That's a Wrap

"Why are we unhappy? We are unhappy because we are enslaved. Who enslaves us? We do, ourselves." Swami Vivekananda

I actually tried to write this morning but AOL has been so flaky lately it knocked me off and hey we all know how much I love heading off to work on a Monday morning. Yes my enjoyment factor is in the negative numbers thanks for asking.

To wrap up a few things. Saturday night and I finally found BBC America on our new Comcast which works just as well as Insight and don't ask okay? Doctor Who, oh yes love the Smith and Jones episode. No problem watching that one again. The Torchwood second season premier. Okay Captain Jack is back. Good to see James Marsten from Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer series. Uh-oh Captain Jack doesn't look real happy about seeing his old friend. Showdown at the bar time. Oh boy that won't be in the edited version! Passionate kiss and then beat the crap out of each other? Yes I am watching Torchwood. Definitely more adult then Doctor Who. Judging from last night's episode which I did enjoy a lot it will not be one of their longer episodes across the pond when they try and edit it for the family hour. ;-) Maybe 10 minutes ;-)

On to the South Carolina primary can we just say WHOO-HOO! Yes I am happy. And to the idiot who keeps trying to leave political commentary on AOL on the news stories have you thought of engaging your brain before you write? I love his comment about Barak Obama not being an American name. Sorry Hiawatha must have been taken when they named him. Other then that there is no such thing as an "American name" as everyone else immigrated from some other country. America is a melting pot and any name you can think of is now "American"  because of that. And speaking of names AOL do you really expect me to believe that your lovely little tech support helper with the very heavy Indian accent is really named Fiona?

A blast from the past today courtesy of my little brother. He actually managed to get in contact with one of my favorite musicians from when I was in college. It was such a kick to realize that I remember the lady he is married to. Those were definitely the days. One of the biggest joys in my life was college and theater.

I made a contact with a lady here in town who is a Prisoner fan and teaches at the university up the street. We plan on meeting up. It will be fun to be able to talk about one of my favorite shows with a fellow fan.  I'm looking forward to it.

So that's a wrap on the last couple of days. The picture is called Ginger.

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Makes Sense

"Power of mind is infinite while brawn is limited." Koichi Tohei

My favorite football player of all time, Joe Montana, was named the quarterback for the Fantasy Super Bowl Team. Whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!! One of the things that did not get put in storage is my signed Joe Montana picture.

Joe really symbolizes today's quote. He was a thinking quarterback whose mind was just as important as his physical abilities. It was his ability to out think his opponents and that wonderful throwing arm that has made him the greatest quarterback of all time. I vividly remember a game in Denver when they were down to the two minute warning and the Denver fans thought they had the game in the bag. No way. Two touchdowns later Joe had won the game.

It is our ability to think that raises us above the level of animals. Unfortunately sometimes we think in primitive ways that denigrates the mind that we were given to use wisely. I have a coworker who uses her mind to try and get people in trouble. Why waste your abilities trying to scheme to hurt others?

After blowing up at work the other day people have stepped back and are starting to treat me with respect. They found that there are limits to what I will put up with. My boss turned on the lady and snapped at her for her efforts to try and get me in trouble. I was doing what I was told according to the directions I was given. It was an incorrectly worded EOB on the part of the insurance company that had me posting something contrary to what it should have been posted.

As I was taking my splitting headache home last night I had a picture idea that I tried. I am pleased with the effort. It is a very calming picture and I have called it Rose Window.

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Can't Manage That

"Even our enemy is useful to us because, in order to practice compassion we need to practice tolerance, forgiveness, and patience, the antidotes to anger." Dalai Lama

Don't get me wrong I am really in awe of the Dalai Lama. He is a fantastic person and does so much good for the world. Unfortunately he is also an example of why I could never be Buddhist because I can not seem to ever get the serenity into my system and anger out of my system for good like he can. I must work on that.

Work is driving me nuts. After 15 months we are still working with a broken computer system and finding new errors every day. We are getting slammed by anonymous critics in the paper and the Administration will not give out the truth or support us. It is no wonder that moral is so low in my department. When they reported about the meeting today and how they are waiting to let the people know the truth and not stick up for us I let them know just what I thought about them throwing us to the wolves and not supporting us. If you want to keep good people you stand behind them and don't let them be the fall guys because you picked the wrong computer system. I also tore into a coworker who tried to blame me for a computer problem that I did not do. I did my job right and I let her know in no uncertain terms she was wrong and she was not going to blame me. End of story. I am tired of having to do her work and my own because she is always goofing off. I get dumped on more and more because I do the job right. I’m tired and stressed and have just about had it.

Okay end of rant. Sometimes you just have to get it off your chest.

I have found a way to fix a problem I have been having with the animal pictures in DAZ. For some reason the eyes were always coming out as black holes. I love black holes in space but hey not in my pictures. I discovered by accident the fix for it and as a result redid about a half dozen pictures and now the dragons and big cats have actual eyes. I also redid my picture Sailor's Warning when I came across a better ship model.

I use to hesitate about redoing the art I wasn't real happy with and putting up both versions when I redid a picture but I realized one day that was foolish. If I didn't like the original enough so that I redid it why not just put up the version I redid and like? Art needs to be fluid and evolve. That is what I am trying to do now is evolve in my art and make sure that I don't get stuck in a rut. That and a little anger management.

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Monday Musings

"Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid of standing still." Chinese proverb

In the Sunday papers they had a strip where the sister was sitting at her computer trying to figure out what she wanted to write on the topic "I had a dream" and her brother was making a pithy comment about wanting to have a starlet after him. It was humorous but it also got me thinking.

What kinds of dreams would I like to see? After being on the Internet for a few years now I would definitely like to see some people shut up until they learn how to express themselves without the profanity. I would like to see a lot less knee jerk political garbage. I would like to see a lot less of the name calling. I would actually like to see people think for a change.

I would like to see some people outgrow their prejudices. I get tired of the disparaging remarks every Martin Luther King Day. Some people fail to remember that their own ancestors faced prejudice when they came over to this country. Martin Luther King tried to make change peacefully. People fail to realize just how bad the prejudice was and that those freedoms had to be fought for all over again.

As a person with a lot of gay friends I would like to see people realize that gays are humans just like the rest of us. They laugh. They cry. They love. They work. They have lives where they do the same things as all the rest of us. They are human beings. They need to be treated with the same respect that any other man or woman wants to treated with.

I would like people to actually pay attention to what scientists are saying. I get tired of “oh that's just Al Gore I'm a Republican so I don't need to listen to anything he says about global warming.” Okay how about you read what the scientists are saying? Get the politics out of the environment and start taking care of this planet. I'm sorry folks but this is all we have. We destroy this planet there is no where else we can go. We need to protect and clean up our environment.

Most of all I dream of humans learning to accept their differences but still embracing their humanity. We are one people. One world. Let's start learning to get along.

The picture is called Jade's Dragon.

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Soaring

"Moving one step towards finding the answer to the question, Who Am I?, we brought consciousness from outside to inside." Acharya Mahapranja

When I do my calendar each year I search for actual holidays. Some are wacky. Some are serious. Today is Eagle Day hence the picture of the same name.

The eagle is the National Bird in my country. It is a huge magnificent bird that can be sometimes terrifying but always beautiful to watch. You often hear the phrase "soar like an eagle." I think it would be wonderful to be able to fly and soar in the air the way those magnificent birds do.

If we can not fly at least we can soar spiritually and creatively. I have been doing art work like crazy and just added four pictures tonight alone to my website. Artistically I am soaring. I am also writing like crazy and have started my second novel.

I think it is so important that a person find something that they love doing and allow themselves to follow that love as far as they can. I may not be able to fly but I can soar in my imagination to worlds unknown. I can create beauty and I can feel good about myself. I am hoping that this year I can finally learn to let go and just change the only thing I can change which is myself for the better.

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Coming Out of It

"Praying is not about asking; it's about listening ... It is just opening your eyes to see what was there all along." Chagdud Tulka Rinpoche

The new medicine is starting to take effect and I'm feeling a little bit better. Of course the prednisone did the trick for a while the first time but when I finished the round this mess came back. Hopefully this time it will go away for good.

My mother handed me a check this morning so that I could pay off all of my medical bills and told me I didn't need to pay her back. She said it was her way of thanking God that there was no cancer. Today's quote really reinforces that gesture.

The beauty of her gesture made me step back and reevaluate my frustration at some of the things going on at work. It makes me realize that I just need to step back and not let it get to me. There is nothing I can do about the situation so I may as well just do my job to the best of my ability and take the paycheck and use it to support my art work and other hobbies. Life isn't worth the hassle of making yourself miserable. I just ignore the gossip and pettiness now. I can only change me and I have decided that there is no way I will be brought into the back stabbing going on.

I have been working on several pictures. I was never really satisfied with my The Queen’s Garden picture and with the new software I was able to change the central figure and the cat into something that I really liked. The picture is now what I wanted all along.

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Dreams

 

If you are going to run a fever and as a result have fever induced dreams at least have someone cute running through them like John Barrowman playing Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who and Torchwood. ;-)

 

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Sunday Thoughts

"When a man begins to have a vision larger than his own truth ... he begins to become conscious of his moral nature." Rabindranath Tagore

"Live as though you were already dead." Zen saying

The major thing I have wanted to do for the last few days is sleep. The cold won't go away. Unfortunately I had to work a half day Saturday. I don't know why we bothered because we are still no where close to catching up on the refunds the Board is whining about. Oh well I can use the money.

Two things colored my world these last few days one good, one negative. On Friday I talked with my grandniece for an hour while she interviewed me for her class project. It was an interesting experience going over things in my life and trying to explain my life to a thirteen year old. I think everyone should take the time to go over old memories and cherish the good ones. There are things that stand out in my life when I go over it the way I did on Friday evening.

On Saturday one of my coworkers was complaining that gay people use the rainbow as a symbol and that they have taken something beautiful and sullied it. What arrogant nonsense!

The rainbow is a symbol of God's love for everyone and gays have just as much right to use it as a symbol as anyone else. The small minded bigotry in this town drives me nuts. I am a product of the West Coast and theater. I was helped by several gay men when I was trying to get out of an abusive marriage.  I have had gay friends die of AIDS. I cherish my gay friends.

If you are going to call yourself Christian like this woman does then you should follow Christ's teachings. Two to keep in mind at all times are "Love thy neighbor as thyself" and "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Christ did not teach hatred and we should not allow hatred in our hearts if we are going to follow him.

The picture is called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

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Wading Through Wednesday

Yes I really do wish I were there. Last night as I was leaving home I got caught in a monster storm. In the short minute it took to get from the front of the hospital to my car I got absolutely soaked. The rain was coming horizontally. I could not see the lines in the road let alone try and find the side road I needed to turn onto to get home. I was going real slow and any Bozo behind me well tough. It was awful! I got home and immediately took a warm shower and then proceeded to do the picture called Hawaiian Summer Morning. Art as therapy.

I think one of the secrets to happiness is being able to have something that will take your mind away from things for a while so you can relax. Now matter how full your life is you need a little distraction. Cartoons are a good distraction. I discovered a fellow Marvin the Martian fan at work today. One of my new coworkers loves the little green guy also.

Unfortunately one of the side effects of the storm is a monster cold so I am going to trundle off to bed and curl up with a good mystery and no I don't mean the results of the New Hampshire primary. ;-)

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Much Ado About Monday

"The ultimate proof of God's existence will come through your own experience in meditation. Once you have found Him in the cathedral of silent meditation in the depths of your soul, you will find Him everywhere." Paramahansa Yogananda

Have I ever mention that the phone service in this little burg I live in sucks? It does. Big time. The main phone line keeps going out although my brother's second line always seems to stay going. It is so bad that the Verizon repair service is programmed into my cell phone because I always have to call and get the repairman out here. We were without phone service most of the weekend but amazingly it came back on this morning before they had to send a repairman out again. So other then a sucky phone service and work which was equally as frustrating that’s my life so how are things with you? ;-)

Needless to say I am thrilled with Barak Obama's win in Iowa and the fact that he is now the front runner. I lived in Illinois when Mr. Obama first campaigned for the Senate. I was impressed about how he could run a clean campaign and campaign on the issues and not degenerate into  personal attacks. He reserves the right to disagree on the issues without having to vilify the person who holds them. I really like that. Their aren't too many gentlemen in politics.

The weather, that's always a popular topic, has gone from snow on the ground to 60 degrees with snow predicted this weekend. Weird weather in the Midwest. I miss California with its two seasons, wet and dry. Hopefully the family out there haven't floated away.

Other then being really tired and still battling this stupid cold I'm hanging in there. I guess it beats the alternative. I did a little art over the weekend. This one is called Birches in the Snow. When I drove to a neighboring town a couple of weekends ago I was fascinated by the sight of the leafless trees against the storm sky. Of course I had to try my hand at the picture.

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Too Totally Thursday

"Although I try to hold the single thought of Buddha's teaching in my heart, I cannot help but hear the many crickets' voices calling as well." Isumi Shikibu

It has been a long day. Work wasn't as bad today as yesterday just a little frustrating since they decided we needed to do something new as of the first but hadn't bothered to tell us. You have to post this way but hey we forget to tell you or your boss, however you can be sure you will get blamed if it isn't done right even thought hey we forgot to tell you what to do. Oh well at least tomorrow is payday. It will be my first full paycheck in months. Of course part of it will be plowed back into the hospital to pay for the bills.

My best friend at work is taking a new job and tomorrow is her last day. We are bringing food in to celebrate. I went to the store and got the fixings for three of my dips. I'm doing my spinach dip, my chili con queso, and my double onion dip. It was fun to cook again after not having done it for so long. It is the one thing I miss about living here. Neither Mom nor my brother like spicy food or anything out of the ordinary so I don't cook hardly at all.

What I am doing a lot of is art and that is good its own way. I can still be creative. I am even more creative since I have recovered from the operation. Of course I could wish this stupid cold would go away then I'd really feel great.

The picture is called My Blue Heaven.

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Well It's Wednesday

"It has occurred to me that a seeker after truth has to be silent. I know the wonderful efficacy of silence. I know the secret of silence." Mahatma Gandhi

It is silent outside at the moment. Of course it is also 14 degrees and snowing but at least the wind isn't howling so maybe I can get some sleep tonight. I love this old house but upstairs when the wind is howling it is pretty scary. It is even more scary in a thunderstorm.

I have been doing a lot of art the last few days. I have so many ideas floating around of pictures that I want to do. I have done a couple of space ones including today's picture called Great Balls of Fire.

The first art I did on computer was space art and I find that I still love to do that type of art. Many times pictures taken from the Hubble telescope or space probes are my inspiration. I love the idea of combining science with the arts. Too often we think that the two are not compatible and should be kept separate. Life is too short however to separate things out into little compartments. You are science and stay away from art over there. Science you must be logical and art you must be more spiritual. Why can't science be spiritual and art be logical once in a while? I do my art on a computer and it is run by logic. Science is the study of nature which was created by God.

My love of science and astronomy lead me to science fiction which led me to art. There is room in my life for a little of everything. That's the way life should be. Once you compartmentalize life and try and shove it in a box well that way leads to madness. It is a mad enough world without making it worse.

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Happy New Year

"True knowledge is the knowledge of our own nature. Know yourself." Swami Vivekanada

It is snowing. Somehow I'm dreaming of a white new years doesn't have the same ring as white Christmas. But then this is the Midwest where the weather is weird to say the least.

Greeted the new year by waiting for my Mom to get home safely from work and then crashing with Merlin whose idea of a celebration usually includes the word nap.

I know it is traditional to make new year's resolutions but I rarely bother with them. Mainly because I never keep them when I get ambitious and do make them. There are a few things I want to accomplish this year. Finding an agent is the top of my list. Finding a way to start selling the art is up there too.

The main problem with new year's resolutions is that we get so negative with ourselves if we don't keep them. We also get way over ambitious in making them. Come on do you really need to lose 50 pounds by Spring? I usually try to do the weight thing in 5 pounds increments. It is a more realistic goal.

I'm going to try and be realistic this year if I can. I know however that I'm a dreamer and accept that. Know yourself is a good goal for 2008.

My first picture of the year is called Toasting the New Year.

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