Caring

“Like the silkworm you have built a cocoon around yourself. Who will save you? Burst your own cocoon and come out as the beautiful butterfly, as the free soul.” Swami Vivekananda

“Humans are not machines – we are something more. We have feelings and experiences. Material comforts are not sufficient to satisfy us. We need something deeper – human affection.” Dalai Lama

For many people healthcare is mainly considered to be the ability to keep the body functioning properly. I have family and friends trying to keep diabetes under control. My mother is dealing with a bad heart. People I know are dealing with cancer. I worked for several years getting kidney dialysis supplies to patients. We look to our doctors and health care system to keep our bodies alive and working properly. Our healthcare system will pay for flu shots. They will pay for operations to repair the body.

Where we fall down though is trying to fix the mind. I have an Aunt suffering from Alzheimer’s. If she had cancer her insurance would pay for the cancer drugs but they don’t pay for her help in trying to live day-to-day with her mind affected. The State would help pay for her caregivers only if she had less then $2,000.00 to her name.

My nephew turned 13 yesterday. He is a highly intelligent boy and a real geek. He got a robot kit and was excitedly telling me how he was going to program it. He received my Irish dragon picture and declared it “awesome.” He also suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome. For him life is a daily struggle with an extremely intelligent mind that doesn’t function well in social situations. I saw the mood swings in the conversation we had on his birthday. My niece struggled and fought for years to try and get an indifferent medical system to correctly diagnosis her son.

I worked for six years with a woman who had a Down’s Syndrome son. He was one of the sweetest young men you would ever want to meet. She worries about him because he is in his twenties now and she knows that her older daughters will be facing having to take care of him when she and her husband go. It is hard for her to find the help she needs for him.

If we are to truly reform healthcare then we need to reform our care of those suffering not only in body but in mind as well. We need to make it easier for caregivers. We must provide the resources to help care for patient’s with Alzheimer’s. A close friend of mine, my art mentor, recently wrote to me to tell me about caring for his mother who passed away after suffering from Alzheimer’s. The anguish for caring for someone you love and the pain of them not even knowing who you are is unbelievable. My brother’s tell me of the same anguish of dealing with my Aunt.

I know the toll that taking care of her son has had for my niece. She has two other children to care for. I feel the same anguish as he is my godson and in many ways he is my grandson too. We are close. He shares a love of all things geek and fantasy and dragons. We bonded from the start. There is a real pain in hearing him feel hurt. I worry about him.

It is time that we start giving the mind the same healthcare that we give the body. It is time we give caregivers the help they need to care for loved ones. It is one of the most difficult jobs in the world caring for someone you love. I help care for my Mom. She is still able to get around and do most things for herself but I see her body failing. Her arthritis won’t let her do many things with her hands and I open jars and turn keys and do what I can to help. I call her from work every day to make sure she is okay. I do all her shopping for her. Like many caregivers I am aware of what she did for me and I want to care for her. But as my brothers and sister-in-law know in caring for our Aunt and as my niece and her husband know in caring for her son, there is an emotional toll on us as well.

As Congress goes forward with plans to reform healthcare we need to make sure that they understand that it isn’t only a healthy body that is important. You have to care for the mind also. You have to care for the caregivers.

What's in a Name?

“When we are aware of our soul, we perceive the inner life that surpasses our ego and that has profound affinities with the Whole.” Rabindranath Tagore

“When we are able to recognize and forgive ignorant actions done in one’s past, we strengthen ourselves and can solve the problems of the present constructively.” Dalai Lama

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2

There has been a renewed debate on the use of pseudonyms especially on the web. It is an ongoing debate that has no real easy answers. Over on the Web I am usually logged in under michelewln for the simple fact it is my email address. I bounce around too many places to try and remember them all by a different name. Besides it is a combination of my real names Michele and Wilson. For me it is no big deal if people know my actual name. I have gone from hating my name as a child because no one was named Michele to loving it after the Beatle’s song. Of course life would have been a whole lot easier if my Dad had put the second L in there. He just laughed when I told him that once. You cannot believe the number of people whom I will spell my name to and they will put 2 L’s in it any way as if I don’t really know how my name is spelled.

There are good arguments for using pseudonyms sometimes. One of my favorite authors growing up was Mark Twain whose real name of course was Samuel Clemens. A lot of authors have more then one name making it easier to write and sell in more then one genre. Some people, especially on political blogs, have to be careful because their companies do not want their employees giving out their political opinions because they don’t want anyone to think that the opinions of the employees are the same as those of management. The converse is also true that some employees would prefer not to be associated with the political opinions of the company the work for.

Their are some people who have to be careful that they can’t be traced. I move from California where all my friends were to the Midwest in part because I was warned by the counselor I was seeing that my life was in danger from my now ex-husband. I don’t mind if people know my name but I am careful of my address. The point is we do not really know what another person may be facing and the reason they don’t want their real name out there. There may be real good reasons to keep anonymous.

Being from a theater background I am more then familiar with “stage names.” I have no problem with them. There are rules that prevent more then one person from acting professionally under the same name. Thus McGuyver star Richard Dean Anderson uses his middle name because Richard Anderson was working on The Bionic Man. Doctor Who star David Tennant uses that name instead of McDonald because their was already a David McDonald acting in British Equity.

My problem with pseudonyms or handles or whatever you want to call them comes from when they are abused. I became thoroughly sick of some of these “phony” names when I was married to a man who was a part of the “furry” community of science fiction. These people use character names and make expensive costumes and have a life totally devoid of reality sometimes. My ex used the fact that he could hide behind a character name to be abusive on the web and in real life. Too many of his friends were the same way. I am very uncomfortable around that section of fandom.

Don’t get me wrong I am a thorough geek and I love science fiction. I ran my own science fiction convention for several years. I have costumes including an original Star Trek one in science blue thank you very much. I love costume contests at science fiction conventions. I had a friend whom I dearly loved who would come up with the most outlandish costumes. Imagine if you will the “chandelier from Phantom of the Opera” or a slightly tatty looking “Batman Spotlight Logo.”

I gave up trying to do the discussions on Usenet because of the number of trolls whose sole purpose is to try and disrupt conversations and start flame wars. The only places I go now days is the moderated forums. It is a shame that the only way to talk about mutual interests is if someone has the authority to moderate because some people cannot act responsibility. I leave Usenet to the children.

There is however a power in names. There are some names that just make you cringe such as Hitler. One that really disturbs me is “Taliban.” When you realize that the way they treat their women is worse then a slave animal is treated it makes me sick. They are terrorists plain and simple. Whatever “ideals” that some of them may have had at the beginning have been subverted. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. When Rep. Pete Sessions bragged about the Republican learning “insurgency” because of the Taliban I was, to use a good Irish word, gobsmacked. Let’s be clear who we are talking about here and take just one month, June of last year. In June, at least 45 international troops -- including 27 Americans -- were reported killed in Afghanistan. In Iraq, 31 international troops -- including 29 U.S. troops and one each from Georgia and Azerbaijan -- died in June.

So Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX), chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee thinks learning from these people who have cost the lives of so many people is a good thing? And his reason is because even though President Obama kept trying to push bipartisanship on the stimulus bill the Republicans wanted nothing to do with it if it didn’t mean giving them their own way and not compromising? Now consider these facts that in 2000, Clinton’s last year, the surplus amounted to $236 billion and Bush blew through Clinton’s surplus in his first year and the surplus President Bush inherited turned into a record deficit: $455 billion. Do the math. Why should we give you your way Mr. Sessions? You who think learning from the terrorists who are killing our men and women is a good thing and you who screwed our economy up.

A lot of Republicans are whining about people publishing their opinions under pseudonyms and attacking them. So there is my opinion above and my real name too. I think bringing the name of the Taliban into your political and economic argument is reprehensible.
So I’m little, Irish-American, a redhead and born under the sign of Aries. You don’t really expect me to be quiet and demure do you? After all we Irish have a saying:

Dance as if no one were watching.
Sing as if no one were listening.
Live each day as if it’s your last.

And I intend to sing and dance and live each day to the fullest. And if I feel like giving my opinion I’ll do so.

Irish Valentine

“He who would know the secret of both worlds will find that the secret of them both is Love.” Attar

“Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.” Dalai Lama

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” Oscar Wilde

Today is rather a chilly Valentine’s Day in the Midwest. We had a few days of warmish weather that melted the foot of snow finally but more of the white stuff is on the way. It should be a quiet weekend that I’m going to spend at home once I get the shopping out of the way. I’m mailing my grandnephew his birthday gift. He wanted something that was Irish and had a dragon in it. As one of my coworkers said “he’s a good kid.”

My main Valentine for today is my Mom. I’ll get her shopping done for her as she hates to shop. Other then that I’ll see what she feels like doing and if she doesn’t really feel like doing something I’ll just stay near her.

Valentine’s Day should be dedicated towards others. So kudos to my brothers Reid and Jerry and Jerry’s wife Debi for taking care of our Aunt with Alzheimer’s. I know it is really rough on them.

Congratulations to my niece who has an opportunity now to do the research she needs for her Master’s Degree and help fight homelessness at the same time. I am so proud of her.

I received a gift catalog from Creative Irish Gifts the other day and I want to send a Valentine out to them. They were founded with the sole purpose of financially supporting the activities of the Irish Children’s Fund, Inc. They are working with the children of Belfast to foster peace and understanding between Protestant and Catholic young people. It is non-political and interdenominational. You can find more about them at www.icfkids.org and if you are looking for great Irish themed gifts try shopping at http://www.shopirish.com/

And of course a furry Valentine to both Merlin and Pixie who started out my day with purrs and cuddling with me. And since Merlin is now at 16 ½ pounds that is a lot of cuddling.

A Windy Holiday

“Only those who exert themselves fully will attain the Way, but even if you abandon all for the ancient path of meditation, you can never forget the meaning of sadness.” Dogen

“Human happiness and human satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself. It is wrong to expect some final satisfaction to come from money or from a computer.” Dalai Lama

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Oscar Wilde

When I was in school today was a holiday because it is Lincoln’s Birthday. We also got the 22nd, Washington’s Birthday, off. Now in the quest for more 3-day weekends we have the ubiquitous “President’s Day.” I for one wish that we still had the separate celebrations. I feel that today’s children are getting the short shrift in learning just how important these two men were in making this country what it is today.

I am well aware that modern historians have uncovered flaws in both men but if you understand what their times were like and the mentality of those times that were not as enlightened as ours are now then their accomplishments are monumental. Being from the Midwest originally and coming back to it later in life I have more of a personal fascination for Abraham Lincoln. It is no secret that our President Barak Obama has too.

I think others today can probably do a better comparison of Lincoln and Obama. I personally am most impressed with both men’s ability to speak. I learned the Gettysburg address on my own because it is so beautiful and heartfelt. I think Obama hit the same stride when he gave his famous speech on race in America.

The thing that is on my mind today is the fact that Abraham Lincoln was willing to make a stand. He was willing to do something about abolishing slavery even at the risk of tearing the country apart. He was willing to become involved.

If we learn anything from the celebrations today we should learn that each and every one of us needs to become involved. There are many people who complain about the government but if you ask them they tell you they are not a member of any party. They don’t vote. They don’t know who their representatives are. They don’t become involved because is for “someone else to do.” If you aren’t willing to make an effort to get involved in the political process then why do you think you have a right to complain?

One thing that really puzzles me are people who are “independents” and not a member of a party. In politics today it is the party members who get elected. If you aren’t working in one or other of the parties then how are you supposed to try and get good people to run and win? Very few people who are running as “independents” ever get elected to anything. Wouldn’t it make more sense if you really care about what is going on to get involved in a party and try to change things? Does anyone really think Obama would have been elected if the people who become involved in “grass roots politics” hadn’t been there with our small donations but willingness to work the long hours trying to convince people to vote? If this last election proved anything it proved that we the people can make a difference. With the way our country and world is today we need to start becoming involved. It is no longer acceptable to let the other guy do it. Guess what? The other guy is waiting for you to become involved.

As the wind blows fiercely here in the Midwest today we should rededicate ourselves to becoming part of “we the people.” We need to get involved and stay involved because “yes we can” make a difference. Each and every one of us has a part to play. As a reminder of his birthday today I’ll end with the Gettysburg Address. It is a short but very beautiful and still resonates even in today’s world.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met here on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense we can not dedicate - we can not consecrate - we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled, here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but can never forget what they did here.

It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they have, thus far, so nobly carried on. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us - that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion - that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation shall have a new birth of freedom; and that this government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Penalizing Our Veterans

“When you hear the splash of the water drops that fall into the stone bowl, you will feel all the dust of your mind is washed away." Sen No Rikyu

“Just as rust, which arose from iron itself, wears out the iron, likewise, performing an action without examination would destroy us by projecting us into a negative state of existence.” Dalai Lama

One of the most shameful things about the current economic crisis is that billions are given to CEOs to prop up failing businesses that they have caused to fail with their greed. Now these CEOs have the audacity to whine that they can’t make it on the $500,000.00 a year that they would be limited to if the companies they have run into the ground receive more Federal aid. These people have fancy planes, yachts, houses, etc. They take fancy retreats. They eat at the best restaurants. They can afford exceptional health care. At the other end of the spectrum are our Veterans.

Our Veterans have placed their lives on the line in order to protect all of us. Many have become disabled fighting in foreign lands. Many have lost their lives leaving grieving families to go it alone. What do we “reward” our veterans with? We put in place United States Code 10 USC Section 1175. This insidious piece of legislation gives the government the right to take back separation pay from our veterans. My brother is one of the victims of this law.

My brother served in the Army for many years. He risked his life in Vietnam. He has health problems that go back to that time. The Army decided that they wanted long term veterans like my brother to retire so they put together a voluntary retirement package. What they didn’t bother to tell them was that when they reached retirement age they were going to deduct that money from their retirement pay. They are now hitting my brother for 177 months of retirement pay. He gave 177 months of his life to our country and they want him to pay them for it.

Congress talks about a stimulus package and getting our economy going. We have billions earmarked for businesses but ignore our Veterans. I think one of out top priorities has to be the men and women who have risked their lives for us so that we may live free. We need to reward them for their service to our country not penalize them. United States Code 10 USC Section 1175 needs to be repealed immediately.

At the Office

“The closer you stand to the lighthouse, the darker it gets.” Japanese proverb

“You can develop the right attitude toward others if you have kindness, love and respect for them, and a clear realization of the oneness of all human beings.” Dalai Lama

Overheard at the work place.

Troublemaker #1: “Watch I’m going to give this to Michele and she will refuse to post it.” She walks to my cube. “(Bosses name) said it was okay for us to post this to small balance.” Me:” Okay just put it in the Adjustments tray.” TM#1 walks back to her cube fuming. Coworker friends 1 & 2: snicker.

Troublemaker #2 at work trying to say it is my posting responsible for Medicare not posting right claiming you need to do all of these extra keystrokes to trick the system into posting correctly. Boss: “If she has to do even one extra keystroke the system is at fault.” Troublemaker #2 walks back to her cube fuming.

Friend #3 asks me to go out to dinner with them that evening. I usually don’t go out after work but decided it has been a rough couple weeks and going out for pasta with friends sounded like a good idea so I said yes.

Friend #3 to Friend #4: all excited “I got Michele to go out to dinner with us.” Friend #4: “Yeah.”

After dinner as we were leaving friend #1 says:” Michele thank you so much for coming out to dinner with us.”

It was a good day at work yesterday.

Network

“To express your courage outwardly is to concern yourself with death. To express your courage inwardly is to encounter life.” Lao-Tzu

“Think of the act of charity and all its beneficial results as aimed solely toward the benefit of others. Even though charity can be performed by those seeking their own benefit, altruistic giving involves no selfishness at all.” Dalai Lama

When I was growing up there was a movie called Network starring the late, great Peter Finch. He had a line that has become very famous, “I’m mad al hell and I’m not going to take it any more.” That is how I feel today. I wrote my last blog in honor of my Dad. He was a man I greatly admired and respected. He was my hero and I miss him very much. I got some beautiful comments over at The Daily Kos site that I have become a member of. I got slammed by my own family.

One brother took offense at my comment about red tape and that we were finally able to get him some help. I was told I had nothing to do with his getting his disability that he deserves. I was the one who went on line and downloaded and printed off the forms he needed and the addresses and phone numbers of where to go. I was the one who ordered and paid for getting him a copy of his birth certificate that he needed. I was the one who was contributing part of my paycheck to our mother who is constantly sending him money to help him out. I didn’t ask for thanks, which was good, as I certainly got none from him. I did it because he is my brother and I wanted to help.

I have always tried to be there for my brothers. I use to think their constant snarky comments were a way of showing affection. At least that is what they always told me. I am beginning to think it is all a lie. One “accidentally” cc’s me on a nasty crack he emailed one of my brothers. Snarky comments back and forth in email between the brothers at my expense is their idea of humor. Who cares if it hurts their sister? They don’t.

I willingly gave up my life and a good paying job to move in with my mother to take care of her in her declining years because she asked me too. I am working at a low paying, high stress job because that is all there is in this tiny little Midwest town. I moved away from all my friends. All of my beautiful stuff is in a storage shed that has been broken into three times. I didn’t ask for praise or kudos I did it because I loved my mother and I promised my Dad I would take care of her the best I could if he died before she did. I’m keeping my promise.

My Mom is in congestive heart failure. She has been constantly sick with one thing or another for months now. She is sick again today. I help clean around the house and talk to her and try to be there for her. I worry about how forgetful she has become. A few weeks ago she was in a panic because she couldn’t find her car keys. She had left them on a brick wall in the carport. Anyone coming up our driveway would have seen the keys and the car they clearly went to and could have stolen her car.

I got a call last week when my Mom couldn’t find her cat. Even though my brother works at the same place I do I got the call and I was the one who came home to find the cat hiding from a noisy handyman. One of the reasons my mother asked me to come and live with her was because she needed someone to help care for her. My older brother lives her also but she is always having to take care of him. She cleans up after him. She makes excuses for him. I just cleaned the bathroom we share that he messed up because the handyman is coming tomorrow to paint.

My brothers rarely call our Mom. She hears from them on holidays, maybe, not always then. They can find time for everything else especially tearing down their only sister but a half hour a week just to call and talk to their mother is too much to ask. Unless of course someone needs money then they call the Bank of Indiana.

The other target of derision in our family is my niece. She is the only one who treats me with love and respect. She is the only one I know for sure loves me back. We have been through hell together the last few years with failed marriages, being left penniless, trying to keep our heads above water and sometimes feeling that we are just treading water and wondering how long we can keep it up because we are getting so tired.

The thing that really gets me the most is the fact that because I am a liberal Democrat and they are Conservative Republicans I am not considered a “patriot.” I don’t “love my country” and I am “delusional” because I support our President Barak Obama. Maybe because I have worked in health care for the last ten years and have been a part of the struggle to try and get help for poor people in a conservative world I really understand what these people have had to go through with conservative politics barring their way towards help. I have learned to care. I helped elect a man who cares.

I think it is time that Barak Obama said to the conservatives, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more.” Then he and the Democrat controlled Congress need to get to work on helping the people who are hurting the most. The conservatives have shown through eight years of neglect that they don’t care for the common man. “Compassionate conservatism” is nothing but a lie. My own family proved that to me.