Musings From the Coffee Cup

"If you do not have the capacity to love yourself, then there is simply no basis on which to build a sense of caring towards others." Dalai Lama

I'm sure you have heard the biblical corollary to this "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

That loving thyself does seem to come in some very strange forms sometimes. For some it is an almost worship of the self. The feeling that you are better then anyone else and can say and do as you want because "you're the man." You are it, number one, the all important one. Without you there is just no reason for this world to continue to exist. The ego that goes super nova.

Sometimes we seem to have a healthy respect for ourselves at least on the surface. We try and behave in socially accepted ways. We try and help our fellow man according to our abilities. That is surface though what do you see underneath? Sometimes you see a self destructive behavior that makes a lie out of the surface respect. Sometimes we fill our bodies with cigarette smoke, the wrong kind of food putting on massive amounts of weight. We drink much too much or pop pills to wake us up and pills to make us sleep. Sometimes we ingest substances that aren't legal but make us "feel good."

New year's resolutions are our attempt to try and tell ourselves that we aren't the person we really want to be. We do recognize that we have short comings that need to be worked on in order for us to truly be a better human being. The resolutions that are most likely to be kept are the ones that are more concrete. Rather then say I'm going to lose all this excess weight it would make more sense to say I'm making an appointment for this date with my doctor to discuss weight loss options and find the healthiest and best way to lose the weight you want. Instead of saying I'm going to keep in touch with my family and friends more often how about I'm calling Mom on Monday, emailing Aunt Susan on Tuesday, making a weekly date with my significant other for Friday night, etc.

Once we really take a healthy look at who we are and discover what our strengths are and what are weaknesses are we can then play to our strengths and work on our weaknesses. That is what real self love is taking care of this shell that houses out heart, mind and soul. When you can the real you then you can start accepting others. Once you get past the I - I - I then you can go to the you - you - you and truly benefit mankind.

One of the major differences between egotists and caring human beings is empathy. I know people who scoff at the saying "Oh God don't let me criticize my brother until I have walked a mile in his shoes." They find it trite and twee. They are the ones who are devoid of empathy and are so wrapped up in themselves that they can not imagine the hurt other people can feel. You have to really be able to see another person and feel their pain before you can help them in any meaningful way. Empathy is one of the things that should separate man from the animal world. Unfortunately I think that the animals show more empathy then we humans do much of the time.