Fear

We have been having an intellectual discussion over in my Prisoner newsgroup. I'm proud of what is being discussed because I proposed the topic of existentialism versus realism in the show. We have talked about fear and what we fear and why we fear.

Are we afraid of things that we shouldn't be? Do things build up so badly that the only emotion left is fear? What makes us afraid?

One person fears that he has given in to society and not stood up as an individual. It brings up the idea of at what point do we need to exert our individuality and say no to those around us? Obviously there are some rules that we need to observe in society. We can't yell fire in a crowded theater just because we feel like it. We need to make sure our actions aren't harming others. We should have the right however to peaceful protest when society does something we don't approve of. We have a right to tell our elected officials when we think they are wrong.

For some people life is a series of things to fear. When I was in my marriage I had to worry about everything I said or did because my husband would explode and threaten me if I displeased him. I had to find a way to leave that gave me protection against the man my psychologist warned me would try to kill me if I left him. That type of fear can paralyze you.

People fear being laughed at. I can stand being told I'm wrong but I can't stand being ridiculed. The ego is a fragile thing and being laughed at is something that can crush a person's spirit.

There are some fears that are so intense they are called phobias. I can not stand being in small enclosed spaces. I dread elevators or large crowds because I am claustrophobic. I am also deathly afraid of snakes. I manage to keep the claustrophobia in check and there have only been a handful of occasions in my life when I have actually felt panicked. Snakes I can avoid although some movies love throwing them in. There are parts of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" that I have only glimpsed through fingers.

Fears can be overcome especially if you allow others to help you. Friends gave me shelter from my ex-husband and allowed me to break away and live a life where I no longer have to be afraid. I can get on elevators without my heart racing. I have overcome the fear of failure by giving myself reasonable goals and not beating myself up if I make a mistake. I am human after all and as the saying goes to err is human, to forgive is divine.

I think for me the ability to face each day without the dreadful fear of doing or saying something that would set him off has given me a new outlook on life. No matter what I face in the future nothing can be as terrifying as my past. I know what is important to me in life. When you have your priorities straight then you can look your fears straight in the eye and overcome them.

The picture is called "The Door." I showed it not to long ago but it does represent so well what I am talking about. If you look only at the things you are afraid of and fail to realize that all around you are ways away from your fears you will be stuck at that door being afraid forever. You can free yourself and you can help others to find their freedom.

 

Birthday

Today is my birthday. My glib answer as to age is 29 and holding. Of course by now I have been holding for 29 years also. My Oriental Wisdom calendar has this to say for today: "We can be spacious yet full of loving kindness; full of compassion, yet serene. Live like the strings of a fine instrument - not too taut but not too loose." Buddha

That is a nice sentiment for a birthday greeting. I love music and play the guitar a bit so a string instrument is apropos. I may not be a Stradivarius but maybe I can strive to be a lower end Ovation guitar.

I have seen and experienced a lot in my lifetime. On the day I was born a tornado hit the other side of town. The Alaskan earthquake also happened on this day. I tell my brothers when they tease me about the disasters on my birthday that Mother Nature is just celebrating my birth a little too enthusiastically.

I have been lucky enough to see man step on the moon and Rover land on Mars. I am a huge space fan and devourer the pictures from Viking and all the space probes. I love space and mankind’s exploration of our solar system and beyond is a constant delight.

I have watched as the medical world has found cures for diseases such as polio that almost cost my mother her life when she was a child. There has been great strives made in the war on cancer. It is a battle that I believe will be won in my lifetime.

I love films and great actors. I have watched in my lifetime the greats perform, people like Lawrence Olivier, Alec Guinness, John Gielgud and others of the old school. I have watched the newer generation and applauded performances by Kenneth Branagh, Liam Neeson, Timothy Dalton, Viggo Mortensen and others that light up our screens now.

I have watched in awe as my favorite book, the Lord of the Rings, was brought in all its glory to the screen by Peter Jackson. I remember seeing the original Star Wars so many years ago and being blown away. I have attended, worked and even ran science fiction conventions, the special province of geeks like me.

I have known great love in my life from my maternal grandparents and my own parents and brothers, niece and grandnephews and grandniece. The picture is one of my favorites being that of my Grandpa Hughes and myself. I have had the love of friends all through my life. I have had the privilege of knowing and touching the lives of people who to this day let me know how much my friendship has meant to them. I have been able to be in a position to help others and have had people come to my help when I needed it.

My life hasn't always been a bed of roses but I have had more ups then downs and through it all I have felt the presence of God watching over me. All in all I must say that this day brings with it the pleasure of being alive.

 

Determination

I think the flowers out here in the Midwest are showing great determination at the moment. The daffodils, tulips, crocus, etc. know that it is supposed to be Spring and they aren't letting a little thing like six inches of snow stop them from coming up.

I think determination is a wonderful quality. It is the thing that makes other things happen. It is the strength of will to push on in spite of the odds to achieve your goal. I can be a very determined individual at times. I was determined to take control of my life and rescue myself from a bad marriage. It wasn't easy but I did it.

When it comes to my art I will get determined that the picture is going to come out the way I want it. I will literally spend hours on a picture working and working until it becomes the picture that I want. I am determined that my art will be the best that I can do.

Merlin is a very determined little animal. He is determined that he will get me to sit down so he can climb on my lap and enjoy being with his mommy. Some mornings he is determined that I will get up whether I want to or not. He doesn't seem to understand that my schedule isn't always the same as his.

I got very emotionally involved in my last job and I was determined that this time around when I walked out at quitting time the job stayed there and didn't come home with me. It is something I am trying to teach my brother to do. It is something I am starting to make headway on teaching my Mom to do.

There are many things that I am determined to do in my life and I am slowly making my way through and accomplishing those goals. I still have other goals that aren't finished as yet but they will be.

The picture is called "Determination."

 

Beginnings

My Oriental Wisdom calendar has a Buddhist proverb that says, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I like that quote because you can't teach a closed mind. The mind needs to be open to new ideas before it can learn anything.

A couple of days ago I read a very exciting science article. Scientists at a news conference at Princeton University presented the "smoking gun" in the big bang theory. I am fascinated by astrophysics and astronomy. My Dad was a physicist so that area of science was one that I could talk to him about. The idea that the entire universe could explode out of a primordial atom is mind boggling.

My belief in science does not negate my belief in God. If you truly believe that God is all powerful then you have to believe that he is powerful enough to create that primordial atom that exploded into the multitude of life as we see it now. All of life from something so tiny. What an extraordinary creation that is.

Many people are afraid of science because they fear that it diminishes or negates God. I find that on the contrary science shows how powerful God is. We have evolved and learned enough that we should be able to take the complexities of science and be able to see God's hand in its beginnings. I remember a scientist remarking that even if you take our universe back scientifically as far into the past as you can you still run into God. I think that science shows a more powerful God then the pseudo science of creationism or intelligent design. I feel both of those beliefs negate the true power and magnificence of God. The God I believe in is powerful enough to create one atom and let it explode and evolve into the complexity of the universe around us. Why would I want a lesser God?

The picture is called "Birth of a Galaxy."

Who We Are

We have been discussing nationality on one of my news groups. It has gotten a little heated. One person insists that a person's nationality is solely based on where he or she was born. I feel that a person's ethnic background also affects one's nationality. The way I see it a person born in the United States of Irish parents is not only an American but is also Irish. A person's religion also contributes a part in what makes a person what he is. In my case I am an American by birth but I'm also Irish, Scottish, English, Pennsylvania Dutch and Cherokee as well as Catholic. My ancestors came from Ireland, Scotland, England, and Germany. My great grandmother was a member of the Cherokee tribe. I was born and raised Catholic. All of this is part of what I am.

I do wonder if the American way of looking at nationality as being not only American but also part of where you family emigrated from is due to the relatively young age of our country. Unlike other countries who can go back thousands of years and draw a direct parallel from ancient times to the present we only go back a couple of hundred years. Even those people who are native to this land are a diverse group of people. It is only in the movies that all Native Americans are the same. Each tribe has their own customs, languages, religions, and way of life. They can not be lumped together into one group. I think because this country is so physically huge and so many people immigrated from so many different lands that our clinging to our roots is our way of coping with the vastness.

I am proud to be an American but I am also proud of my other heritages. I am a student of history and I study where my ancestors come from. Just because I honor my other heritages it doesn't make me any less of an American. The past is the only way we can learn lessons in life. It is through our past that we learn how to cope with our present and plan for our future.

America is a melting pot and we should get to know all the various cultures that contribute to the American people we are today. The only place where I draw the line is race. As far as I am concerned there is only one race and  that is the human race. We should embrace those things that make us what we are. We should learn to understand the differences that come from a diverse people. We should never forget that we are however one race, one family, one Earth. This planet is all we have and we must learn to protect it and all of its inhabitants. In spite of all of our differences we are all part of the family of man.

The picture is again based on the show "The Prisoner" and is called "Hide N' Seek."

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Today is St. Patrick's Day and for those of us who are Irish it is a special day. For Irish-Americans it is a day when we can see how far we have come. When the Irish first came to America they were the poorest of the poor. You would see signs that said "No Dogs or Irishmen". We have come from cleaning mansions to owning mansions. There are many parades and celebrations to honor this day.

In spite of our accomplishments there is still a long way to go for us as a people. When John Kennedy was elected president he had to face the prejudice that still exists of being an Irish Catholic. Growing up Irish I faced that same prejudice. You still see some of that prejudice today.

In Ireland their economy has thrived and they are known as the Celtic Tiger. In Northern Ireland the uneasy peace of the Irish Accord is still in place but true equality is not. The deep seated distrust of the Protestants versus the Catholics is still there. Gone thank God is the violence that destroyed so many lives.

So today we celebrate but in that celebration we need to remember that there are others who still struggle like we once did. As Irishmen we need to make it our duty to help those less fortunate then ourselves to achieve the dreams that we have reached.

The picture is called "By the Risin' of the Moon."

 

Food of the Gods

If coffee isn't the food of the gods then it should be. I am not one of those morning people who jump out of bed raring to go all bright eyed and bushy tailed. It is a real struggle to emerge from my cocoon of covers. On weekdays it is only when I can smell the coffee that I even attempt getting up. I have a programmable coffee maker that I set up the night before.

I have always been a night person and many times I'll look at the clock and it is well after midnight and I'm either still reading or working on a piece of artwork. I will never be a morning person although I can fake it fairly well as long as I have an ample supply of caffeine.

Merlin on the other hand is all raring to go in the mornings and on days when my brother has to be at work early it is a real pain when the cat thinks I should be up also. You would think that after almost seven years of sharing a bed with me Merlin would realize that morning is not mommy's favorite time of day.