Small Things

On Wednesday of last week we laid my Mom to rest burying her ashes on Dad’s grave. It was hard to comprehend that the small urn was all that was left of Mother’s mortal remains. Mom wasn’t that big. When she died she was only 94 pounds. It has been an emotional roller coaster this last week and a half for me. I find myself in frequent tears. I have been reflecting on little things since then.

At 8½ pounds Pixie is probably a normal to medium size cat. Compared to Merlin who is 17½ pounds she is little. What isn’t surprising is that for someone that little she is big when it comes to her need for affection and the love that she returns. Pixie has been all over me since Mom died. She has decided that my brother is good for feeding her the deli meat treats but I am supposed to continue to give her the love and affection that Mom gave her. She always came to greet me when Mom was alive unless of course she was curled up on Mom’s lap. Lap time was sacred. For the first time she has gone back into Mom’s bedroom. I went in for the first time in a couple of weeks to get the jewelry and get it sorted out. Pixie joined me and then came upstairs to “help.” It was healing for both of us to go back into the room where Mom died.

For many people a computer is no big thing. We are so used to working on computers that we take them for granted either that or if you have a garbage system like we have at work you call them every name in the book. When my art/internet computer died my Mom insisted on buying me a new computer. We had our tech at work build a system for me that was geared to my needs. The system itself isn’t large but the speed and computing power makes it a huge machine for me. It was a wonderful gift from my Mom and every time I use it I say a silent thank you to her. For Mom it wasn’t a big deal. She had paid for two computers for my brother and insisted that she could buy me one too. Of course the first major work out for the new machine was the two dozen Easter cards that I made for her. So something that was a little thing for Mom is a big thing for me.

When I first got my Merlin he was four weeks old and fit in the palm of my hand. I didn’t expect him to get this big. Of course in his eyes he is still the tiny little kitten that I first brought home. For something that started out that little he certainly has brought a lot of joy into my life. He has a definite personality and is the biggest Mama’s boy you have ever seen. My little fluff ball is a big bundle of love.

I like taking pictures especially pictures of flowers and nature. For me walking for an hour or so taking pictures is no big thing. I get my exercise and have fun with my digital camera at the same time. For my Mom and my Aunt however the pictures were received with a huge amount of joy. Both of them love flowers and looked forward to seeing the pictures. My Mom would occasionally note that something was coming into bloom and would ask if I could get some pictures for her. It isn’t hard for me to take pictures and tweak them in Photoshop and print them out on my computer. So something that is a little thing for me brought a lot of joy to my Mom. I’m going out this weekend and take pictures of the golden lilies that are now blooming. We plan on going up to see my Aunt Bird soon and I will take the pictures to her. She is my Mom’s only living sibling now and I cherish her and she loves my photographs so I will continue to take pictures for her. I took the cloud picture a couple days after Mom died. It has been a symbol of love and hope for me because I believe at that moment my Mom was trying to tell me that she was okay and happy.

As the saying goes good things come in small packages. It is the little things that I am remembering about my Mom. I am daily reminded of her as I give love to her little Pixie. Pixie and Merlin continue to give me love back. As a Hawaiian friend of mine would say it ain’t no big thing.