fill up the cars for those people who have to work but can’t afford the gas gouging. I want the pharmaceutical companies to have to give away their medicine to the elderly who can’t afford their obscene prices. I think it is only fair. They make their money off of the common man then can help make life better for those who don’t have their huge profits.

 

The picture is called “Singing the Blues.”

 

Remembering

Today is the anniversary of the Challenger shuttle tragedy. This picture is dedicated to those brave men and women of the Challenger and Columbia and all the astronauts who lost their lives in the exploration of space. It is called "Touched the Face of God" and comes from this poem.

High Flight John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

 

Time

Time can be a funny entity. Without even going into Einstein's theories and the way time behaves in regards to the speed of light it can still play tricks on you. Time is supposed to be 60 seconds to a minute, 60 minutes to an hour, 24 hours to a day, right? So how come time seems to move at a variable pace?

If you can't get to sleep at night it seems like time just drags. If you are stuck at work and everything seems to be going wrong time slows down so you are stuck where you don't want to be forever.

If you are excited about being somewhere special then time flies by so you need to leave just after you got there. When you are running late time also speeds up so that you are racing time to get where you need to be.

I think the worst sense of time has to belong to cats. Merlin has been waking me up at 5:30 in the morning because my brother has been working an early shift all week and he is up. I thought this morning would be different because my brother is off today. So what happens? 5:30 AM rolls around, Mike doesn't get up and Merlin wakes me up because it is 5:30 and Uncle Mike didn't get up. Sigh! I can hardly wait until Indiana goes on daylight savings time for the first time this year and I have to try and reset that kitty tummy clock.

The Door to Your Dreams

I finished a new picture tonight. The concept has been rattling around in my head for several days now and tonight it finally came out the way I wanted it to.

 

I think dreams are an important part of life. Dreams are the stuff our hopes are made of. It is natural for a person to dream. It is important for a person to dream. I love my life but there are things that I dream of that would make my life more fulfilling for me. There are things I would like to do, places I would like to see, people I would like to meet. These make up my dreams.

 

I don’t think it is possible to be totally satisfied with life. I think everyone should have dreams they want to fulfill and I think those dreams need to grow and new dreams should take the place of dreams that have come true. For me dreaming is the way that I plan to make my life better. I’m a realistic person and I know that there is a difference between dreams from my wildest imagination and the dreams that can be a reality if I work at them.

 

I dream of getting published. I dream of selling my art work. I dream of meeting that special someone I can spend the rest of my life with. These are dreams I know can be accomplished if I work at them. The wildest dreams are what my mind does for fun. Everyone should have at least one really wild, way out there dream. So what are your dreams?

Quiet

For the last couple of weeks I've been battling a nasty infection that started in the sinuses and then inflamed the vocal chords. As you can imagine it hasn't been much fun trying to do Patient Accounts with laryngitis. I have spent most of this weekend sleeping. I did do a new picture called "Contemplation" which sounds like a good idea for someone who can't talk. I have a little bit of a voice back but most of the weekend has been spent very quiet except for the over active brain which never slows down.

 

Compassion

The dictionary defines compassion as “deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.” It is a word that I try to live by. I have always been drawn to being a part of something that is geared towards helping others. I have never been wealthy but I do try and contribute as much as I can to charity. One of my favorite charities to contribute to is The Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate which works all over the world to help the poor have a better life

 

The last couple of days have demonstrated the total lack of compassion in one of my coworkers. I work in patient accounts for our local hospital. Patients are brought back for us to help make payment arrangements if they don’t have insurance or to see if we can help do charity arrangements if they can not pay. A patient was brought back with kidney stones which are agonizingly painful. My coworker didn’t know this person but because he was out of work she voiced the opinion that “he deserves them.” This is the same person who, the day before, declared that Indians deserve to be stuck on reservations and that we do too much for them

 

Unfortunately you see this type of behavior too much in our modern world. What ever happened to compassion? Is it something that this modern world no longer feels is necessary? There is a prevailing attitude to kick them when they are down in this world

 

We need to get back to caring for one another. For too long there has been an attitude of accumulate wealth and power and it doesn’t matter who you trample on to get there. For too long people have had the attitude of “they deserve it” towards to poor because they are perceived as people who don’t try to better themselves

 

My niece was abandoned a few years ago with $15.00 and three children under the age of six. She has experienced first hand what it is like to be homeless and the misperceptions government has towards the homeless. She has done an incredible amount to change the face of poverty in North Carolina where she lives. She is currently working towards her Masters degree and she and I frequently talk on the phone regarding her thesis. I spend many nights reading papers she sends me and discussing what she writes and critiquing them for her. Together I feel we are going to show an often times callus world that the poor have faces and names and stories of their own that need to be told. We are determined to bring the government, kicking and screaming if necessary, back to the roots of compassion as the cornerstone of governing

 

The picture is called “Guardian Through the Raging Sea.”

 

Dreams

I have always been fascinated by the subject of dreams and dream interpretation. I know that the dream state plays an important part in keeping us sane. Our brain uses that state to process the days trials and tribulations. It takes our worries and fears, our hopes and joys and feeds them through the subconscious and tries to process them in our dreams.

 

I have studied various psychologists and their interpretations of our dreams. I have read about how Freud and Jung interpreted dreams. I personally lean more towards Jung then Freud. The best books I have ever read on dreams were by Dr. Ann Faraday in her books “Dream Power” and “Dream Game” both of which I found very useful in interpreting my own dreams. I have kept a dream diary off and on for years.

 

What has me puzzled lately is the number of dreams where all of a sudden I am married. Since I am currently single and not dating anyone why I am dreaming so much about being happily married I don’t know. A couple of nights ago I dreamed that my husband and I decided to buy a Victorian style home and do it up with modern plumbing, wiring, central air and heat and furnish it with high quality antiques. Now that is something I would love to do but where is this husband at?

 

The closest I can guess at what is going on is my niece is constantly telling me that there is a man out there who will make me as happy as her fiancé makes her. Psychologically I am over the damage that an abusive marriage did to me and I wouldn’t mind being married again. I am beginning to wonder if this isn’t a sign that my niece is right. Is God trying to tell me that there is indeed someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life? If so maybe I should ask for a map so I can find him.

 

The picture is called “Doorways.” I firmly believe that there are many doors we can choose that will lead to fulfilling our dreams.

 

Doors

Have you ever wondered if inanimate objects could speak what would they say? The house I live in has several doors but I mainly use the side door that leads to where I park my car. My cat Merlin yells at this door when I leave as if it is the door's fault that I have to go out to work, the doctor, the store or where ever it is I am going. If the door could talk I'd imagine it would say something on the line of "why are you yelling at me silly cat it isn't my fault your mommy has to leave. I'm just doing my job."

How many doors that have been slammed would like to yell "hey don't take your bad mood out on me!" Or how about the doors that get kicked open or shut because our hands are full who would love to yell "Ouch! That hurts. Why don't you make an extra trip rather then kicking me?"

Sometimes as I observe people in this daily life I think that we treat people like doors. The cashiers, paper boys, operators, etc. that we encounter in our daily lives become inanimate objects that suddenly are supposed to be bereft of feelings. How often do you hear the words "thank you" being said to someone who serves you? I know they get paid to help but shouldn't we still be polite to them. I know my parents always said that the magic words were please and thank you.

People rush through their daily lives and rarely see the humans that they encounter. Often times they think no more of them then they would a door. They are there to be used. I think this would be a much nicer world if we would take the time to realize that those who serve are people too. The reverse is also true customers are people also. Everyone deserves a please and thank you. After all magic words can get something equally magical in return. You can receive a smile. A smile can light up your day.

 

Karma

I thought I had this Karma thing figured out. You do bad then bad comes to you. You do good then good comes to you. So Merlin was either real good in his last life to come into this one as a spoiled rotten house cat or he was a demon and this is his reward for being bad in his last life. Now I thought two months of caring for a sick mother should at least earn me enough of a reward so I didn't come down sick. Apparently I haven't got karma figured out after all. Oh well there is always NyQuil.

 

Being Ourselves

There are times when we are our own worst enemy. There are times when we are much too hard on ourselves. How many times have you mentally or even out loud told yourself that you were stupid? We allow others to make mistakes but we are so loath to allow ourselves the forgiveness of our errors.

 

One thing that upsets me about my mother is that she is always putting herself down. She is a very intelligent woman but she doesn’t give herself any breaks. She will be 80 this year and has earned the right to be a bit forgetful once in a while.

 

I am learning to be more forgiving of myself. Yes I make errors but I am human and humans make mistakes. As long as we can learn from our errors there is no reason why we should be putting ourselves down for making them.

 

A sense of self worth is important. We are all capable of doing great things in our lives but we can’t succeed in an atmosphere of rejection. If we keep rejecting our self worth then how do we expect to get ahead? How can we succeed if we don’t give our selves the right to try? As any scientist can tell you it is only through experiments that you find discoveries. In order to find out what we can accomplish we need to be able to try out new things. I would never be able to do art if I had told myself that I was no good at it and couldn’t succeed. I had to try in order to see if I could do graphic art on the computer.

 

I went through a long period when I was constantly putting myself down. I was hearing nothing but negatives from my husband at the time and I allowed myself to fall into the trap he wanted me in. I fell into the trap of self doubt. We have to have faith in ourselves. After all God has faith in us and if he can have faith in his flawed creatures then we can have faith in ourselves. A starting place is the next time you make a mistake tell yourself that it was not the smartest thing to do but that you yourself are smart and will learn not to make the same mistake again. It is a small step but an important one. After all you owe it to yourself and everyone else to be the best you that you can be. We have earned the right to be happy.

 

The picture is called "Picnic."

Friendship

Now that I have a download problem solved I was able to do a new picture last night. A friend who is in the business of building computers was kind enough to help via a long distance phone call. He is the man who built my current computer. It got me thinking about friends.

Friends are important in life. They are the people who will listen to your problems. They will help you up when you are feeling down. They are there for you in good times and in bad.

I have had a lot of friends in my life. I have a friend and mentor who started me on my art career and rejoiced with me when I made my first sale and when I won my first award.

I grew up hearing "to have a friend you must be a friend." I always try and be a friend to people I know. My nature has always been to give and by giving I have been given back the gift of friendship. So for all my friends out there, some of whom I've yet to meet, this picture is for you and is called "Friends."

 

Goals and Dreams

One thing I learned from being married to someone who always looked for the gloomy side of life is that life is easier to bear if you are an optimist. Life is too short and too fragile to make it more difficult for yourself. Why beat yourself up? I have learned to stop being hyper-critical of myself. You need to give yourself a break sometimes

 

January is the time people make resolutions. Sometimes by their very nature the resolutions we make doom us to failure. After my divorce I ate to console myself. My weight jumped to 155 pounds which was too much for my 5' 1½" frame. I would resolve every year that I was going to lose all the extra weight I'd gained.  As with many broad resolutions I set unattainable goals for myself. I would lose and gain back. I was like a yo-yo. I would get mad at myself because I wasn't losing as fast as I wanted to. It wasn't until I stopped and made the goal reasonable that I started losing the excess weight. I gave myself a goal I could reach. My goal started as I want to get down to 150 pounds. Five pounds my body could handle. When I reached that goal and stayed there I gave myself another five pound goal. I am now at 130 and have gone from a 12/14 to a 6/8. My next goal is 125 pounds and I know I can make it because I taught myself how to eat healthy.  I no longer beat myself up because I've proven by attainable goals that I can do it. The mind and body can take change as long as you don’t try and force it to change faster then it can handle. Through trial and error I came up with food that tasted good but was healthy. As a result I now have a section on my website with recipes that I’ve created that helped me lose weight and still excite the taste buds. You can find them at http://members.aol.com/michelesrecipes/recipes.htm.

 

My art makes me happy. I used to sell it at science fiction conventions in California. Now that I am in the Midwest taking care of my Mom I don’t have that channel. This year I’ve decided to set up an art website and sell off of the Internet. I have taken the beginning steps to accomplish that goal. It is a goal that is attainable. Would I like to be as successful as Thomas Kincaid? Of course I would but at this time that is not an attainable goal. It is a dream however and I am taking the first steps towards reaching that dream.

 

I have a series of inter-related fantasy short stories I want to get published. I am taking the first steps towards finding an agent to get them published. Would I like to be as famous as J.K. Rowling? Of course I would but again that is a dream. I am taking the first steps towards getting published. You can’t be a famous writer if no one reads you.

 

What I have learned is that there is a difference between what you dream and what is attainable right now. I work towards attaining my goals but my goals are the steps necessary to making my dreams come true. Only in the movies is something  really huge just handed to you. To live is to dream and to make those dreams come true you need to work towards attaining those dreams one step at a time. For me that is one of the main ways of being a happy person. As we vertically challenged people know sometimes to reach something you have to stand on a step and if a step isn’t available you create the step.

 

The picture is called “Stormy Sea” and is a scan of an oil painting I did. As with all storms they eventually break up and the sun or moon comes out to glow.

Responsibilty

I really wish I knew how to teach responsibility. I come from a family of five, four boys and little old me. Two of my brothers have grown up to be responsible adults. They have careers. One has just published a book on NASCAR and has been a professional writer on and off for many years. He got me into blogging. The other one has been in a government job for close to 30 years. He was always interested in helping taking care of the environment and put himself through college with a degree that would get him a job with the EPA.

The other two brothers are the despair of my life. Both have gone through two marriages a piece and expect that if there are problems Mom should be the one to bail them out. One has let his diabetes get out of control when if he had taken care of it from the start he could have only had to watch his diet and not take insulin. He stayed in a dead end job that eventually caused disabling injuries to his hands and knees. There are other jobs he could be doing but he sits at home and feels sorry for himself. He expects Mom to bail him out and even wants to move out here so that Mom can take care of him.

The oldest brother is lucky he still has a head because I came very close to ripping it off yesterday. We were visiting my Mom's sister and Mom slipped on the curb and oldest brother rather then making sure she was okay stood there and talked blocking my and my cousins way to grabbing hold of Mom. We shoved brother out of the way and got to her before she fall over backwards but he should have escorted her from the car and safely to the sidewalk. As my Dad always said his head is up in the clouds and locked. My brother has wasted his life and refuses to help himself with anything. The Army owes him back pay but he doesn't pursue it.  He is always mooching off of Mom rather then paying his own bills. Where he squanders his money Mom and I can't tell. He is always fishing for compliments for himself but couldn't see his Mom looked pretty in her raspberry jacket yesterday. He never thinks to compliment someone else.

Responsibility how to do you teach it? How come three out of five of us got the teachings of our parents and two failed so miserably. As it said it "The King and I" it's a puzzlement.

The picture is called "Sometimes Whn It Rains."

Sometimes It Is The Little Things

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make things work. I got around to balancing my checkbook, something I normally do as I make a purchase, but somehow in the Christmas rush I didn't get around to it until today. I made a major error in writing down a bank transfer from savings to checking on Christmas Eve and then forgot to make the transfer on line. Two checks that hadn't been cashed yet saved the account from being overdrawn.

A part that cost less then $5.00 means I can listen to my music at anytime without worrying about waking up my mother or my brother. A small part that allows me to listen to my headsets broke down so the headset wouldn't stay in the CD player. So now I can rock out to U2 without my Mom who listens to "little old lady music" and my brother who is strictly classical not being disturbed by my rocking out to Bono and band.

A couple of years ago I was getting ready to walk into the mall when a boy about 10 ran ahead of me to open the doors. He was accompanied by his Dad. I smiled and thanked the boy and turned to his Dad and told him with a smile "your son is a real gentleman." I will never forget the smile on the Dad's face. You could tell that six little words from a stranger had made his day. I can still see the smiles on both of their faces to this day.

I was kidding my Mom that for a free cat Merlin sure costs a lot of money. No amount of money though could make up for the pleasure I have gotten out of him. The way he brightens up my Mom's life is without price. So I guess the premium litter, cat food, bottled water and toys are worth it. He may be spoiled rotten but he is my spoiled rotten cat.

Little things can make a big difference in this world.

Sci-Fi

Tonight is Geek night. The Sci-Fi channel is showing the season premiers of Stargate, Stargate Atlantis, and Battlestar Galactica. We have been waiting since September to see how the cliff hangers are going to be resolved. While the shows are a science fiction fan’s delight I see a parallel to our own lives in them.

 

Stargate has dealt with a race who tried to convince other worlds that they were gods. They actually were slavers to whom life meant nothing and other beings existed only to be used. Their supporters were fanatics who killed anyone who didn’t agree with them. When the race was finally defeated by mankind another even more treacherous race appeared who believed they were gods. Again their supporters were fanatics who destroyed anyone who wouldn’t worship the false gods. You can see the parallels in the volatile world we live in. The people behind terrorist attacks have convinced their followers that they are doing god’s will in spite of the fact that their holy books say the exact opposite. How can a war be holy if it is against the commandment thou shalt not kill? Gullible minds are being brainwashed into thinking they are doing god’s will when they are actually doing what the devil wants.

 

Stargate Atlantis has dealt with a race that sucks the life out of beings. I see the parallel to various cults including Scientology. Scientology can convince a high school drop out like Tom Cruise that he knows more about the human mind then scientists and doctors. I had suffered from depression when I was in the throes of an abusive marriage and its aftermaths. Vitamins are not the answer. Cults prey on people that don’t have the education to know that they are being lied to. It is as if what reasoning power they have is sucked right out of them.

 

Today’s news had another quote from Pat Robertson that had me seeing red. How can anyone think that God, who so loved the world that he gave us his only Son and the Son who loved us so much he willing gave his life for our  sins, would ever afflict a world leader with a stroke because he was trying to affect a peace agreement to stop the hatred and the war that has raged for over fifty years?  How can he say that God would send a fanatic to kill a world leader because he was trying to bring about peace? How can he suggest we kill a world leader? What sucked the brains, compassion and conscience out of this man?

 

Battlestar Galactica is dealing with a person who let power go to her head. Mankind is fighting for its life in the show and she is trying to play god. How often in this world have we seen leaders take godlike powers unto themselves in the name of what they think is right?

 

Science fiction may seem like fairy tales to some but it has always had an element in it that makes you think. That is what drew me to it when I was eight years old and that is what still draws me to it now.

 

The Door

I finished a picture last night inspired by the television show "The Prisoner." It is a surrealistic picture but then several of my art pieces do veer off into that aspect of art. I am a huge fan of Salvatore Dali. The show may be thirty years old but it still has meaning for today.

In our lives we have a tendency to make our own prisons. We limit ourselves in what we can accomplish and how the quality of our life is led. We sometimes allow emotions to rule us rather then us rule them. Some people are fueled by anger and hate. Some people are driven by self doubt and self hatred. Some people are simply afraid to dream.

In the picture the man is staring at the door as if that is the only way out. He feels that he is trapped by the Guardian on the other side. He fails to look around him to see that there are many other avenues of freedom available.

It can be difficult to take that first step towards getting yourself out of a trap. I know because it took me six years to find the courage to leave an abusive husband. It wasn't easy since I had been warned that he might try to kill me if I left him. I was determined however to take control of my life and get away. Once I took that first step towards freedom the other steps became much easier.

The important thing is that we are much stronger then we sometimes give ourselves credit for. Life is too short to be stuck in a relationship, a job, a lifestyle, or anything that stifles you as an individual and is a detriment to your own self worth. One thing that was almost lost in my marriage was my feeling of myself as a worthwhile human being. I was so psychologically battered that I had real doubts about myself as a person. It took one person, whom I didn't know all that well at the time, to give me back that spark that allowed me to rediscover myself. He looked at my art work and immediately offered me a place in his next convention's art tables.

It is important to have dreams for yourself but it is even more important that you do something towards making those dreams come true. I firmly believe that we must never allow ourself to be stuck in a prison of our own making. There are paths to freedom out there if you search for them. Sometimes it is the road less traveled that you need to take but for your own well being you must take that first step yourself. If you can help someone else who is trapped do so. You may be saving their life too.

Cats

Cats are wonderful creatures. They all have personalities of their own and no two are ever alike. My cat Zonker was huge. He was 21 pounds 3 ½ feet from head to tip of tail and 15 inches at the shoulder. He was a red orange and gold tabby with amber eyes with a white heart on his chest. He was beautiful and he knew it. He had one of those personalities that left no doubt in anyone’s mind that he was a cat and you were just a poor human. Talk about a cat who never forgot that the Egyptians used to worship them. Zonker couldn’t be bothered with any little neighborhood. He was King of the Universe. Of course that didn’t stop him from getting lonely at one in the morning and wanting his ears rubbed.

 

Casper was my pure white good old boy. He was already ten years old when I got him. His previous owner had dumped him on the Vet with instructions to “put him to sleep he’s a pest.” Fortunately the Vet refused and kept him there until I decided a few years later that I wanted to take him home with me. Casper gave a new meaning to the word relaxed. Often times he would lay on top of the couch and you would suddenly find his paw draped on your shoulder. He just wanted to be near year and if you were going to watch TV any way he might as well use your shoulder as a paw resting place.

 

Sasha was my pride and joy. He was the friendliest cat you have ever seen. He had such a raucous personality that when I was running a science fiction convention he was our mascot. Sasha loved people. He also loved getting into mischief. His antics are legendary among those who knew him. There was the time that he saw Zonker walking by while he was on the counter top and you could see the light bulb go on “oh I’m going to pounce on my big brother” and he takes a flying leap into the water dish. This was the same cat who tried to walk on the bubbles in my bubble bath. Well they looked solid.

 

Merlin is my current cat. Spoiled rotten little momma’s boy that he is I still love him. His litter was abandoned by the mother cat so I have always been mommy to him. He currently gets mad and yells at the door when I go to work. Obviously it is the doors fault that it opened and let me leave the house rather then keeping me in to take care of him. I did mention Merlin is a bit on the spoiled side didn’t I?

 

What Do You Know

In a major surprise one of the combatants in my newsgroup actually forgave the other one because I asked him to. Well it's a start. Currently heat is being put on the other person and he is making mistakes and lashing out. He accuses the one guy of ignoring his "so-called" apology but thinks the rest of the readers have forgotten that this person apologized before he baited him with an obscenity filled post. He is also being told to reread what I said about hate because his actions prove his words about not hating are a lie. Life is interesting isn't it.

I once wrote a short story where my hero had to try and recover something he had hidden in a leprechaun's pot of gold. He found that leprechauns can be very tricky creatures. I have to wonder if enough heat is put on this one person if he can be tricked into forgiving. He has proven common sense and decency don't work. Maybe trickery is the key.

As for me I've said my piece and am trying to encourage conversation about the show. After all that is why we are there. I know everyone is tired of the entire feud and one guy's ego. Now if they would only say so on the board and not just to me in private emails it would help me out.

The picture is the cover art from the short story "Pot of Gold" found at http://members.aol.com/michelesstorys/gold.htm/.

 

Beauty

I finished my first picture of the new year and I am calling it "Celestial Dawn." Mother was thrilled by the picture and I am happy with it myself. My Mom said it was beautiful. It got me thinking about beauty.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." An interesting phrase I suppose. Beauty is all around us if we are willing to look for it. I think as frail and skinny as she is and with her almost 80 years showing in her wrinkles, my mother is beautiful because she loves me.

Sunrise and sunsets are beautiful times of day because of the colors that they bring. If you look hard enough you can find beauty everywhere. I guess that is what makes me such an idealist, that I can find beauty. Someone accused me of  being naive when I urged forgiveness of a several month's long grudge match between two people. I think he is naive to think that bragging about sitting in a hot tub with Satanist cartoonists makes him look sophisticated. I think the continual hatred he exhibits in every thing he says is childish. He blames everyone else, including God, for not having the life he thinks he deserves. He never takes the blame for his own actions. Naive, petulant, and immature.

I don't think that the desire for peace and wanting to help others is naive. I will attempt to be peacemaker when I can and if someone thinks it is naive so be it. I do what in my heart I know is right.

We pass by this way but once in life and in my passing I want people to remember me as someone who cared enough to try and make peace where there is dissension. Someone who tried her best to make life better for others by helping as much as I am able. I want to be thought of as a caring individual.

A New Year

It is amazing how fast time flies as you get older. It is hard to believe another year is gone. As with many people for me 2005 had been a mixed year with some good and some bad but then that is the way life always is. No one can expect a totally good year or a totally bad year. Life is always a mixture.

I had hoped to start out the new year with a new picture but of course computers have a mind of their own and mine decided to crash right at 81% anti-aliasing. Of course it decides to do this on a picture where I had the most time consuming effect going and it takes 2½ days for a picture to render. This time I stopped the works at 82% and told it to save so if the computer crashes again at least it only has 12% to do over and not the whole picture. Maybe by nightfall it will be done because I have a couple of other pictures in my head I want to do but I have to wait for this one to finish before I can use my program to create a new picture.

Finish what you started. I don’t know how many times I heard that while growing up. I don’t want to think of how many projects in my craft box still need to be finished. Sometimes there are just so many things that I want to do that I can’t seem to get everything done.

I am getting close to finishing one project that is dear to my heart and that is the first short story collection in my fantasy series "Sean’s Stories." The picture above is called "Preparing for the King" and is of Merlin placing Excaliber in the stone for Arthur to pull out when he grows up. As I did with my picture I go back into the past for my stories. As a life long lover of fantasy books my own stories have elves, unicorns and dragons in them. They have been read by people from eight to eighty and can be found at http://members.aol.com/michelesstorys/Index.htm. I am starting what will be story fourteen today. I don’t feel comfortable trying to get a book published with thirteen stories in it. My Mom’s comment when I told her that was "a little superstitious are we?"

I guess in a way even the most ardent believers in science can have moments when the mind looks at the supernatural and wonders. My Dad was one of the most down to earth scientists you could ever meet however he has hundreds of books on ghosts, haunted places, the Bermuda Triangle and other paranormal things. The unexplained has a strange fascination for even the most logical of minds.

I delve into magic in my stories but the underlying theme is always the fight between good and evil. For me that is the fascination of life. How do you truly recognize evil and how do you fight it? It is so easy to be seduced by evil. Evil can wear a beautiful face. Evil can give you illusions of power. Evil can blind you to your own hatred and make you justify it in your eyes. The incarnation of evil in my stories is called the Dark One and I describe him as serpentine but having a cold beauty. He is a master of deception. Evil blinds us to the truth.

Today at Mass our pastor and pastors around the world spoke of peace. It has been designated as World Peace Day in my church. It is something that we all devoutly wish for that there will peace on this fragile planet of ours this year. It is the one thing I would like to give to everyone with this new year, the wish that you may find peace in your hearts and in your lives.