Sympathy for the Devil

“Time is not a line, but a series of now points.” Taisen Deshimaru

 

I was reading how Paramount has dropped their deal with Tom Cruise because of his recent behavior. It is reminiscent of the furor at Mel Gibson because of his anti-Semitic remarks. As science would have it for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

 

Tom Cruise is a not too bright, high school drop out, who has been brainwashed by the cult of Scientology. He thinks it is a valid religion however the founder was a second rate science fiction writer who made a drunken bet with some other science fiction writers that he could create a religion and get a tax break at the same time. It is a figment of L. Ron Hubbard’s imagination. None of it is real. It is a delusion.

 

How much is Tom Cruise responsible for his actions when he is spouting off his Scientology teachings? Do you feel sorry for him because he is being punished for his beliefs or do you want to shake him and say you have a brain use it? The truth is out there and nothing is stopping him from learning outside of Scientology. In a way I feel sorry for him but in a way I feel he has created his own problems.

 

Mel Gibson is the product of a hate filled home. His father denies the existence of the Holocaust. He is an intelligent man however and he should be able to overcome the prejudices of his childhood. Again I have some sympathy for him but he has made his own problems.

 

My ex has been told all his adult life he has deep seated problems and needs medication and long term therapy. He chooses to believe he is all right and the rest of the world is nuts and has the problems. For him I have little sympathy because he knows the truth and refuses to believe it. He is wrapped in his delusions and refuses to get the help that would make his life easier.

 

Sympathy is a very difficult thing. You want to feel the compassion that you should towards your fellow man but at the same time you know that there are consequences that arise because of one’s behavior. I guess the best you can do is hope that the people involved understand the wake up calls being thrown at them and do something about the real problems.

 

A Little of This, A Little of That

"To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest." Mahatma Gandhi

"No man can purify another man." Buddha

As the effects of the illness linger I find myself fighting depression. I'm tired of dragging myself to a stressful job and then having no energy at home to do anything other then sleep. I want my energy back! My voice is giving out again which is what started the whole problem the first time.

One of the people at work noticed that my temper is starting to fray and we talked for about an half hour. She wants to see what she can do to help out now. I think it is finally dawning on people that I can only be pushed so far and that they are going to need to do something about the insanity.

I'm still mentally struggling with what I want to do and have felt very out of sorts for weeks now. I know the continued illness is having a detrimental effect on my emotional well being and I probably will have to go back on antidepressants until I recover my health completely. I don't like feeling blue and on the edge of tears all the time. I need to get hold of the depression before it takes hold of me.

The mama cat and kittens bolstered my mood this morning. I need to get hold of someone so that we can officially get the two we are keeping as indoor cats and one of the kittens a good home with a friend and mama and the other kitten a good home also.

For the next few weeks though I'm going to need to be selfish and think about myself. I need to get well and feel like I can do something again. I'm not any use to others at the moment. I have spent my whole life taking care of others and at the moment I need to take care of me. Once I have my physical and emotional life back in balance I can then focus on others. Right now Mom, myself and the cats are it. My focus, my life.

The picture is called "Singing the Blues."

 

Relief

I saw my doctor yesterday and had a burden lifted from my shoulders. I had him explain all the blood tests scores and the things that had me concerned were the results of the massive infection I was fighting. The most reassuring words were that I am not in a prediabetic state. He explained the scores and that the standards had been lowered to show more people in that state but that it isn't a reliable indicator unless the fasting tests are done. I just feel so relieved. It has given me the impetus though to make some changes in my diet to make sure that I am eating healthier. I have a tendency to go for junk food more often then I should.

So far the peace I felt when I saw the butterfly the other day has continued to hold. Our chaplain at the hospital brought me in a wooden candle holder with a white candle and two butterfly ornaments on it. It was such a wonderfully sweet gesture on his part. He had come into the emergency room when I was struck down with that horrible flu and prayed with my mother and me. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met and he is definitely one of those quiet people who make the world a better place to be.

The weather is going to be on the soggy side this weekend but we still plan on seeing my Aunt. She is another of those people who makes the world a better place to be. My brother will be doing the driving. The one downside of the doctor's visit is finding out that I am still facing at least five to six weeks before the effects of this health battle subside and I see my strength return to full. I plan to write and do art while I'm waiting to get back to full strength.

Last night was a evening of laughter for me. The Stargate SG1 200th episode was everything a geek like me could ask for and the special proceeding it was also a hoot. It is the first time in quite awhile that had me laughing out loud for extended periods of time. I discovered that another lady at work is also a huge sci-fi fan and knowing she was laughing along with me from her home made it even more fun. I can't wait until Monday to talk to her about it.

The picture is called “Lost World” and is one of my Stargate pictures. Thanks for the laughter last night. I really needed it.

 

End of the Week

"He who thinks to reach God by running away from the world, when and where does he expect to meet him? ... We are reaching him here in this very spot, now at this very moment." Rabindranath Tigore

"The sole concern of learning is to seek one's original heart." Mencius

The weekend is finally arriving with a couple of pretty heavy quotes from my Oriental Wisdom calendar. It fits the mood I'm in. I'm seeing my doctor today for a follow-up and I'm asking him about the blood test scores that show prediabetes. I've learned that you have to ask him or he won't really give the answers you need.

In life you need to ask questions to get answers also. I guess the ultimate question has always been what is the purpose of my life? It is interesting to see how some people answer that questions by behavior in their lives. For some celebrities I guess the answer is party on. For some people it is to grouse about life and complain and make as many people miserable as possible. For some it is to help others.

In searching for the meaning of life mankind has also searched for a higher being and an inordinate amount of words have been spent trying to prove or disprove god's existence. I feel comfortable in my belief there is a God and s/he is with us always. I don't need to search on lonely mountain tops. S/he is a real presence. The original heart in the second quote is a search for a relationship with God that each individual takes. Whether they embrace him/her at the end of the search is up to the individual. You can not force belief on anyone.

The weekend brings my Sci-Fi night back and tonight should be fun on one show and kind of scary on the other. Stargate SG1 marks its 200th episode with what looks like to be a geek's gift of sci-fi references. I'm going to see how many I can count. Stargate Atlantis looks to be a real serious fight to regain a mind disturbed.

I was looking for new 3D models the other evening and came up with the one for Anubis from Egyptian mythology and decided that a Stargate tribute picture was in order.

 

Hmmmmm

"To set up what you like against what you don't like - this is the disease of the mind." Sengstan

This may be a little more Zen then my sleep deprived mind can cope with this morning. I'm pouring the caffeine down as fast as I can. A couple more days on the medicines and hopefully my sleep pattern can reassert itself as I'm not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box on only a couple hours of sleep which is what I'm managing at the moment.

Upon looking at my quote for the day I can see through the fog a meaning. I think many of us unwittingly set up conflicts in our life. We feel we "must" do certain things even though we don't like them. A lot of this would do with setting unreasonable plans for ourselves. People choose a profession that they can make money at but something they absolutely hate. If the ultimate goal is "I'll make a pile of money and then get out and enjoy myself" by the time that money is made you are so shriveled inside that you no longer have the capacity to really enjoy anything. If a job that made less money but provided an enormous amount of job satisfaction had been pursued instead then your life would have had happiness all along.

I am one of those people who really don't need the biggest and best and newest all the time. I don't find my happiness in the material things. I enjoy the things I have but I will stay with the older things that have served me well rather then getting something new just for the sake of it being new. I love music but my system is a small little thing that fits in the space I have to put it in. For me though it is the music itself that is the joy.

Life is too short to be setting up conflicts for yourself. I feel life is best lived when you understand what it is that makes you happy on the inside. Do something you love with your life. You know the old saying "money can't buy happiness."

The picture is called "The Door To Your Dreams."

More Changes

"By your stumbling, the world is perfected." Sri Aurobindo

I made the effort to get hold of the test results for various procedures that have been done the last couple years at my local hospital because my doctor just doesn't tell me enough. It basically confirmed what I knew about the arthritis that it is getting worse and pretty much in most of the body. There isn't a whole lot you can do about osteoarthritis other then what I'm doing now anti-inflammatory medicine when it is real bad, keeping my weight down, moderate exercise, calling Arthur nasty names when he flares up. I knew I had a hiatal hernia but they have finally found a medicine that keeps it and the GERD under control. I've always liked the color purple.

The one that has me shook however is the last blood tests from that horrible flu I had. The glucose level is showing prediabetic. I have one brother who is full fledged diabetic and an Aunt who became diabetic after medicines she was put on triggered it. This weekend strength permitting I need to get into my storage shed and find the diabetic cookbook I created a couple of years ago for friends who were diabetic. I want to get this under control via diet so God willing it won't develop into full fledge diabetes. I have started making some changes is diet already and my morning coffee (or do you want any coffee in your cream and sugar Dad would ask) is now sweetened with Splenda and the Coffeemate that is made with Splenda. That way I can enjoy my coffee without all the high sugar.

As my quote for the day on my Oriental Calendar indicates I'm stumbling around to find a solution to the problems of my health. I'm not one to let things get me real down any more. Once I affirmed to myself that I have the final control over my life I see things not as set backs but as a challenge to overcome. Besides I need to make sure I have my energy up because mother has decided that two of the four kittens will be in residence and with three cats this place is going to be hoping and I know who is going to end up taking care of the critters.

The picture is called "The Door" and is from my Prisoner series but for me it illustrates where my head is at today. I have challenges ahead of me and I can either stand in fear of what is on the other side of the door or I can realize there are no walls and I am free to make choices that will be the best for me. In one of my short stories a character said, "Wisdom understands real fear. Ignorance ignores real fear. Courage overcomes real fear. Cowardice gives into imaginary fears." I know I am scared about this latest health thing but I am determined to overcome it.

 

Changes

We have some changes coming through in our lives. My younger brother got his disability so he will be able to live where he is at. This is a huge burden off of my mother. She has been so worried about him.

It looks like we are going to be getting two kittens instead of one. Mother has decided that we need to adopt the little gray one and the little black one with the white spot who is a real rascal. I'll check with the local SPCA tomorrow about how to go about getting good homes for Momma cat and one other kitten. A lady at work wants the third of the four kittens. I can see if now I'm going to end up being shoved off the bed by three cats. Sigh.

I am slowly starting to see a regain in strength. I still have a ways to go before I'm completely well but for the first time today I haven't felt totally wiped out. That is a good thing.

I still feel at odds at the moment. It is sort of like that feeling before a thunderstorm hits. It feels like a big change is coming into my life but I can't imagine what it is. I guess the only thing to do is try patience which isn't necessarily one of my strongest virtues. Not very Zen I know.

The picture is called "Perchance to Dream."