Juggling Fire

One thing they never bother to explain about being a caregiver is the burn out factor. No one tells you that you will be rushing downstairs at 2:30 in the morning to check and make sure that your mother is all right. No one tells you that you are going to feel like shoving your fist through a wall in frustration when she has another heart attack and there is nothing you can do to stop the pain she is in. There is nothing you can do to give her some energy so she feels like doing something other then just sleeping and she is frustrated. Most of all no one tells you that you are doing this alone with no support. No one tells you that you are going to be working full time and trying to help keep up a huge old house that is falling apart and try and get all of two people’s shopping done and try to keep a very stubborn woman from overdoing things again and try to provide the comfort and sympathy she needs because there is no one else to listen to her. No one gives you the magic answer to say when she says she misses your Dad and wants to be with him and he had been dead for ten years. No one tells you how to cope with a small town whose only interest in life is to gossip and tear everyone else down. There is no support anywhere to go to. I am use to big cities and the ability to take off and shop and maybe see a movie or eat somewhere other then a fast food joint or spend an evening with a friend. No one tells you that this little clique community has no interest in letting outsiders in let alone let you be friends or help you out. I am tired and stressed and burned out and hurting and don’t know where to go or do. All I know is I have to stay here for my Mom. I’m all she has here to handle the day to day of keeping her alive. I just pray that the health care reform has something in there to help the helpers. We need all the help we can get.