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Today is officially designated as Memorial Day. It is a day when we remember our dead. It is also a day for the living. As an artist I try and do a picture each year to commemorate the day. Sometimes the picture comes easily but sometimes I struggle. With this picture I had an image in mind and then had to struggle to tell the computer what I wanted it to do. In the end we compromised and the computer and I came up with “Remembering Today.”
Have you ever tried to tell a computer what a rainbow is? The best you can do is say it is a point on the x, y & z axis’s at and go from there. You and I can look up at a rainbow and see the colors and hope after a storm. This rainbow has a special meaning. The computer is more literally minded.
Starting at the top of the rainbow is James Francis Wilson, he was my Dad’s father. He died when my Dad was 23. I never had a chance to know him but through my Dad I came to appreciate the things he passed on. Dad was very mechanically inclined and he inherited that from his Dad. My Dad adored him and that makes him a special person to me. It is eerie how much he and my Dad looked alike. According to my Aunt Hazel sometimes you had to look twice when one of them came into the room in order to tell who was who. They looked and sounded exactly alike. He liked sports and Dad was a sport’s nut. He and my Dad shared a love of baseball and softball. Being an only daughter was no barrier in my Dad passing that love onto me and tomboy that I am I loved playing catch with him.
Next down is a woman called Gertrude Tiffany Wilson. She was my Dad’s mother. She died when he was six. His memories of her were those of a child who loved his mother very much. I would have loved to have known this woman. She played a French horn in a circus band. She had to have been a fun and remarkable woman. The fact that my Dad missed her so intensely all his life speaks of a woman who loved and was loved.
Next down the rainbow is Jack Lloyd Wilson, my Dad. I’m remembering my Dad’s sense of humor today. When we got my Dad on the internet we told him about “handles” the name he would be known by. Only my Dad would pick “genlnuis” for a handle. I laughed and laughed when I realized it stood for “General Nuisance.” It was no wonder that Dad and I loved Monty Python. His sense of humor was very compatible with that British sense of lunacy.
The man in black and white is Hiram Hughes, my Mom’s father. I was privileged to know this man and love him. He was a tall, gentle, good humored Irishman. My mother was his “baby” and as her only daughter I was his special “baby” too. I was only eight when he died but I can remember him clearly to this day. I remember sitting on his lap and feeling the rough touch of hands that had worked so hard all his life. He believed in a honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay and he worked hard all his life. He never let anything get him down. His nickname was “Happy” and the picture you see of him is edited from a picture of him holding me on his lap. My mother mourned him all her life. I will never forget his love.
The woman is Una Mae Hensley Hughes and Mom’s mother. Talk about an opinionated, bull-headed, obstinate woman I’ll put my Grandma up against all contenders and would win. Did you know that her Dad won the Civil War single handedly on the Yankee side? The history books didn’t say anything about that? You just didn’t listen carefully to the stories my Grandma told. They broke the mold after they made her. I remember her well. I would call her up and my side of the conversation was “Hello Grandma” and after that I could read, do cross word puzzles, watch TV or anything else because that was the last word I would get in. She was such a character and I loved her dearly. She was a staunch Republican and anything that displeased her was the Democrat’s fault. Did you know that a barking dog was a Democrat? Remembering her today still makes me laugh.
The woman at the end of the rainbow is Mary Jane “Pat” Hughes Wilson, my Mom. We lost Mom on Wednesday. She died of heart failure in her bed in the home she loved. I have been struggling with the pain for days but today I am remembering her with laughter. Mom was passionate about her cat Pixie. Mom had always been a dog person and grieved over the death years ago of her dog Ruffles. As my cousin Janet and I were reminiscing the other day we never in a million years would have thought Mom could be so crazy about a cat. Pixie, however, is the prettiest, smartest, and most wonderful cat who ever lived. My Mom said so. About a week ago my Mom had to put her aloe-vera plant outside because Pixie kept digging it up and leaving it on the floor. Try not to burst out laughing when your Mom puts the cat on the counter and starts scolding her. “Look at me young lady,” my Mom said to the cat, “Dig you dig up my plant? You know better then that. How many times have I told you to leave my plants alone?” Pixie of course looked at her like she was losing her mind. Really you expect a cat to behave or do as she is told? Of course Pixie cuteted her way out of it and before the evening was over Mom was feeding her treats again. As a long time cat owner I just smiled. Mom was so very like her Mom that there was no reason to even try and explain the working of a cat’s mind. You know the” I am a cat and you are just a human” mentality? Pixie added three years to my Mom’s life so little Princess Nuisance can get away with anything she wants. She and my Dad would have gotten along very well. The General and the Princess sounds like it would make a fun book to read. Maybe I’ll write it one day.
So today is Memorial Day and even though it is a day to remember the dead and a day where some of us are dealing with a personal sadness it is also a day that brings a wealth of warm memories to me. So for the grandparents I never knew, the grandparents I did, and the parents I loved know that I’m thinking of you on this Memorial Day with love and some very happy memories and I know we will meet again. I love you and miss you but the warm memories I have will sustain me and will never fade.
The image of seeing my Mom dead in her bed, her unseeing eyes staring at the ceiling, and her mouth open as she was want to do in sleep because the congestive heart failure made it difficult to breath will forever be burned into my mind. The last day or two I have had flashbacks and keep seeing her like that. It has been terrible and frightening and leaves me physically shaking like a leaf in a wind storm. I can only imagine how Mom’s cat, Pixie, must feel. Pixie was with Mom when she died and stayed with her body until my brother came home and found her. Since Wednesday Pixie and I have had to go on a new journey together. A journey of pain held together by a bond of love between us and the blessings of the woman whose love we shared in life. This is how our journey is going.
Pixie is a very loving cat. I use to tease her that she is a little “love slut” because she will go to anyone for pets, food, affection, and most of all praise. I think my little girl knows she is beautiful and smart. She is also a little terror when it comes to my old cat, Merlin. The little minx loves to tease him and poor Merlin is paranoid enough without having to worry about this little black thing suddenly jumping out and swatting him on the rump.
Pixie’s domain has always been downstairs and Merlin rules upstairs. She stayed with Mom downstairs. Mom rarely came up because of her arthritis. Pixie would come up occasionally to eat out of the food dish up here and for me to pet her. She needed some “mommy” time. She may not have understood why “her human” decided to be grandmother instead of mommy but she accepted that I was the mommy although she didn’t really care to have to share affection with grumpy old Merlin who wouldn’t play with her on demand.
Pixie is spending much of her time upstairs now. If she hears my brother or myself up she comes running to us. Privacy to go to the bathroom? Not her she wants to be in there with you. She has found a soft place to sleep in a cupboard where we keep extra pillows and blankets. She knows how to open the door and always liked playing in the cupboard. Miss Explorer that’s our Pixie. Or nosy take your choice.
Pixie isn’t sure what happened. All she knows is the woman who held her and fed her and talked to her for three years is no longer here. Some strange people took her away and she hasn’t come back. What Pixie understands better then some family members is that her two people here are suffering too and need comfort and a voice and love to get through this. She held vigil over the body all day and she knows that her two humans here are having to face the trauma of seeing our beloved mother dead.
Pixie and I are spending a great deal of time together. She is still as affectionate as ever and she needs the reassurance that she will continue to be loved and pampered and cared for. She is sporting a new hot pink collar with rhinestone paw prints on it. In talking to Mom’s relatives they all ask how Pixie is doing. They understood Mom’s love for her.
I have been afraid to go to sleep because of nightmares and the constant seeing of Mom dead but last night I gave up and took a sleeping pill. During the morning hours I had a crazy dream but Mom was there as in life and I was showing her a new picture I had created. As she did in life when I showed her pictures in the dream she exclaimed over it and I heard her say something she had said in life so often “isn’t she beautiful.”
On my walk yesterday I was disappointed that there weren’t more flowers to photograph. I went up to the college and the plantings this year were boring at best and the flowers withering in the heat. I looked up and a cloud covered the sun and turned my camera to the sky. This picture is the result. Even with the dark clouds there was a shining sun glowing through. The picture is like my little Pixie. She is the sun in my life now. She and I are taking a hard walk together. I have always believed you can climb any mountain if you take it one step at a time. In our case we are taking it one paw at a time too.
Three years ago a little black cat with big gold eyes and a couple of little spots of white on her decided that unlike her siblings she was going to be brave and come inside this house that was attached to the garden shed where mother cat gave birth to four kittens. I was so shocked one morning when I went down for coffee and this little cat sauntered out of my Mom’s room. We vetoed Mom’s original name of Snickerdoodles and the cat came to be known as Pixie. I never expected my Mom to go nuts over a cat but Pixie was her world. Last night we lost Mom and Pixie was with her. How do you explain to a cat where her beloved human is and what happened and who this person was that loved and spoiled you?
You see Pixie the reason Mom always referred to herself as your grandmother when it was quite obvious that she was your person was that she knew you would out live her and if she kept up the façade that I was you Mommy then she felt it wouldn’t hurt you as much. Mom was like that. If there was anything she was it was a Mom. Her family was her life. She liked to spoil her children although she wouldn’t admit that was what she was doing. You know how much she loved spoiling you. She would sit in Dad’s recliner and hold you for a couple of hours even though she said she had stuff that had to be done. You were comfortable or taking a nap and didn’t want her to get up. You had her wrapped around your little paw. She fed you on demand, held you when you wanted to be held, told you what a beautiful and smart cat you were. She loved you very much.
Your grandmother didn’t have the easiest of lives. She was a Depression kid and the memories of trying to just make it thorough the day haunted her always. She worked from the time she was little trying to help with expenses. She was the youngest living child of ten. She was especially close to her Dad who was a tall, skinny, raw boned Irishman. Mom’s nickname was “Pat” because she was so proud of being Irish and her friends called her at first St. Patrick and then shortened it to Pat. Every year I made sure she had a St. Patrick’s Day card from me and in the last few years an Irish themed piece of art work to go with it.
You didn’t get to meet your “grandfather” since he passed away eleven years ago. You probably wouldn’t have spent your nights on that bed where you snuggled next to Mom. Dad was one who believed animals had their place and his bed wasn’t it. Of course he would have held you and petted you when he thought no one was looking. Dad was like that. I use to refer to him as a hairy marshmallow. He was the only man your grandmother ever loved. It is ironic that they both went the same way, sudden heart attacks. At least neither one of them suffered. It for those of us living to suffer the loss now.
Your grandmother had a high school education and really was smart. She should have been able to go on to college and get a teacher’s degree. She was a wonderful teacher and did end up teaching classes at her church. She also worked as a teacher’s aide and got to teach some there too. She really loved working with children. She was always self conscious about not having gone further in school but she loved to read and went through all my mysteries. She also surprised me in the fact that she like Dean Koontz and Stephen King. I always thought those would be too gory for her. Your grandmother was full of surprises.
I know she talked to you when we were gone. Did she ever tell you how she met her husband? It was a funny story. She had been going with this guy and although they had decided to be just friends he still carried her picture. He showed it to my Dad one day and Dad asked for her address. They started writing and he went to see her for the first time on an Army leave. This was during the second world war. Your grandmother was working at the soda fountain at the drug store and was so nervous that when she met your grandfather she dropped the hot fudge sundae she was holding on his lap. They eloped when she was seventeen to St. Louis. They found a minister who was cleaning out a furnace and a couple of witnesses. Mom had never been to a big city before and stepped off a curb and sprained her ankle because she was “gawking” at the skyscrapers. Dad was her only love and when we buried him in May of 2009 we buried part of her heart with him. She has always missed him and that sorrow you felt around her sometimes were the times she was remembering him. She always talked about joining him and now she has.
So what now little Pixie? I’m asking myself the same thing. I moved out here six years ago at her request to help take care of her because her heart was going. It was a tough job believe you me because your grandmother was the most stubborn woman who ever lived. Somehow they forget to tell you that being a caretaker is the hardest job in the world. It is the emotional toll that will get to you. The day to day things aren’t that bad. She was never bed ridden although the last few months she was sick with sinus infections so much that she spent a lot of time in bed. You find that there are things that you can do that will make her happy. Remember how she would always show you the art work I did or the photographs that I had taken? She even replaced my art computer when it died with a state of the art machine that was built just for me. She knew how important my art was to me and she wanted to see the art I would be making.
So now little Pixie we have to try and go on living without her. I know I work all day and can’t hold you on demand for hours like you are use to but you will get cuddle time with me. You can sleep with me although with Merlin taking up half the bed it will be a tight squeeze. I didn’t expect him to be 17 ½ pounds or so cotton picking big. We go on and tell people that yes being a caretaker is the hardest and the most rewarding job in the world. She lived longer then we thought she would considering her heart but I think the last three years we can attribute to you. You brought her so much joy and love.
One of the major loves of my life has always been art. My second grade teacher on my report card put a note to my parents to “take a look at her art work!” For much of my life my favorite mediums were pen and ink and acrylic paints. My art styles went from the intricate etchings of the dahlia to the geometric abstracts of “The City in A Minor.” Life, however, has a way of interfering in the joys you experience. In my case the family curse of arthritis hit early in life. Finally I was forced to admit that it wasn’t going to be possible for me to hold the ink pens or brushes for the hours that it took to get the work to where I wanted it to be.
In the throes of a failing marriage my ex suggested I try the art on the computer. I was reluctant at this point because the programs were still in the primitive state. After five years of put downs my confidence ways at it lowest ebb but I was still curious to see if I could try this new medium. My first excursions were with the space theme of my beloved astronomy. I was in the San Francisco Bay Area at the time and my friend Colleen suggested I bring some examples of my art work to the Baycon science fiction convention. She forced me to go over to the head of the Artist’s Colony, professional artist and cartoonist, Dann Lopez. I was scared to death to have this professional look at my art but his first words gave me back my confidence. He told me “I want you in my next Artist’s Colony.” From that point on he became my mentor and being able to actually sell my art work gave me the thrill of a life time. Dann told the Artist Guest of Honor at his convention a couple of years later, Frank Lurz, that he wanted him to look at my art. Frank was really tired and told me to hurry and get the art. I ran to my room and snatched up my art portfolio and got back as quickly as I could. I don’t think I remembered to breath as I watched his face as he flipped through my work. I could see the fatigue leaving his face and he finally looked up and gave me a smile. He told me, “Your work is deceptively simple but as I look at it I can see the layers of depth in it. It is fantastic.” I was practically in tears when I told Dann who gave me big hug. He knew that one of my favorite artists would like my work.
I started out using Bryce 2.0, Painter 5.5, and Poser 3.0. Poser had my human and animal figures, Bryce was the workhorse that did all the backgrounds, and Painter was my special effects and touch up medium. I was able to get 3D mesh models of buildings and other decorations on line. I am currently still using the Painter 5.5 because the newer versions are out of my price range and a couple of the old special effects are missing from the newer model. My Bryce is up to the 6.1 and Poser is at 6.0. I find that I am not using Poser much at all since I discovered DAZ for the people and animals. DAZ also has the luxury of constantly updating and their main characters are free. I can now do children of all ages. There is a wealth of costumes and hair styles to go with the figures. The animals are getting more and more realistic and I can pose them in so many ways. Turbo Squid and 3Dvia are my main source for other models now. Some of them are free and some you pay for.
My first stop is usually DAZ if there are going to be people or animals in the picture. In the above updated picture the model is DAZ’s Victoria. I’ll pull Vicki into the grid. I’ll then put on one of the hair styles I want for her. In poses and materials I’ll choose the hair color or one of the variations in styles for the hair. I’ll then decide what she is going to wear and let me tell you this little lady is a clothes horse. I am constantly finding new styles and patterns for her clothes as my checkbook shows in the purchases to DAZ. I finally ended up just subscribing to DAZ for a monthly fee so that I could take advantage of the low prices for Premium members. The clothes pieces go on separately and like the hair I will go to the textures and materials and decide which color and patterns I want for her. One of the quirks of DAZ is that everything from hair to clothes has to be “linked” to the model in order for them to fit. Once the hair and clothes are on I will go to the poses and decide how the model will look. There are some set poses that I use as a starting point. You can go to the sidebar and adjust every part of the body to refine the poses. I also found that with the dresses you have to adjust them to fit to the poses. DAZ for some reason doesn’t think it is necessary for all the clothes to match the poses. I then save the finished work as a DAZ scene in case I want to rework the model later on. I then export the object as an OBJ model so that I can pull it into Bryce. The animal models are worked the same way. I have to admit that the Chinese Dragon is my current favorite and they have some great color schemes and poses for him.
The next place I go is Bryce. Bryce has really improved since that first version I used. I think the biggest improvement has been the different sky textures and the trees. The original trees were primitive at best. Now you can pick the style of tree, the leaves, the scale of the leaves, the number of leaves, the trunk and branch sizes, where the branches start and end and the number of segments you have for the branches. You can create a tree that looks very real. They also have Boolean objects that you can put together and create new shapes and buildings. The cool feature of this is that you can make one piece positive and the other negative and when you group them together the negative object will carve into the positive object. You also have terrains to create your land masses. These objects can be edited to smooth, rough up, carve, erode, etc. You can literally create the kind of land you want and apply different textures to it. You have a water plane and cloud plane available to use also. The skies are still the main problem in Bryce. The sun can be turned so that it can shine from up, down, left or right but it still can’t be moved from the back of the picture position. It is still stuck in the back. Fortunately you have the movable light sources that can be used to fill in the foreground features so that you can see the details. But the sky does have some fun aspects. You can change the color of the sun and clouds. You can alter the way the clouds look. You can add as many or few stars as you want. You can add the moon in the night time sky.
In the above two pictures you can see the changes that were made in both DAZ and Bryce. The one thing I love about computer art is that as things improve I can go back and change my pictures to take advantage of the changes. The lady has changed from the Poser model to the DAZ model. I had so many new hair styles and clothes to choose from on DAZ. I also had new models for cats and horses so I decided to incorporate them into my new picture. I discovered some tutorials on line from a British Bryce artist, Peter Sharpe, who showed me how to do the lakes and rivers. He also has tutorial of planets and rings, waterfalls, waves, craters, galactic backgrounds, etc. Peter, like many artists in the computer field, freely shares what he has learned and in the process has taught a lot of artists. I am very grateful to these artists for their willingness to teach.
On the original lake I had just used the oval and placed it on the ground with a water texture. In the new picture I used the technique of making the ground positive and doing a lattice that intersects the ground. You use the same texture on both but the lattice is made negative. The water plane is below the ground level but the negative lattice creates the “hole” that lets the water show through as a lake. By adjusting the size and shape of the lattice you can create a lake or a river.
The trick on the planet is the attribute box. I pull the planet way out so that it actually goes behind the cloud plane on the sky texture. That way the planet is behind the rainbow texture. I have used in other pictures the cloud plane that goes in front of a planet. The atmospheric textures can add some wonderful effects when I am doing pictures based on another planet or in my space pictures. The atmospherics can also be added to terrains that I put in the water to make waves.
One of the other techniques that Bryce has is making planes or objects either surface or volumetric. These show up most readily on my space pictures with the planets. The surface texture just goes outside of the object. Volumetric goes through the whole object and can be made fuzzy for gas planets. It will also make the water or clouds thicker or thinner depending on the tweaks you do to the levels.
A trick I use frequently is matching the x, y, z points together to get objects where I need them to be. For example in the above picture I needed light on Vickie’s face and I started the light source the same place she was and moved it until the light hit her face properly. I also used the attribute box to put the cat and Vickie on the boardwalk. I’ve used it to put objects in the models hand or flames in the dragon’s mouth.
It seems like daily that there are new products and models out there for the graphic artist. It has been a blessing for me that computer art work has come into existence at the time that arthritis took away my ability to do the type of art work that I had been doing since early childhood. I think my life would be very sad now if I didn’t have my art. Art has always been my solace in times of trouble. It is a joy for me to be able to create. For me art is made to be shared and I love the feedback from people who have looked at my art and loved it. I owe a great deal to my mentor Dann Lopez for taking someone who had lost her confidence and giving it back and allowing me to grow as an artist and a person. Thanks Dann. You can find my art on my website at http://artbymichelewilson.com/art.htm
When we are children we take for granted that our mothers will take care of us. That is their job. That is what our expectations for them is all about. Mothers are supposed to be the caregivers. What we don’t realize is that when we grow up that those roles will be reversed. As part of the Baby Boomer generation I am now faced with the job of care giver for my Mom. It gives you a whole new perspective into what they faced as mothers.
Today is officially designated as Memorial Day. It is a day when we remember our dead. It is also a day for the living. As an artist I try and do a picture each year to commemorate the day. Sometimes the picture comes easily but sometimes I struggle. With this picture I had an image in mind and then had to struggle to tell the computer what I wanted it to do. In the end we compromised and the computer and I came up with “Remembering Today.” 
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