TGIF

We have finally made it to the weekend. I'll know shortly if my boss got the raise in to payroll in time. I sure hope so I need to replenish my savings account.

The two cats are finally starting to tolerate each other. Merlin still isn't happy but he and Pixie are at least starting to sniff each other and aren't hissing quite as much as they were. Little Pixie is turning out to be quite fearless. She ignores the fact that Merlin is 15 1/2 pounds to her 2 and stands up to him. This makes Merlin back away.

Pixie is a good example of why size doesn't matter. She is fully capable, as small as she is, of taking care of herself. She also shows that bullies if confronted will back down. Bullies prey on those who are smaller and weaker then themselves. A bully really is a coward at heart. A bully wants to be important and dominate however by their very nature they are weak. A true leader does not need to assert his/her rights and influence by bullying those who are smaller and weaker then themselves. A true leader is one who strives to better the existence of those who are smaller and weaker and in doing so helps them to be stronger.

In life I am drawn to people who use their strength to help others. People like Mother Theresa, who was a very tiny woman physically, leave enormous footsteps to follow in. She helped those who were scorned by society. She was there for the poor and the helpless. I admire celebrities who will use their notoriety to call our attention to those who need our help. Brad Pitt reminds us that there is still a great deal of work to do in New Orleans. George Clooney reminds us that we must stop the genocide in Darfur. Bono reminds us that there is still dire poverty in many parts of the world. While those of us in ordinary life may not be able to reach the audience that a celebrity does we can still reach out and help others.

At the end of this day I'll kick back and relax. The Sci-Fi channel is starting the second season of Doctor Who tonight and I'll be watching. Like last week I'll probably have a kitten on my lap and a large cat wrapped around my ankles. I'll consider my day well spent if I have been able to help someone find help with their hospital bills.

The picture is called "Catmosphere" and I'll have to update it to put Pixie in the picture.

 

Masquerade

I was looking at the bottles of stuff my older brother has bought for his face. He has 30 bottles in the medicine cabinet alone and who knows how much more stuff in the cupboard. He is obsessed in trying to look young. I have 3 bottles of face cream, one for nighttime, one for day and a collagen filler for around the eyes.

I do take care of how I look especially if I'm going to be out in public. I love clothes and I always try to be neat and presentable. I use makeup but try to use a light hand with it. I have very fair skin and if I don't use some makeup I look washed out. I try to emphasize my eyes which are my best feature. Thanks Dad.

I was thinking about the 30 bottles of various expensive creams and how society keeps emphasizing looking young. In other cultures the elderly are looked on with a great deal of respect. They have the wisdom that only age and living can bring. Here in America we seem to push our elderly aside and fight time with all the money at our disposal.

In the pursuit of youth many people turn to plastic surgery and some end up looking like they are wearing masks. Cher comes to mind. She is a naturally beautiful woman but her face looks unreal now. I think we all wear masks to some extent when we deal with the public. We look and act in certain ways that will be accepted in our workplace. I know I do. The Patient Accounts Representative and the real me are two entirely separate people.

With real life we have to perform in a way that is acceptable to the norm if we want to succeed in our jobs. There are certain standards that we are expected to adhere to when we are in public. We look, act, dress and behave in a manner that is socially acceptable. To an extent that is a good thing. We need people to behave in a civil manner in order to prevent strife and problems in interacting with others.

There is another person however inside that also needs to be expressed. When I return home from work I change from my fancy work clothes into my jeans and t-shirts and kick back and relax. Evening is the time that I let the artist out and create. The artist in me has much more freedom then the work day person. I don't have the social constraints that I have at work. I can munch on snacks and allow my imagination to go wild as I work on my pictures. Sometimes I go into writer mold and I can populate the world I created with elves, unicorns, and dragons. I will go on line and chat with friends. I am not limited to the "rules" that guide my daylight hours.

Some day I hope that the artist will be able to support the daytime person and I can drop the mask I wear. I hope the prim and proper business woman will be able to give over to the free spirited artist. The picture is called "Masquerade."

 

 

Respect

It is Wednesday and we are officially half way through the week. I'm anxiously awaiting Friday to see if my boss actually put through my raises and I get the back pay owed to me. If you hear an explosion from the Midwest come Friday morning you will know she didn't get around to it.

I'm beginning to feel I'm in the middle of a kitty war zone. Merlin keeps hissing and spitting at Pixie and Pixie is hissing and spitting back and both want my undivided attention. Sigh. Big sigh. I keep hoping that the two of them will at least learn to coexist in the same house. I'm not holding out much hope that they will be friends.

Speaking of peace there were some excellent suggestions in the government report on how to diffuse the Middle East threats. Why aren't we approaching some of the Muslim religious leaders who can moderate the inflammatory rantings of the extremists? If we could get people that can be respected on the side of peace we would have a chance of ending the conflicts.

It comes down to the word respect. I think the current situation of portraying all Muslims as extremists who want to kill all non-Muslims is hurting our chances of getting the more moderate of the Muslim leaders to step in and try and diffuse the situation. We need to start showing respect for the Muslim religion and start differentiating between terrorists who are using their religion as an excuse to commit violence and the religion itself.

I think one of the most important things about the late Pope John Paul II is that he was able to show respect and tolerance for many religions and peoples of diverse ethnic backgrounds. He reached out to the Jewish people to try and build bridges. He reached out to Protestants to try and build bridges. He reached out to governments to try and build bridges.

Right now we need to try and reach out to the Muslim leaders who can win the hearts of their people and show them we do have respect for them and their religion. Violence begets violence. We have the start showing more respect for those not like us if we want to establish peace. We need to show respect.

 

Mars and Beyond

Okay so the face on Mars isn't really a face. It is still fascinating however. I wish that we had continued with our space exploration to the point where humans could walk on Mars. I would have volunteered to go as I have always been fascinated by that planet. I have an autographed copy of Ray Bradbury's "Martian Chronicles" after all.

It would be nice if governments would spend as much money on scientific research as they do on conflicts. I believe if governments would focus more on helping this planet through science then many of the conflicts we see in the world now would disappear. The latest reports that show we are more vulnerable to terrorist attacks now then we were before 9/11 should show politicians that we need to rethink our strategy. War isn't making us safe. What do we need to do?

I think the latest anger shown by Muslims over the Pope's remarks are a sign that we need to stop and take a good look at how we perceive people. I think the fact that the media and entertainment industry are using Middle Eastern villains the way that in earlier times we used all Germans as Nazis or all Japanese as kamikaze warriors is a contributing factor in Muslim anger. We are stereotyping a whole group of people and making no attempt to find out what the majority of people really believe. Yes there are Muslim extremists however we have our extremists too. Does anyone think those blonde twin singers going around with a caricature of Hitler as a good guy are not extremists?

The way to peace is through dialogue with those who are opposed to each other. Neither side can win militarily any more. War is not played by Robert's Rule of Order and hasn't been played by rules since the American Revolution showed the then world power that small guerilla attacks can win a war.

Where I live we are starting to see the turn of the color of the leaves. Summer is ending and we are heading into winter. While it is a beautiful sight to see those fall colors it is also a harbinger of the winter to come. It is to be devoutly wished that the governments of the world can get together and find a true solution to the world's conflicts that would allow all men to live in dignity. War isn't working how about giving the concept of peace a chance.

The picture is called "Mars Colony."

 

Never Say Never Again

Remember when Sean Connery said he would never play James Bond again? Of course a couple years later he was making "Never Say Never Again." We now come to current times and my mother saying she doesn't want a pet and will never get a cat, etc. So what happened?

About 2 1/2 months ago this black cat decides our storage shed outside would be a great place to have her four kittens, three black and one gray. Mom decides that we really need to feed momma cat since she has these four little kittens and momma is such a skinny little thing. The four kittens grow and one of them, a little black one with a white spot on her throat turns out to be the most friendly of the bunch.

Low and behold one day I come in and there is a little kitten in the house. She happened to come in when Mom opened the door to feed them. Of course by now Mom is feeding the whole brood. The kitten goes out for the evening and next day guess what? Yep, she is in the house again this time for a longer period of time. A couple of days later I get up to get my morning coffee and see the kitten. Mom has let her stay in all night. Where does the little creature sleep you ask? She sleeps on Mom's bed.

So now we have come from "I will never have a cat as a pet" to "isn't she just the sweetest little thing you have ever seen." So there you have it my Mom and James Bond have something in common. Ah yes a pixie is "a fairylike or elfin creature, especially one that is mischievous; a playful sprite." In other words a little black kitten with white spots on her throat, chest and tummy who has wrapped Mom around her little paw.

 

Random Thoughts

I got a great new CD today. I am a long time Elton John fan and I love his newest CD. He hasn't lost a thing in the over 30 years of great music and he and Bernie Taupin have proved again that they are the best song writing duo around. Period.

My brother Jerry has again invited my views on a subject this time in his blog http://goldfishandclowns.blogspot.com/. I have always believed in the feminist cause. I don't want to be judged by my sex but by what I have accomplished in this life. I don't want to be held back because I am woman but at the same time I reserve the right to act and dress like a lady without being criticized for it. Yes I have had people comment on my looks all my life but I have found that people get past the looks and discover the real me and that is what counts. You can't tell me people don't look at Brad Pitt and George Clooney and have the first impression of "hey they are gorgeous." Once you get past the looks though you realize that we do need to do more about rebuilding New Orleans and stopping the genocide in Dafur. People are more likely to listen if you present a good first impression.

One of the things that bothers my about my fellow geeks is that so many of them don't really take the time to look their best. Being a geek doesn't mean that you have to load yourself on junk food and wear t-shirts and jeans all the time. Hey I love my Marvin the Martian t-shirts and jeans but when I'm out in public I dress up. If I look my best I feel my best and that confidence affects how I present myself to others. Yes it is sexist but you take it and use it to your advantage. I am careful to keep my weight down and eat food that is good for my body. I walk a lot and will do more now that the hospital's departments have been challenged to improve their health through walking.

One of the things my boss said on my review was that people like me. I take the time to listen to people. I take the time to help others out. I take the time to care. People like me and listen to me because I make the effort to respond to them as people. You can't make a political or personal or spiritual point if you don't really care what other people feel, think, or believe. Dialogue is a two way street.

The picture is called "Autumn Leaves" and represents the start of the fall leaves turning beautiful colors here.

 

Another One Bites the Dust

Another work week comes to an end with only eight more hours to go. Its not that I'm anxious for the work week to end so I have a couple days free from the zoo.If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you. ;-)

Tonight is the season finales of both Stargate and Stargate Atlantis. These are usually real good episodes but of course they are two parters and you have to wait until next season to find out how the cliff hangers end.

I have been feeling very useful lately. I found a good car for my brother on line so we are finally rid of that bucket of bolts he was driving that kept Mom in the poor house since he never had the money saved to repair the blasted thing. I'm also teaching them how to hold kittens. Now if I can just teach Merlin to stop being a green eye jealousy monster. That last one is going to take a bit of work I think.

They are starting a new walk for wellness at the place where I work encouraging departments to exercise more by walking. I signed up because I've noticed the weight is starting to creep back on and walking is an exercise I can do. The people I work with sure could use more exercise. Indiana has more overweight people then any place else that I have lived. 3X is a standard size here and petites like me have a real hard time finding clothes. Hopefully this will spur some of these obese people to do something about their weight.

The picture is called "Anubis" and is my latest Stargate picture.

 

Overcoming

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. Let a man overcome anger by love." Buddha

One of the things I learned about myself was that even though I can get angry I have taught myself not to hold the anger in and let it fester. I have learned to let go of my anger. It helps when you finally realize that the person you are angry with couldn't care less. You are not hurting that person you are only hurting yourself.

One of the hardest thing for some people to do is forgive. I have learned to forgive. It doesn't mean that I forget what happened it just means that I learn from the experience and let go the anger and forgive the person. It causes less ulcers that way.

Stress and anger can cause serious physical problems and I have enough of those to deal with now without inflicting more problems on myself. I suppose it helps that I'm the sort that is slow to anger but push me too far and I will blow up but I quickly get over it.

I try to find things that give me pleasure when I'm upset to take my mind off my problems. I'll lose myself in a good murder mystery or in a fantasy world. I'll watch cooking programs. I'll sew or do stitchery. I'll do crossword puzzles or word games. I find if I distract myself from what I'm fretting over that I can put the anger and upset behind me and approach the problem from a new light. It is hard to think clearly when you are upset.

I also look for the joy in life. One of the joys right now is the new kitten. Pixie is such an affectionate little thing. She loves to be held and will run to greet you. She has a gentle little purr. She is also a little rascal and has learned how to untie the chair cushions in the dining room. It is hard to be angry around her.

Just so he doesn't feel left out the picture is of Merlin.

Joy

Her name is Pixie and she is about 3 1/2 months old and cute as a button. She makes my Mom smile and laugh a lot. She is an affectionate little kitten and rubs against you and loves to be held and will purr up a storm when you pet her. She brings joy with her.

Joy is something that many people refuse to see in life. They are so concerned with the externals that they refuse to see that there are positive things. My older brother is a perfect example of this. In the last couple of days he has blown up twice once when a circuit blew and knocked out his computer and once when a light bulb shattered. He screamed and yelled and stomped around upsetting our mother in the process. The first problem was an easy fix. You just have to flick the circuit breaker from on to off wait a minute and turn it back on. It restores the power every time. This is an old house with wonky wiring. The second just needs a new light bulb. He was lucky that the glass didn't hit him in the face or eye but instead of being thankful for that he pitches a fit. I had to redo 45 minutes of work on my last picture when the computer went down because my machine is on the same circuit. I just redid it. No big thing.

I was married to Mr. Doom and Gloom for six years. He couldn't be thankful for anything. He was always looking for the worst in life. You know something if you look for the worst in life you can always find it. The definition of an optimist is someone who sees the glass as half full. My ex and brother see the glass as half empty and there will be no more water to refill it and if they find water it will be full of pollutants and one sip will be deadly. You get the idea.

Joy is a wonderful emotion. Joy lets you feel alive. If you look for beauty you can find it. A little kitten playing with a toy that she can bat all around the kitchen floor is joy. The crisp air of autumn where the leaves are turning the most glorious colors is joy. The smile of a child is joy. Giving a hug to someone you love is joy.

Life is too short to live it with a sour attitude. Yes there are problems in life but there is also beauty. God gave us the brains to figure out how to overcome adversity. He also gave us a beautiful world to live in. You determine how you are going to live this life you have be given. I prefer to live mine with a smile and with joy. This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad.

 

One Down

We have one of the two kittens now. The little black one with white on her throat and tummy comes running to us and comes right on in and makes herself at home. She will probably be called Pixie. It looks like she spent the night inside and Merlin is no longer hissing at her so that is good. Mother refers to me as her co-mommy. One guess who the other mommy is. ;-) The little gray one is starting to come near so hopefully in another week she will be joining the house and then we can get the other two kittens to the people who want them. Mommy cat will need to be spayed and then she can be our outdoor cat to keep the mice population down.

I finished the picture I was working on for my Aunt's birthday. I'll not only put it on her card but print it out and put it in a stained glass frame that I have. Her nickname is Bird and she loves gardening so I combined the two into the picture.

Two years down the road  my boss finally got a review and raise in for me. The next check should be pretty good since I will have a year's back pay plus starting the new salary. It doesn't look like she will let me transfer out of the position I'm in. I can tolerate it but it isn't exactly what I really want to be doing. My hours have changed to 8:30 to 5:00 which will suit me better.

Life is moving on and slowly my year end projects are getting done. The Christmas card is designed and I need to start doing the calendar. That is always fun trying to narrow it down to 12 pictures from the previous year that I want to do.

 

Some Reflections

“Man is the reflection of God; but the reflection cannot exist without the object reflected; so man must know what God is, if he would know himself. This has been the search down the ages and this search must be made by every individual for himself.” Paramananda

 

Quite a heady quote isn’t it? Of all the relationships that exist it is perhaps our relationship with God that has the most individualized meaning. God is an intangible object. We can’t see him/her or hear him/her. We can’t chat on a website with him/her. We know God through the words of others. We know God in our hearts. The important thing is to be able to distinguish between the word of God and the words that others try to put into God’s mouth. How do we know that we are really hearing God?

 

If we take that God is the Creator then it would make sense that the word of God would be the words that are positive in meaning. God would want what is best for his/her creations. Even if you take the biblical story of Noah and the flood literally then God promised that he would not destroy his creations again.

 

If the words that are coming out of a religious leader’s mouth are words of hatred and destruction then I would say those are the words of the devil not God. A simplistic definition is God is love. If God is the Creator and is the power of good and love then the opposite would have to be the devil who is the hater and the force of evil.

 

Each of us in life searches for the meaning of our existence. Why are we here? What am I suppose to accomplish in this life? Who am I? If man is a reflection of God and is made in his image then that would mean all men regardless of race, color, creed, religion, political beliefs, sex, sexual orientation, or any of the other factors that divide people are God’s people. A scientist was once quoted as saying,  “God doesn’t make junk.” If we are indeed a reflection of God then all of us are his creatures. That would mean that divisions between us in the grand scheme of things are not important.

 

It only takes a look at history and indeed the present times to see that too much death and destruction has occurred in God’s name. I think God has been used by many people to justify their actions when the truth is that they are doing the work of the devil instead. Satan is the Father of Lies. He can make a very persuasive case for the most atrocious actions of man. If man isn’t careful he can believe that it is God talking to him instead of Satan.

 

For me knowing God is finding that quiet place within and listening to the silence there. I feel God’s presence in my life. I feel his guidance and his/her love. To know yourself is to know that you are God’s creature.  I may not always do the right thing but I try. I know that I am human and I make errors. I also know that even if I mess up that God’s love for me will never change. Even when I was angry and hurt and blaming God I was not abandoned. When I let God into my heart I let him in for good. He/she will not let me down because flawed as I am he/she loves me. That makes my life worth living right there.

 

Right to Know?

I was reading the news this morning and the article about the young mother of a missing child who committed suicide after reporter Nancy Grace's harangue of accusations really upsets me. One of the things I know about our system of justice is that a person is presumed innocent until proven guilty. While that is the theory our press seems to believe that they have the right to be judge and jury. Nancy Grace's response to this morning's news was that it was "an extremely sad development." I would say that was the understatement of the century. No one knows for sure what happened to the woman's child but if the mother is innocent of her son's disappearance then I would say that Ms. Grace is guilty of contributing to murder.

The public's right to know has to be tempered by the individuals' right to a speedy and fair trial. Too often the press feels that they have the right to publish any and all theories in a given case regardless of whether a person's right to a fair trial is jeopardized or not. There has to be a balance.

I remember that is civics’ class that there are some systems of justice where a person has to prove they are innocent rather then justice prove they are guilty. Have we become a nation that has twisted justice around to be that perverse? Is a person automatically guilty until they prove their innocence? Is a person who makes a mistake not allowed to change and admit to the mistake and try and make restitution?

I think the press and the public who encourages them is their witch hunts need to stop and rethink what they are doing. I would rather see justice then sensationalistic "news" bites. The American system of justice is supposed to be justice tempered with mercy. How much mercy did Nancy Grace show her victim?

 

Making My Way Through the Coffee

It is one of those rainy mornings when my mind is jumping from subject to subject and not staying long on anything. I just grabbed that second cup of coffee. I need the caffeine to get going this morning for some reason.

 

One of the things I am remembering is five years ago today I was working at a job I loved and desperately trying to reassure patients that we would find a way to get their dialysis supplies to them. I really miss working with my patients and feel sorry that the company decided to self destruct and take away the quality of care that people such as myself were dedicated to giving. Corporate greed and stupidity in action.

 

I got a giggle yesterday when a person who had been a board member of where I work now for 28 years flat out told me that if everyone was as organized as I was then that place would function a whole lot better. Working in chaos is no fun that’s for sure.

 

It has brought home anew the transitory nature of life. It is hard to really plan my life because there are so many variables that I have no control over. I’m here for the sake of my mother. Her health and well being are the only real focuses in my life at the moment. The rest of my life is sort of on hold while she is alive which is fine with me.

 

It is a sleepy rainy day outside. It mirrors a sleepy person inside. Eventually I’ll get motivated and try and get the stories published and the art on line for sale. Right now I’ve decided though to take the pressure off myself and relax. I need to get the lungs in shape where I can breath properly. I need to destress about the job. Sometimes you need to realize that there is time in life where you can just relax with that cup of coffee. The world isn’t going anywhere and you do have time to dedicate to yourself once in a while.

 

The picture is called “Shelter From the Storm.”

 

Remembering

“The biggest thing in today’s sorrow is the memory of yesterday’s joy.” Kahil Gibran

 

I think everyone remembers where they were when they heard about the World Trade Center being destroyed. There is a lot of rhetoric going on today from politicians and commentators. There are still questions that need to be answered as to why it happened and how it could have been prevented and other questions that can only be “answered” in hindsight.

 

As families who lost loved ones are forced by the media to again confront the pain and sorrow of the loss I would hope that they can also remember the happy times with those whom they have lost. I know with the loss of my own father that the memories of him in happier times do help with the sorrow.

 

Life has gone on since that fateful day and we continue to live it the best we can. There are moments in life that make us stop and think how precious it really is. This was brought home to me in what started out to be a simple conversation with my mother. She worries about my health and the way my lungs have deteriorated with the COPD. She was mentioning this in her call to her older sister who mentioned it to her son John. Mom was saying she was afraid my lungs would get so bad I would need a transplant. John, whom I have only met a couple of times, said that “if Michele needs a transplant she can have one of my lungs.” The idea that I could be so loved, that someone would literally want to give me a part of themselves to help me, just really floors me.

 

Even in sorrow we have much to be thankful for. Even with all the evil that is in this world we still have goodness. The picture is called “Abundance” for on this day of sorrow we still have an abundance of good if we will open our eyes and look.

 

We Are All Pawns My Dear

The subject is a line from one of my favorite shows "The Prisoner" and is also the title of my newest art work. The line popped into my head after a real rough day at work where my section is being pressured by our boss who is being pressured by her boss to get revenues up. It is an never ending circle where everyone wants results but no one can take the time to realize what the problems really are. It is part of my frustration and the reason I just don't feel like accomplishing much once I get home. I'm worn out from the battles at work.

I decided this weekend though that I am going to work on some of my projects and get some things accomplished. I am battling anew the bronchitis and am starting round number two of the antibiotics. I did my shopping last night so I don't need to go outside of the house this weekend. I am tired of spending my weekends sleeping trying to get well so this weekend I want to do something.

I am in the mood to write this weekend and have a couple of stories in my series I've started, one of which will probably be finished before the weekend is up. The one I am working on explores the evil that we can do when we allow ourselves to be overcome by hatred for another person. I think one of the most frightening things about humans is their capacity for hatred. We only have to look at the headlines to see what that hatred leads to.

One of my personal projects over the last few years is to force myself to really examine my feelings towards others, especially those who have caused me pain. It hasn't been easy because it has brought up the pain again but I really wanted to challenge myself to overcome the negative feelings and teach myself I am capable of forgiveness. I have found that being human I do still struggle with those negative feelings but I find if I really look at the people that have caused me pain that I have discovered that they have problems and issues that they refuse to deal with that contribute to their behavior towards others. They are victims of their own refusal to deal with their lives. I decided that I am going to deal with mine and slowly I am changing into the type of person I want to be.

We may all be pawns in the game of life but even a pawn can cross the board of life and become a king. In my case though I want to cross the board and become a queen. She has the cooler moves in chess.

 

Looking Within

"The wise man looks for what is within, the fool for what is without." Confucius

I have been noticing lately a terrible lethargy within myself. I have so many things that I should be doing but I can't seem to find the energy or inspiration to do them. I sort of feel trapped in a life that I really hadn't intended for myself. I'm sure part of this goes back to the fact that physically I have been really ill too many times this year. The energy just isn't there.

I realize I am in a long plateau in my life right now and I am not seeing a future. I just don't know where I really want to go. I will probably start by structuring some things that have to be accomplished right now. I need to come up with a present for my Aunt who will be celebrating her 90th birthday in November. Her nickname is Bird and I would like to find a stitchery design with birds on it that I can put in a stained glass frame that I have.

The next project should be designing the Christmas card itself now that I have the picture for this year done. It seems silly to be worrying about that in September but the cards need to be printed individually and that will take time.

Project three will be the calendar gifts for Christmas this year. I need to design the 2007 calendar. The hard part always comes in trying to narrow down the pictures that I have done in the previous year to twelve. This year I'll be doing two calendars so that a couple of good friends overseas can have a Prisoner art calendar and friends and family here can have my art calendar.

Project four will be going through my magazines and cutting out the recipes I want to keep and recycling the rest of the magazine. Oh yes of course I need to print the wedding album for my niece. It will make a great Christmas gift. Ah the website needs to be updated again.

Well what do you know if I really look at my life I can set up goals that can be accomplished. The picture is called "Contemplation."

 

Return to the Fold

I'll be heading back to work in about an hour for the first time in over a week. While I am feeling better I am not at full strength and will need to take it slow. I can only imagine how huge of a mess I'll be walking into. I know two major jobs that will not have been done that will keep me working steadily until 8:00 p.m. tonight.

The enforced rest did provide me the time to design this year's Christmas card picture. I tried to tell my little machine to do something that it turned out that there wasn't enough CPU power for it to handle. I am going to have to seriously think about upgrading this machine if I want to continue doing art that has more complicated elements in it. I am pleased with how the picture came out however even if I had to go with version number two of it.

In redoing the picture using an effect that my machine can handle I was again struck by the fact that in life it is rare to get everything exactly the way you want it. The process of life is a process of compromise between individual's wants and needs and the wants and needs of others. I am generally pretty flexible about things. There is a point however where I will not back down and that is in the matters of my conscience. If I feel something is wrong then there is nothing in the world that can force me to act in a way that I know in my heart is evil.

The picture is called "Escape to Paradise" and no doubt I will be looking for that shuttle and wormhole to get me away from work by quitting time.

 

Earth

One of the great passions in my life is the protection of the environment. This is a fragile little ball we live on and there is no way to replace it if we screw it up. Man with his pollution spewing into the air and water and leaching into the land is not taking care of this planet that God gave us. I have always been involved with groups that strive to clean up and protect this world of ours.

It was with great sadness that I read about the death of Steve Irwin, the Australian talent known as the Crocodile Hunter. In addition to being a great showman Steve was also passionate about conservation and caring for this planet of ours. His sudden loss leaves us with a sense of sorrow at his early death and thankful that we had him fighting with us for as long as we did.

The picture is called "Earths" however it is only in art that we can replace our planet with another earth. In real life we only have this one and we need to take care of it.

 

Emerging

"In matters of conscience, the law of the majority has no place." Mahatma Gandhi

I am finally coming out of this latest illness and am starting to feel semi-human. The strong antibiotics on top of the steroids is still messing the inners up but at least I can breath without it feeling like I'm fighting through tons of stuff in my lungs. Breathing is something that most people don't even think about. It is automatic. It isn't until you find yourself having trouble getting air in and out of your lungs that you really think about it. A friend at work mentioned that it would have to be scary not being able to breath right and it is. The problem with severe asthma is that the specter of death hangs over you when you are in the throes of a major attack because if you can't start breathing and getting air in properly you will die.

I guess the thoughts of mortality made the quote from my Oriental Wisdom Calendar stand out so clearly in my mind. The matter of conscience is something that concerns me on a personal level. I have had to deal in my life with people whom I feel have no conscience. There is no sense of right or wrong in them. They are wrapped up in themselves or their causes and any thought of whether what they are doing is morally right is ignored. They play the game of "I'm morally right and you are not." They are so caught up in their own worship of self and how good they are that they fail to see their own flaws. Everyone is wrong but them.

All humans have the capacity to do good or evil and it is our ability to fight the tendency to do evil that makes us what we are. Evil can be insidious and make it look like we are doing the right thing when we aren't. It makes us want to hate people because they are not like us. Evil leads to fanaticism and unless we have a strong sense of self and a strong individual conscience it can overwhelm our beliefs and put us on the path of blindly following fanatical beliefs. The path to evil.

There have been times in my life when I have felt like the lone voice in a wilderness but I can not deny my conscience and take the easy path of acquiescence. My beliefs are structured in my faith in God and that he is a good and benevolent God who loves all his creations and creatures. I also believe that evil exists in this world and that if you are going to be a creature who believes in God then you need to be prepared to fight evil. It is important however that you recognize real evil and are not fighting straw men that someone else has set up as evil.

I am suspicious of inflammatory rhetoric and view it as an attempt to suppress the truth. The world is a lot more complex then any politician wants you to believe. There are more variables then they are letting on. The only path to true peace is a thorough understanding of all aspects of the lives of everyone involved. You have to see beyond the rhetoric into the hearts of the people involved. What are they feeling and why do they feel this way? What is the real reason that they hate? We need to understand why before we can change the situation from volatile into an understanding and peace.

I've been working on art a bit during my waking periods and came up with this picture called "GERD, the heart burn monster." In a way the humor of having a visual picture of what caused this illness has helped me deal with the illness itself.