Don't Break My Heart

"The enemy teaches you inner strength." Dalai Lama

I was sound asleep at midnight when my mother came into my room in a panic. It seems that little Pixie zipped out the door when she returned home from work and Mom couldn't get her to come back in. Mom was practically in tears. All's well that ends well because I heard the little jingle bell on her collar and got her out of the bushes. Mom was so afraid that the little cat would be outside in the cold all night and get pneumonia.

When poets and song writers are in their gushing mode about love and how wonderful it is they ignore the other side of love. Sometimes it hurts. Then again the torch song writers do dwell on that aspect of love.

Love is dichotomy where on the one hand it is wonderful and on the other it is painful. I loved my Dad very much but when he died it was because I loved him so much that it was so painful. I love my mother but seeing her so frail it hurts. I've loved all the cats that have entered my life but I cried when they died. I loved my ex when we met and that made the pain of the marriage disintegrating all the more painful.

Is it better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all? Of course it is. If you are afraid to open yourself up to love then you are chancing losing the greatest happiness you will ever know. I remember having this conversation with my niece when she was dating the man she eventually married. She had loved her first husband and was afraid to trust herself to fall in love again. My advice to her was to allow yourself to love again. I'm glad she did because she is gloriously happy and I got to create a Princess Bride wedding dress for her big day.

Am I taking my own advice? Slowly I guess would have to be the answer. I am cautious but I think in my heart that I could trust myself to fall in love again. I am checking out Match.com but so far I haven't found the right person but then again I haven't  had the time to really explore the profiles up there.

Coming back to Pixie she is still a kitten and doesn't understand that she is now an indoor cat. It would break my mother's heart to lose her now that she has fallen in love with the little scamp. I would have been crawling through the bushes for hours if necessary to find her and reunite her with mother because I love mom and want her happy. Mom wouldn't have been able to sleep a wink last night if Pixie hadn't been found and reunited with her. Of course the kitten would have come back on her own in the morning but it was worth losing a little sleep to make it happen earlier.