Playing

The people who make one of my art programs definitely have a sense of humor. I use Poser to do my people and most of my animals. A few months ago I found their "disembodied body parts" feature. Now I have found their "stick figures" feature. Now, I asked myself, why would anyone want to do stick figures for in graphic art? Unfortunately my mind came up with the answer. You know the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" Well in this picture called "Eye of the Beholder" it is art. Something tells me that this guy shouldn't give up his day job.

 

Renewal

As I was going through old art last night the Bryce rendering of one of the pictures I wanted to redo turned up missing. I lost a hard drive a few years ago and they were not able to retrieve the data. The model was most likely on that drive. I have the picture that came from it but not the model that I could make changes to. I decided to recreate the scene from scratch. The picture was for my short story "Mirror Image." I will probably redo all of the pictures that I did that I no longer have models for.

I look at this new venture as a lesson in renewal. To keep life from becoming stagnant a person has to be open to renewal and new things. Life is an on going process. I am a person who is open to new things, new adventures, new ideas. I don't want life to be boring.

I had a moment of wonder when I decided to redo some of my old pictures. I wondered whether this meant I was running out of new ideas or not. I know now that I still have plenty of ideas for pictures but that I also needed to reexamine some of the older work that I wasn't satisfied with. Just because something is older it doesn't mean that it can't be improved. Some things like classic coke should be left alone of course but there was no compelling reason for me not to redo some of my art. As I have learned new techniques I want to be able to use them. The renewal of my artwork is an affirmation of my abilities as they have grown as an artist. I hope I never lose the ability to renew in my personal life as well.

 

Change

"You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes." Rabindranath Tagore

I really love my Oriental Wisdom calendar. It has so many great sayings. Change is inevitable. There is little in life that stays exactly the same. Sometimes to make change happen a person needs to get up off their duff and do something. You often hear that the past can't be changed however that isn't strictly true. While you can't change the events of the past you can change how your behave now in regards to the past. You can let the past be a learning experience and change how you deal with the present.

I've been working lately on some of my older art that I wasn't totally satisfied with. I did the original "Mars Colony" back in 1998. While the basic concept remains good the new tools I have to work with now made it possible to change the picture into something more like what I wanted. You can see the new version and the old above.

Change can be done in life also. I was very depressed after my divorce and wanted to do little but go to work and then come home and vegetate. By taking control of my life I decided that I really didn't want to live that way. I sought help for the depression and allowed myself to move on with my life. I am much happier since I made that decision.

 

Life Cycle

An idea for a picture popped into my head as I was leaving work on Friday. I worked on it all weekend. It took a combination of four pictures including the background and some fancy fiddling around in Painter but I am very happy with the results. I am calling the picture "Life Cycles."

I became interested in Astronomy at a very young age and took a course at our local college when the chance came up. I watched Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" series and loved it. I have read and studied many different astronomers. I am fascinated by the life cycle of stars and how they form, live their lives, and die and in death often provide the material for new stars to form. The picture represents the three stages in a planets life; that as a new planet to life, a planet enjoying it's middle age and finally a planet whose sun is going nova drying up the oceans and gradually robbing it of all life.

Our own lives often go through cycles. My niece went through the joys of love, marriage, children, and then at the end divorce. She has recently married for a second time to a wonderful man. From the ashes of her pain she grew into a very strong young woman who will be a wonderful wife to her new husband.

In my own life I too knew happiness, marriage, and then divorce. From my pain I have grown into a very strong woman. I have also grown as an artist. Over the weekend I redid a couple of my older pictures. As I learn to use this computer tool I realized that I could improve on some pictures that I did when I was first starting out. I had limited myself in my thinking that I couldn't go back and redo something. I realized that there was nothing stopping me from making changes to my own artwork. I realized that the original concepts were still good but that I could make the improvements I wanted to make the picture more like I wanted it to be at this point in time.

I watched over my mother this weekend. She is sick with another infection. She gets tired so easily now. I try to do everything I can to make things easier for her but she is still too stubborn to take it as easy as she should. She is in the twilight of her years and with her 80th birthday coming up and with a bad heart it is doubtful how many more years she will have left. For her though the thought of death is not frightening. She believes in a life in the here after and that she will join my Dad and her family who has gone before her. She is a very spiritual woman. I feel sorry for people who no longer believe in God and that there is life after death. It is knowing that you will be able to see your loved ones again that gives you the serenity to face your life.

 

Catching Up

"And once we have the condition of peace and joy in us, we can afford to be in any situation." Thih Nhat Hanh

Now that the wedding is over I need to get caught up on other things. My website needs to be updated with new stories and about six months worth of art. I have a new fan that loves the site and I have some new pictures that I would like him to see.

I also need to take a serious look at Match.Com and see who is out there that might be fun to get to know. So far the one date that it has brought has been a disappointment but then I haven't really taken a good look myself.

I need to get the nag voice on and get my brother moving to get his disability pay. He is running out of time and mother has to retire. She can't afford to support him and after she goes none of us can either. He has to do something for himself.

I have some sewing to do this weekend for my mother. It is simple hemming of pants so I can knock that out in about an hour for all the pants. I should also get busy and make some summer clothes for me since we are going into the 90 degree weather at the moment.

I have an interesting picture in my head that I am working on. I just need to reboot this cranky old machine and free up some memory so that Bryce doesn't take forever to render. AOL likes to hold on to memory even if it isn't running. One of these days I must find a decent service provider that won't take forever to upload a new website and transfer my Journal over. Although reading about the trials my brother has had in moving his Journal I may wait on that. Right now the only choice locally is abysmal.

The other major thing I need to do is for myself. I have to try and figure out why the arthritis has exploded so badly especially in my neck. I'm going to be reading up to see what diet and exercise changes can be made that will get this under control. As I found out on the trip down South something has definitely gone haywire. I would get out of the car after sitting for several hours and the joints were so stiff I had trouble moving. That just won't do. I expect my body to behave itself and I'm determined to find out what I need to do to help it do so.

First up is a cup of coffee however to see if I can fully wake up in order to fight the mob at Wal-Mart to do Mom's shopping.

When I'm 64

I grew up with the Beatles and have the original vinyl LP with "When I'm 64" on it. I was reminded of that song last night when I was on-line trying to find secondary insurance for my mother. The company she is with now has suddenly not included her doctor of 25 years as a provider. She doesn't want to change doctors and I don't blame her.

There were several places that advertised instant quotes however once I put in the information for her I got the message that "We don't give quotes for people over 65." It is just the latest in the corporate view that the elderly don't count in life.

It is hard for the elderly to make it in this expensive world. Many of them only have social security to live on and that barely pays the expenses to keep them alive. My mother still works at the age of 80. Her 90 year old sister has to depend on her children and grandchildren to help pay for her medicine that keeps her alive.

It is a sad state of affairs that the elderly in this country are not revered as they are in many old world and Asian countries. Too often you read about the elderly being swindled. Too often you read about the elderly being assaulted. Too often you read about the elderly being stuck in a nursing home that is badly run and the elderly more inmates then patients.

One thing I would like to change in the country is our attitude towards our elders. I would like to see the younger people take care of the elderly better then they do now. I would like to see the stories that the elderly have to tell recorded and passed on to the succeeding generations. One day we too will be among the elderly and for some of us it is coming faster then we want. As the Bible says "As you sow so shall you reap."

The picture is called "Doorways."

 

Power Trip

Do not look at the faults of others, or what others have done or not done; observe what you yourself have done or not done." Buddha

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi

I made it back in one piece from the wedding trip. It was a long tiring trip that wrecked havoc with my nerves, my arthritis and my asthma. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. It was worth it to see my niece so happy. It was worth it to spend time with my godchildren. The frequent hugs from my niece and her saying almost hourly when I was with her "Have I told you lately thank you and I love you." It made everything worthwhile. The dress fit her perfectly and she truly looked like a Princess Bride. She even gave me credit in the wedding program so that everyone knew I made the dress and the flowers.

One of the things I noticed was the huge numbers of trees while we were driving and the power lines that would rise above the trees. It was an interesting contrast of nature and technology. The UFO however springs from my imagination. The picture is called "Power Trip."

I am taking an extra day off before I head back to work and look at the disaster area that is known as my desk. I doubt much of my work got done while I was gone. Oh well it will replenish my badly depleted funds.

I called my mother frequently while I was on the road. I worried about her the entire time. She was so happy to talk to me and related all the doings of my crazy cat. It was good to get back and be able to hug her.

Now that the wedding has finally come and gone I can concentrate on things I need to do here. My website hasn't been updated in about six months. I need to try and get an Art site up that I can sell from. I need to take a good look at profiles up on Match.com and see who looks like they might be compatible with me.

I came back to the two quotes above on my Oriental Wisdom calendar. Both really resonate with me. In life you are responsible for yourself and what you do. It is an unhappy person who feels that they must constantly criticize others. The people I have known who are hypercritical of others are also the ones who refuse to admit that they themselves have faults.They see themselves as the perfect ones and everyone else as inferior. They are also the ones who refuse to forgive anything they perceive as a slight. They carry hate and resentment inside of themselves. It eats away at them and destroys their chance for happiness.

I let go of anger a few years ago when I realized that the object of my anger didn't care. He was one of those unhappy hypercritical people who has destroyed his life and now wallows in bitterness. I did not want to end my life in that way. I have found an inner peace in my life that I treasure.

I have a long list of things I need to do and today added another one to the list. My mother is celebrating her 80th birthday on July 6th. I am making her a special card and am trying to collect at least 80 birthday greetings to put on that card. If you would please take a minute to email a greeting to Pat at michelewln@aol.com Thanks.

 

Break

We interrupt these semi-regularly posted musings to bring you this bulletin. I'm heading off to North Carolina and lovely niece's wedding. Have the dress, flowers, veil, earrings, necklace, sewing kit, me, etc. Merlin is hiding in fear that I'll take him too. No way. Poor kitty he hates traveling and change.

Eighteen hours of listening to my older brother. Sigh. I don't guarantee how sane I'll be when I get back. Hmmm maybe I should just check for the fabled science fiction "wormholes" to get there quicker.

 

Celestial Dragon

I'm going to be off line for a week as I head down to my niece's wedding. We will pack the car tonight and leave early tomorrow morning. I will hem the dress when I'm down there to make sure that it is even with whatever shoes she is going to wear. I can hardly wait to see her in the dress and veil. She will be such a beautiful bride.

I was playing with the newest version of Bryce that my brother brought with him. It has some great new presets including one for "nebulae." The picture came out with a great shape for the nebulae that in my mind's eye looks like a Chinese dragon.

I took the time last night to do some art work because it has been a very stressful couple of months. I know I'm going to be on the run constantly once I get down to North Carolina. Art really calms me down when I'm stressed. I am so thankful that I discovered graphic art and can do it on the computer. The arthritis in my hands won't let me do the intricate etching style I was doing. When one door closes another one opens.

I love the whole concept of new doors opening. Sometimes we only see a closed door and what is no longer available to us. If we are willing to open our eyes we can walk through new doors and experience new things. I can't imagine a life that is stuck in the same old same old. Life has too much to offer to be bored all the time. I want to continue to learn and experience new things. For me life is meant to be lived to the fullest not something to plod through day by day.

Eureka Moment

"God had created the world in play." Ramakrishna

Finally an reason that works to explain politicians courtesy of my Oriental Wisdom calendar. I knew there had to be an explanation for that three ring circus we know as politics. Don't take it seriously.

I try to have a sense of humor about life but sometimes it does irritate you. Now if I can just get through the next week and a half without blowing my cool I should be all right. I'm picking up Geek brother and fiancée tonight for the weekend. Wednesday I leave for my niece's wedding and try not to strangle big brother. Politics are going to be off limit. It is my car and I make the rules. Get through the wedding without strangling irritating ex-sister-in-law and I get assured of saintdom. Three more days at the zoo called work and I have a week off.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and your makeup runs. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. ;-P

 

Princess Bride

The wedding dress is finished except for the hem. I'll do that when I get down there to make sure it is the right length for her. I feel a great sense of joy knowing that I have made something that will be treasured and be a part of a wonderful celebration of joy and happiness when my niece marries a very good man who will cherish her and her children in a way that her first husband never did.

The joy I feel has been tainted however by an article I read the other day when right wing extremist Anne Coulter blasted four widows whose husbands were murdered in the World Trade Center destruction of 9/11. These four women want answers as to why their husbands died. They want to know how a tragedy like this happened. How did these terrorists get past our security to kill so many people including the loves of their life. Because they question the government for answers and because they had the audacity to support John Kerry instead of George Bush, Anne Coulter tells the world that she has never seen anyone enjoy their husband's death more then these four widows.

Once upon a time in America people had the freedom of speech and were able to support both the liberal and conservative point of views. They were allowed to support the candidate of their choices. They were allowed to take part freely in the process that we call democracy. Now however people like Anne Coulter and Bill O'Reilly and their ilk brand anyone who dares oppose their right wing view as spawns of the devil. They have vilified a political position that has a long an honorable reputation. They are incapable of allowing the freedom of speech to anyone who doesn't believe as they do. They have dragged America's tradition of being a democracy with freedom of speech and the right to hold your political beliefs whether conservative or liberal into the sewer.

I am thoroughly sick of people like Anne Coulter and Bill O'Reily and their politics of hate. They throw God's name around as if He could justify their bile and hatred. They ignore God's commandment that thou shalt love thy neighbor. It does not say thou shalt love thy neighbor providing he is white Anglo Saxon Protestant conservative upper middle class heterosexual Republicans. It is not rain that you are seeing, it is God's tears.

 

 

What If?

"The night is long to the wakeful, a distance of ten miles is long to the weary; the road of life and death is long to fools who do not know the truth." Buddha

A great deal was made yesterday about the date being 06/06/06. It reminded me of the brouhaha on 12/31/99 where people were terrified about 2K and all the computer systems in the world crashing. Much Ado About Nothing.

I think that too often we allow ourselves to be caught up in fears of our own making. We look at situations and see things that might happen or could happen or there is a possibility that this or that will go wrong. We spend so much time looking over our shoulders for what may be behind us that we fail to see what is in front of us.

We allow ourselves to become depressed and fearful about things that are out of our control. The other night illustrated this when my brother fretted and stewed about the computer system at work crashing. It was not something he did. Yes it impacted the ability to do our jobs with ease and we had to rely on paper rather then computer records but it was something that while inconvenient was not earth shattering. It is a lousy antiquated system to start with. Deal with it but allowing yourself to become all upset is not going to fix the system. That is what the computer gurus are for.

One of the things that flabergasted me about my ex-husband was his pessimism. He could see gloom and doom in every little thing. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if he or she feels this way about me? What if he or she doesn't like me? What if?

I believe the only way to deal with what if is to deal with things as they happen. Yes you plan but the best laid plans of mice and men can go crazy. You need to learn to deal with it. When I was running my convention a friend gave me a t-shirt that said "No battle plan ever survived contact with the fans." It made me laugh then. It makes me laugh now.

You do what you can to be ready for what life throws at you. You plan for the future the best you can but you need to be flexible enough to take those curve balls it will throw at you. The key to happiness is to take things one step at a time. You deal with life in all its insanity and do the best you can. That is all that anyone can expect of you and that is all you should expect of yourself. The picture is my illustration of one of my favorite quotes, "you can climb any mountain if you take it one step at a time."

 

Strength

"Strength doesn't come from physical capacity. It comes from an individual will." Mahatma Gandhi

I have kept up on the news about reporters Bob Woodruff and Kimberly Dozier both of whom were injured while covering the war in Iraq. They have both exhibited great courage and strength of will. First in their willingness to cover the news in a dangerous situation and then in their battle to overcome life threatening injuries.

We admire the athletes who show physical strength whether it be in baseball, football, hockey, NASCAR racing, basketball, Olympic sports, soccer, or any other sport you can think of. These people need to be in top physical condition in order to be at their peak playing ability. A lot of effort and grueling exercise goes into toning their bodies. Unfortunately some of them also pump steroids into those bodies which gives a very bad signal to their young fans. They are saying "go ahead and cheat it's okay as long as you don't get caught." When athletes use steroids they are showing a distinct lack of strength of will. It is an easy fix and they don't have to work as hard physically to get in shape because they are depending on chemicals to do part of the job for them.

There is another kind of strength that is as important as strength of body. That is the strength of will that Mahatma Gahndi spoke about. It is an inner strength that needs to be cultivated and worked on just as much as physical strength. It is the strength to work on our inherent flaws that all of us have because we are human. It is the necessity to work on a bad temper before it gets out of control and harms someone. It is the necessity to speak out when we see injustice. It is the strength necessary to keep our inner souls in a state of grace.

Strength is something that you find in yourselves when you are faced with personal catastrophes. It is that inner strength that will allow you to rise over whatever troubles are facing your lives and allow you not only to survive but flourish.

The picture is called "Phoenix Rising" and as the phoenix rises from the ashes so we too can rise from misfortune if we develop that inner strength that God gives us.

 

We Are One

"The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass." Dogen

Sometimes in life we are so busy dissecting things and trying to find out what the parts are that we forget that there is also a whole. While science strives to see how the parts work, philosophy and theology are more concerned with the whole picture.

We are all part of the circle of life. The smallest change can affect a larger picture. We see this in the El Nino/La Nina weather patterns. A change in the temperature of the ocean determines whether we will have drought or flooding. A change in the ozone layer can bring about global warming and change our weather patterns. A slip of the plates that make up this world can cause earthquakes or tidal waves killing thousands of people and causing untold destruction. A solar flare can interrupt communications. An accident at a nuclear facility can over twenty years later still affect the health both mental and physical of the people that inhabited the area.

In life a careless word spoken can change a relationship forever. A slip of the tongue can destroy the happiness that has taken years to build up. At the same time a soft word spoken or a smile can change the type of day a stranger is having.

In addition to being individuals we are part of the whole. What we say and do can have an effect on many lives. No man is an island. Few of us have the money of a Howard Hughes where we can shut ourselves away from the world. Like it or not we are a part of the world we live in. We affect it and it affects us. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of daily life it is a good thing to stop and reflect on the calm of a dewdrop. We need to allow the beauty that is around us to fill our souls and thank the God that made us and let him/her know that you appreciate this life and will try and do your part to make the whole a good place to live in.

The picture is called "Moonlit Sea."

 

Two Out of Three

Remember the old Meatloaf song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad?" His "Bat Out of Hell" is one of my favorite albums. Any way I am at that point in the wedding department. I finished my Niece's bridal veil last night. What I didn't realize when I bought the material was that I was going to have to do the whole thing by hand in order for it to look right. Two very long yards of material hemmed on four sides, hot glue gun at ready for the decorations and voila a crown fit for a Princess Bride. The flowers, the veil and this weekend the dress. Almost home.

My niece has used the word amazing several times in the last few days to describe me. I got a one word WOW!!!! from a friend over my latest picture. I am feeling real good about myself today. I am accomplishing things that I wasn't sure I could pull off.

What a wonderful and complex thing the human brain is. We have been given such a tremendous gift in our mental abilities. We can use that brain to imagine and create extraordinary things.

It saddens me that one of the first things that is always cut in schools that are strapped for cash is the arts. We need to be encouraging our children to create. Art is important in our lives. Art, whether it be painting, sculpture, singing, acting, writing, or any of the thousands of variation there of, enriches our lives. There is too much emphasis on the ugly in life and the arts are despirately needed to show us the beauty that exists.