Quiet Morning

I'm in a lot calmer mood today then I was yesterday. Part of the Aries temperament I guess, we blow up but get over it quickly.

We had quite a storm last night and more rain coming in. I worry about the family in California though as they are getting socked by storms. This doesn't promise to be a real good winter for anybody. I need to get out to the store before storm number two hits here. I can hear mother so I'll wait until she has her breakfast and has a chance to make her shopping list out so that I can do her shopping too. She hates to shop much to the amazement of her youngest great-grandson. When he was here he Zack asked her "You don't like to shop grandmother, not even for toys?" That still cracks her up.

If you look for it life can be full of laughter. I can never understand people who are so sour that they can't see the humor around them. A smile and a laugh a day is good for a person. I get amusement out of my cat Merlin. I gave him a kitty stocking for Christmas. He ignored all of the normal looking toys and zeroed in on the goofy toy I call "pink fuzzy face." I can tell already that 2006 will be the year I spend half of my time on my hands and knees looking under beds, couches, desks, chests, etc. trying to find where he batted it. If  I don't he goes all pitiful on me and whines. He is a character that cat and he keeps Mom chuckling too. That alone makes it worthwhile to fight him for half of the bed every night. My little fuzzball grew up to be 15 1/2 pounds and when he stands on his hind feet he can wrap his front paws around my waist.

Fed Up

I finally had enough on my favorite newsgroup and took the two troublemakers to task. I had suggested the two apologize to each other and be done with it. I should have saved the effort. Mr. foul mouth refuses and deliberately misconstrues what I said as asking them to be friends. I don't care if they are friends or enemies. I just want my newsgroup back to being civil and discussing "The Prisoner" that's all. They are driving people away in droves.

I have little tolerance for hypocrisy. At least one of the people involved admits his part in the mess and that he loses his temper too easily. The other pretends he is so moral and upright but he shows no decency at all. He is a self centered egotist who will never admit he could be wrong.

I am tired of the hatred and told them so. I told them that they are damaging themselves. I told them if I could forgive my ex-husband, if Pope John Paul II could forgive the man who tried to kill him, and if Cardinal Bernadine could forgive the man who falsely accused him of abuse then they could forgive each other. Enough is enough and I’ve had more then enough.

As I expected he deliberately misconstrued what I said again. Well he is the one who will have to answer for his hatred and bitterness. There is a price to pay for the ill we do to others either in this world or the next.

I originally did this picture as a protest to a troll but it fits my mood as to these two's postings. Pure garbage.

Try A Little Kindness

I wish I had more patience. Sometimes I really get frustrated with life in general and certain people in particular. People have a tendency to frown however if you walk up to someone and smack them across the head and say "now that I’ve got your attention." Besides it is hard on the hand.

Some people prefer to hold onto grudges and refuse to admit that they had any part in problems that exist because of them. I’m about to walk away from one of my favorite newsgroups because two people are constantly sniping at each other. I would love to smack them both but they are in England and I am here in the States. They make life more miserable then the trolls who at least have the grace to be mildly entertaining. But one refuses to let go of a grudge and the other is an egotistical s.o.b. who refuses to admit he was wrong. If neither one of them ever showed up again in the newsgroup no one would miss them. They are both immature trouble makers. They prove that attaining the age of adulthood is no guarantee that maturity came with the years.

I find as my mother’s health declines that my patience with idiots is getting shorter. I can’t take rudeness and stupidity the way I use to be able to. I don’t know if there is a saint of patience but I could sure use him or her right now. With life being so short why mess it up with hatred and petty jealousy. My colleague at work the other day couldn’t figure out why I was nice to a whining old man. How about because everyone else gets curt with him and he deserves a smile once in a while. They focus on the fact that he is a pest when kindness proved yesterday to be a better solution. He has problems too and they keep harping to him without getting to the core of the problem. All they needed to do was try a little kindness. I had him smiling as he left. No one else in the office has ever done that.

Why is courtesy and decency so hard for some people to manage? Remember growing up that the magic words were please and thank you? Do people really think that just because they are an adult that they don’t have to practice courtesy any more?

There are just so many sourpusses any more. Hey guys the muscles you use for a frown work in reverse to give a smile. Try it. You may learn to like it. Hey it got our grouchiest patient to smile back. I know it works. Besides the world would be a lot better place if people would be nicer to each other.

The picture is called "Planet Fall" because I need a little serenity in my life right now.

Resolutions

Don't you sometimes wish instead of making resolutions for yourself you could make them for others? There are some people I would dearly love to make resolutions for.

For the two people on my newsgroup, you are both in the wrong so shut up already and leave the rest of us in peace. I am really tired of the fighting and sniping. Let the grudge go life is too short. For the trolls that plague the group go away and stay away.

For my soon to be ex sister-in-law stop listening to your wacko roommate and settle the divorce for heaven's sake. You are the one who wanted it. Oh and while you are at it stop hurting my Mom. Would it have killed you to send the woman a Christmas card? She remembered you and she has done so much for you over the years.

For my oldest brother get your head out of the clouds. I need help with mother and shove the ego and try and realize that when I say something about Mom it is because I have checked with her and know what she wants. Sisters are capable of being right too.

For our Government hey guys the law is supposed to be upheld by you also. It is not all right to secretly tap into citizens without going through the courts to get a wiretap order. And oh yes how come it is shameful to let the people know the government is secretly tapping them but it is all right for you to blow a woman's cover and endanger her and her family? Ethics should be required by all government officials.

I would make some resolutions for Merlin but a cat doesn't care now does he?

The picture is called Castles Made of Sand which pretty much sums up what chance these resolutions have of being kept.

Geeks R Us

If there isn’t an organization called Geeks R Us then there should be. My younger brother Eric was here for Christmas and he is the one with whom I discuss computers and Star Wars. He is the other graphic artist in the family and we both use the same programs to do our art. As he stated this weekend "I’m a geek and proud of it." That makes two of us.

Too many people think that geeks are these weird people who can discuss the minutia of Star Wars, the Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, etc. While that is true, and Eric and I did a pretty could job of figuring out the continuity errors in Star Wars on the way to the airport, there is more to being a geek then that. Geeks are the ones with the curiosity to figure out how things work and how to make them better. If a geek named Bill Gates hadn’t come along most of the people on computers now wouldn’t be. If a geek named Bono hadn’t come along then $40 billion dollars in debt to the world’s poorest countries would still be their burden.

Geeks are the number crunchers and scientists of the world. Geeks are the reason we have put a man in space and on the moon. Geeks are exploring Mars. Rover's parents? Geeks from NASA/JPL. Geeks are the scientists trying to figure out how to cure cancer. Geeks are the people who think outside the box and make the discoveries that make our lives more livable.

Aren’t geeks those people in costume at science fiction conventions? Of course we are. A lot of effort goes into those costumes and it is really an art form. It is how we relax. It is fun. Aren’t geeks those people who can tell you how the Enterprise worked and what the elves had for breakfast? Well of course we are but again it is our way of relaxing.

I think geeks are probably the most misunderstood people around. Geeks make life better for everyone but the mundanes just don’t understand us. That’s okay though because we understand each other. From someone who scored 75% (ultimate geek with a note attached saying "I would have written this in Vulcan but you would have probably corrected my grammar") on the Geek Test I can proudly say as my brother does "I’m a Geek."

The Day After

Today is the day after Christmas. It is a day of introspection. The wrapping paper has all been gathered up and last night’s huge meal is sitting as today’s leftovers in the fridge. Our Christmas was nice but it was one of the days that depresses Mom the most. Dad was always like a kid at Christmas time. Christmas and Father’s Day were the days he always looked forward to because he knew he would talk to all five of his children and his only grandchild. Mom misses Dad always but Christmas is one of the hardest days for her. It didn’t help that she was sick again.

While yesterday was a wonderful day for many it was a hard day for many other people. Many of the people that were caught in the devastating Hurricanes Katrina and Rita are still suffering. The victims of the tsunami a year ago are still suffering. People who have lost loved ones are still hurting because someone they loved wasn’t there with them to celebrate yesterday.

One of the hardest things to learn is that you can’t take the pain away from someone else although you can be there to give them love. I know Mom will never stop missing Dad. I try to make sure she always knows that I love her but it won’t fill the empty space inside of her where Dad was.

It doesn’t mean that we should stop trying to help. Money can rebuild a home. Food can stop hunger. Medicine can make the ill well. There are plenty of things that we can do to make life better for someone else. Now is the time to remember those that need our help the most. It is the time after all the big pushes for charity and the time that people have done their "Christmas charity bit." They won’t think again about others until the next natural disaster. Hunger, homelessness, and illness won’t go away just because Christmas is over. The need to help others is always 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year.

On of the simplest things we can do is really listen when someone needs to talk. It this day of emails and blogs and information overload sometimes people forget how to communicate. There are people hurting that it would help if they could just talk to someone. I do that for my mother. Mother wants to talk about Dad sometimes. She doesn’t want people to tip toe around not talking about Dad because they are afraid it will hurt her. She needs someone to listen. It something that all of us can do. Listen.

 

Merry Christmas

We have a misty morning but may get some snow later in the day. It will still be a beautiful day. My Mom is up and that is the sound I always strain to hear in the morning. With her very bad heart I always listen carefully for the sounds of her stirring before I can really start my day right. The older brother is 'hogging' the bathroom as usual. It cracks me up that I’m the only girl in the family but it takes my brother twice as long to get ready as it does me. My younger brother isn't stirring yet but he will soon smell the coffee I made and be up. He was as "giddy as a school boy" last night. He is in the throes of a very bitter divorce and is really hurting because of it. He has found a lady that eases his heart and he got the nerve to tell Mom about her last night only to find out that Mom really does understand. Last night I talked to my niece and her children as they opened the presents that I sent them. Their tradition is to open one gift on Christmas Eve. I also got a chance to talk a bit the man she is marrying in June. He is a Presbyterian minister and one of the nicest people you could ever meet. After the heartbreak of being dumped by her husband with three children under the age of six and fifteen dollars she has made something of her life and found a truly good man, who loves her and the children, to spend the rest of her life with. Yes life is good.

As we celebrate the birth of a baby in the manager so long ago I hope that we can learn the peace and love that he brought to the world. That is what Christmas is about. My prayer on this day is that everyone, for this one day, lets go of the anger in their hearts and any hatred they feel towards their fellow man. Try it today. You will find if you can do it today that it will be easier to do tomorrow and in the following days. Give your heart the greatest gift of all. Give your heart the peace and love of that baby boy. It will be the best present you have ever received.

I create a Christmas picture for my cards every year. This one is called "All Creatures Great and Small." It is from the poem by Cecil Francis Alexander.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

 

What's Going On?

In the small town where I live there was a recent brouhaha when the city council tried to be politically correct and rename the Christmas break, winter break and the Good Friday break, spring break. From the screams of outrage you would have thought they cancelled Christmas, closed all the churches, and sold all the children into slavery. I could not believe some of the reactions. Some of the council members received death threats. A special town meeting forced a change and the old names were restored. What was the cost? I think one of the victims was the reputation of Christianity. How can anyone call themselves a Christian and still threaten to kill someone because they voted to call something a winter break?

I have a real problem with people calling themselves Christian when their actions are totally contrary to Christ's teachings. Do they really think Christ cares what you call a holiday? Don't these people think he cares more about what is in our hearts? Have they heard of something called "The Ten Commandments" which quite clearly states "Though Shall Not Kill?"

I think too many people are concerned with externals and not enough about reality. It is more important to take care of our fellow human beings then whether something is displayed. When the Constitution was made one of the things that was put in there was the separation of church and state. That quite clearly means that there is no official religion established for the United States Government. It means that all men have the right to worship or not worship God however they see him or her.

One of the complaints I heard about the city council’s decision was "what about the rights of the majority?" Reality shows that if you take all the Christians in the world and then add up all the other religions and those who do not believe Christians are NOT a majority. Others have the right to worship according to their beliefs too. It is something that the Fundamentalist Christians fail to realize. They are in the minority and I for one am tired of them tramping all over my rights as a Catholic and the rights of other people to worship as we choose.

I had an insight once during an art class I took when we were drawing from a live model. The model was in the center on a platform and the art easels were in a circle around her. Every drawing was different in spite of them being of the same person because we were looking at her from a different angle. I believe God and religion are the same way. God is so vastly complex that no one religion can understand the totality of him/her. Each religion is looking at a different aspect or angle of God. It means no one religion is right because they are only seeing one portion of the totality that makes up the entity we call God.

From a practical standpoint it means that there is a place for nativity sets but not on government lands because the government is for everyone no matter what religion. As long as the government does not prohibit displays on private land then we have no right to complain. Put up the biggest nativity set you can find. Put up a menorah. Put up whatever symbol of your religion you want and celebrate. If a break encompasses a time period of more then one religion call it winter break. Call it Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa Winter Solstice break. The important thing is hold in your heart and practice that we are supposed to be on this earth to help and love our fellow man. We are not here to threaten to kill someone who uses a different name than Christmas for a break. God has to be ashamed of the behavior of some of his creatures. We are very lucky he/she is a loving God.

The picture is called "The Star."

Getting There

I got the last two gifts wrapped last night. At the last moment I decided to get another gift for mother. She had wanted a new nightgown and sheets so I decided to get her a really pretty set with pink roses on them and a pink nightgown with roses to go with them. Mom likes practical gifts. I also have a couple of other gifts for her including an Agatha Christie book from the cat that he paid for with my debit card.

I am picking my brother Eric up at the airport tonight. Gives me a reason to get "Revenge of the Sith" out. Geek time. The tree still isn't up but with Eric coming he can help Mike get it down and I can have it up tomorrow. I want some pictures of Mom and two of her sons by a tree this year. This is the first year since before Dad died that Mom agreed to have the tree up.

I got a kitty stocking for Merlin although he probably only deserves a lump of coal. He has gotten extremely spoiled since we moved here a year ago. I swear if Mom had spoiled us the way she does my cat we would have ended up as juvenile delinquents. ;-)

I want this Christmas to be special for Mom since I really don't know how many more Christmases she has left. She is down sick with another sinus infection. She has been sick so often this year. I really worry about her since she is so skinny and frail and insists on working full time. I'm hoping to convince her to quit her job or at least go part time.

I've learned to take each day one at a time and try to make each day as happy for her as I can. Merlin keeps her amused so I can put up with his being so spoiled by her. The most important thing is for her to know each and every day that she is loved.

The picture is called "The Star and the Moon."

Frustration

My boss and I talked today. She can tell I'm frustrated. She also wanted some advice on how to get through to my hard headed brother who also works for her and get him to listen to her for a change. She picked up on the fact that one of the main sources of my frustration is the responsibility for caring for my Mom and my brother and the possibility that another one of my brothers is talking about moving out here. She wondered why I didn’t get my own apartment where I could still be near Mom but have some space of my own. Originally that was what I planned on doing but now it would upset Mom too much if I were to move and take my cat with me. She has gotten so used to having me around and with her health I worry about not being close in case her heart goes ballistic. She has come to depend on me. It is a pain to be the responsible one sometimes.

Still my boss is correct and I am frustrated with trying to deal with Mom’s health and a brother whom I love but who is highly irresponsible. He has a good heart but he just doesn’t think and I find I’m getting more and more frustrated with him. I cringe at the idea of another brother moving in since he is even more irresponsible then the oldest brother and I don’t feel like taking care of someone who through his own negligence has let his diabetes get out of control. I hope that doesn’t make me sound heartless but right now I’ve got too much on my plate. Another person to look after would be too much of a strain on my Mom and I know Mom she would baby him as much as she does my oldest brother. Both brothers need something called maturity and to stop expecting Mom to bail them out of the messes they get themselves into.

As frustrated as I am I know that realistically I need to stay here with Mom. Someone needs to take care of her. I’m sure my mood is down in part because of the fact that the injured ankle is still as bad as it was two weeks ago when I first hurt it. If I wasn’t in constant pain I’m sure I’d be in a better mood.

I hope that the talk my boss had with my brother shook him up enough to straighten him up at work. He has to remember that she is the boss and it is her way or the highway. If he settles down then that will be a big load off my mind. I am going to talk to my younger brother and just let him know moving out here is not feasible. After the first of the year I think I will take some time to set up an internet business and start selling my art there. I use to  sell my art at science fiction conventions in California but out here in the farmland of Indiana there just isn’t the sci-fi community that I’m used to so I will have to go another route. Maybe that will be what is needed to make me feel less frustrated.

The picture is called "By Dawn's Early Light."

Forgiveness

On Sunday we celebrate the anniversary of a baby’s birth. This child would grow up to meet a terrible death but in doing so he forgave those who persecuted him and put him to death. Forgiveness. That is a very difficult concept for many humans.

The dictionary defines forgive as to excuse for a fault or offense, pardon; to renounce anger or resentment against. The first part is not that hard to do but man that second part is tough!

An incident occurred in one of my newsgroup that got me thinking about the whole issue of forgiveness. A troll who has plagued one of my favorite groups for three years decided to mount a particularly viscous personal attack on me. I went straight to his ISP and demanded action because I was not going to tolerate his slandering me in public. Was I angry? You bet I was. I was furious. His ISP shut him down and the trolls response was to found yet another ID and issue me an apology. This brings up a dilemma, do I forgive him when I know that the apology is insincere? He has done this apology bit many times before. Do I refuse to forgive him because I know it is false?

Looking at the whole concept of forgiveness I decided to see if I really do forgive people who have wronged me. The answer is yes I forgive but I don’t forget. I have mentioned an abusive ex-husband before. To give you just one incident of what life was like with him I woke up at 1:00 AM in the throes of a severe asthma attack. It took him 20 minutes to call an ambulance and get me medical help. By the time the medics got there I was on the verge of choking to death. Do I forgive him? Yes because he is mentally ill, an illness he hid from me before we married. Do I renounce the anger and resentment? Actually I find I do. I will always remember his treatment of me but it serves to make me more cautious in my relationships. I also know to call the police if he tries to come near me.

A jealous coworker forced me out of a job I loved. Do I forgive her? Yes because she is a very unhappy person. Her first position of authority and she alienated every member of her team and lied and falsified records to get rid of those she hated. If it hadn’t been for her though I wouldn’t be here taking care of my mother who needs me. She held on to me for the longest time last night when she hugged me.

The problem with anger and hatred is that it only affects one person, yourself. To let anger and hatred fester inside yourself is harming you. The person who wronged you is not affected in any way. Why harm yourself?

I guess I do need to forgive the troll. Someone who spends three years of their life trolling a newsgroup he knows nothing about has to be a very pathetic individual.

To err is human to forgive is divine. We have heard that many times before. We can learn from the Christ Child to forgive. We can learn from the bad that others do unto us but we can let go of the anger and resentment. It brings a sense of peace to us inside. Hatred only hurts the hater not the hated. Why harm ourselves with an unproductive emotion?

Musings on a Winter Morn

We are down to the final stretch in being ready for Christmas. I have two presents to print and wrap still but I'm ahead of all other years. I can print one tonight and since the other one won't get delivered to my Aunt until after Christmas I can safely wait. I need to print a calendar for myself so I know when all the wacky holidays are next year. Procrastinating big brother is supposed to get the tree and ornaments out for me today so that I may set the tree up tonight. He is also supposed to go to the Post Office and mail the packages to family and friends. After all I wrapped everything and boxed them up it is the least he can do.

It should be a quiet week at work since they don't want us calling and bugging people for money during Christmas week so maybe I can get some of the pile of paperwork done. We have our gift exchange at work tomorrow. I need to make the pasta salad tonight.

There is something to be said for last minute however. I came up with the salad everyone raves about at 10:30 one evening when I realized that the stores were closed and I needed a salad for a picnic the next day. So for those of you needing to make a dish to bring try this one. I know from experience that it will bring rave reviews.

I'm Making This up as I Go Along Pasta Salad

Recipe By     :Michele Wilson
Serving Size  : 8     Preparation Time :0:25
Categories    : Salads

Amount  Measure       Ingredient -- Preparation Method
--------     ------------       --------------------------------
8             ounces         macaroni -- cooked and drained
4              whole          hard-boiled eggs -- chopped
4              whole          sweet pickles -- chopped
2             ounces         pimiento -- diced
4             ounces         black olives -- sliced
1             medium        sweet onion -- diced fine
3             tablespoons  balsamic vinegar
1            cup                  low-fat mayonnaise
1/2         teaspoon       seasoned salt
1/2         teaspoon       seasoned pepper
1            tablespoon     salad herbs
1            tablespoon     Dijon mustard
1/4         teaspoon        paprika

Cook macaroni according to package instructions; drain. Place in large bowl along with eggs, pickles, olives, pimentos, and onion. 

In a small bowl mix the vinegar, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, salad herbs, paprika, and mustard. Pour over macaroni mixture and mix thoroughly.  Chill for at least an hour.

Description:
  "The result of realizing at 10:30 P.M. that I need a salad for a picnic the next day. Using what I had in the pantry and refrigerator I came up with this salad."
Source:
  "Healthy Food That Tastes So Good!"
Copyright:
  "Michele Wilson © 1998"
Start to Finish Time:
  "1:30"
                                    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Per Serving (excluding unknown items): 265 Calories; 13g Fat (43.4% calories from fat); 7g Protein; 30g Carbohydrate; 2g Dietary Fiber; 116mg Cholesterol; 526mg Sodium.  Exchanges: 1 1/2 Grain(Starch); 1/2 Lean Meat; 1/2 Vegetable; 0 Fruit; 2 Fat; 1/2 Other Carbohydrates.

 

Tis the Season

Time magazine has named Bill and Melinda Gates and Bono as their "Persons of the Year." I think that it is a brilliant choice. You frequently hear the saying "money can't buy happiness" but it can buy something more important. It can buy a better life or even a chance to have a life for someone who wouldn't have a chance if someone with money didn't give them the chance by using that money to help others.

This is the time of year that you see the Salvation Army with their bells and buckets collecting donations. It is the time of year that all charities have their big push to urge everyone to remember those who are less fortunate then themselves. It is the season of giving.

As important as it is to remember those less fortunate then ourselves during this Christmas Season it also brings to mind why just now? Charities push now because it is the Christmas Season but the need for help is all year round. This has been a year of disasters and many people still need our help. Not all of us have the type of money and prestige that Bill, Melinda, and Bono have but we can still do our parts. This is the time of year that warm clothes and food are needed and our local Goodwill or Food Kitchen can always use an extra hand.

Tis the Season to think of others. That is the true meaning of Christmas. Thanks Time for honoring three people that try to do their part in making this a better world.

 

Lemonade

My mother is fond of saying that when life hands you lemons make lemonade. I have always tried to do that. When things have happened in my life that are difficult for me to deal with I always try to step back and see what I can do to remedy the situation or at least learn something from it. I learned from a bad marriage that I will be more careful to make sure that if I marry again it will be to a person that is right for me. Sympathy for the devil does not a happy marriage make. I learned from my Dad's death that I was a lot stronger then I ever dreamed I could be. I learned that when a job I loved was taken from me because of jealousy that I could get another job and still help people.

I have learned the patience that I never had as a child. My art forces that on me because the computer will go at its own pace in rendering a picture and the more complicated I make it the longer it will take to render. I always grew up hearing that patience was a virtue. Of course it isn't a virtue that I always have but I am getting better.

Currently in the Midwest we are having a winter that definitely is not going to be a fun or mild one. We don't normally get snow in November. We may have a white Christmas but it usually melts fairly fast. This year promises to be wet and cold and very white and definitely not a delight. The sprained ankle has proven that. However if you have to deal with such a winter you might as well have some fun with it. Hence the title of this picture is "Winter Wonderland."

 

Wrapping the Cat

Don't get me wrong I love my cat Merlin but he can be a real pain around this time of year. Being an artist in a household of wrapping challenged people I somehow always got the job of wrapping the Christmas presents each year. This year is no different. The biggest challenge is not the pretty bows etc. it is trying to wrap around Merlin's "help." For him everything is a toy, the paper, the ribbon, the wire for the bows, the tags, and will you please leave the little teddy bears that go on the bows alone! Sigh.

Next challenge putting up a Christmas tree with a cat in close attendance.

Opposites

One of the things that I have noticed is that there are opposites in nature. There is hot and cold, air and water, fire and ice, night and day, winter and summer, spring and fall, etc. One of the laws of science is that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In the Chinese Tao Te Ching there is yin and yang, the male and the female. In life there is good and evil. Opposites.

In life I have met some people who are very good and some who are very evil. Most people I think are a combination of good and bad. All of us have the capacity to do evil and one of the battles in life is to overcome our ability to do bad things.

If we take it as a given that God is good then where does evil come from? Does God have an opposite in evil? Does good and evil exist and the way we define it become God and the devil? I think that we have to name things before the concept can be clarified in our minds. The human mind is capable of understanding many things but it has to name or label before it can talk about anything. The human mind prefers concrete to abstract. Opposites.

People define good and evil according to their own beliefs and sense of morality. You see that with politicians who define their "enemies" as "evil." You see it in bickering spouses or family members who define whoever they are mad at as "evil." You see it in so called "preachers" who define whoever or whatever it is they don’t agree with as "evil."

The question is what is evil? The dictionary defines evil as the quality of being morally bad or wrong, wickedness; that which causes harm, misfortune, or destruction. Are people defining as evil things and people who really aren’t? Of course they are. People want to believe that they are good and that anyone who isn’t like them must be evil. I have known people who are very fond of throwing the word evil around while ignoring the evil that they do to others. The ones that shout the loudest about evil are the ones most likely to show evil towards other people. It is like Shakespeare says "me thinks she doth protest too much."

Is nature capable of evil? Nature is certainly capable of mass destruction as we have seen this past year with tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes. Does that make nature evil? No because nature is not capable of rational thought. This is an unstable planet that we live in. It is capable of extremes  in weather. It has Teutonic plates that are in constant motion. It does not however have rational thought and it is rational thought that determines whether actions can be evil.

Does God cause bad things to happen to people? No because God by his very nature is good. I know someone who has rejected God and claims to be an atheist because he blames all the bad things on God. In his own life he is capable of immense cruelty to others. I don’t see him as an atheist who doesn’t believe in God as much as a person who has rejected God and is incapable of seeing that he is embracing the devil who does do evil. Good and evil. Opposites.

Does the devil cause bad things to happen to people? No, not by himself he doesn’t, what he does is worse. The devil puts in our hearts the will for us to do the evil to our fellow beings. He puts in our minds the rationalization to destroy our planet, our fellow human beings, our own lives. He tells us that God causes evil and it is alright for us to behave any way we want because God has abandoned us. Why else would there be AIDS, hurricanes, terrorists if God didn’t care about us any more? The devil is the champion at rationalization. If you listen to him you believe you can do anything because you are the "good guy."

In one of my short stories called "Mirror Image" I had my hero having to fight himself, the self that was capable of evil. He couldn’t defeat his evil self until he was reminded that that being had no light. He did not have God in his heart. At the end of the story Sean, who is a senachie or bard, tells the audience, "And so you see in every creature there is the potential to do evil. It is our ability to fight the evil which makes us what we are. The gains ye may make from evil are only smoke and mirrors and have not true value at all." A friend of mine read that story and she remarked that what I had said there stuck in her mind. The path to evil is much easier to take then the path to good. It is the road that we take that defines whether we are good or evil.

Mother's Need to be Needed

I have mentioned that my mother has a very bad heart which is one of the reasons that I moved here. I've done my best to take care of her. The last couple of days, as I've had to baby this sprained ankle, she has taken care of me and has looked better then she has during this past year since I moved here. She drove me to the doctor yesterday morning. She has been making meals and actually has been eating properly herself. She has decided to do her Christmas cards because the computer and typewriter are up here where I have been resting. I think that being able to be a "mommy" may have been what she needed. I'm a very independent person and like Mom I'm more likely to be the one doing the nurturing then being taken care of myself. I think that she feels needed now since I can't be on the foot very much and the doctor won't let me go back to work until Friday. It makes her feel important to do things for me. It is something I must remember. In my concern for her I sometimes forget that she needs to feel needed too and doesn't like being fussed over. Sometimes I have to let her be the "mommy."

Thoughts on Snow

Have I mentioned it has been snowing and icing up here? Seven inches in one day and temperatures below freezing? Another big storm coming on Wednesday?

Normally I love winter however the thought of two to three weeks in an air cast and on crutches in this garbage until the inflammation in the left ankle goes down and I can walk without fireworks of pain is not my idea of fun! Fortunately it isn't broken however that little slip that I thought didn't do much damage since I didn't hit the ground apparently did enough damage to the ankle so that it looks like I have no ankle bone, just a white and red swollen mass where it use to be.

Merlin is playing nurse. Of course at the moment that happens to be giving lessons in how to take a nap. He does get up with me if I have to use the bathroom just to make sure I can get there and back okay. Considering that if he stands on his back paws he can wrap his front around my waist he could probably give me support if he had to. ;-)

The picture is called "Chariots of Fire" and that is how the ankle feels.

Sunday Morning in the Snow

Sunday is a good day to be contemplative about life. Listening to U2’s "The Joshua Tree" certainly helps one to be in a reflective mood. I was thinking today how it was to grow up Catholic. I know my mother says her faith was the only thing that got her through my Dad’s death. He was the only man she had ever loved. She was in her teens when she married him and he died a couple of weeks after their 55th wedding anniversary.

When he was on Charlie Rose’s show Bono said something that really resonated with me. He attributed his social activism to "good old Catholic guilt." While it made me smile it also is a good description that many of us raised Catholic understand. We were taught that Jesus died for our sins and we have to make up for that in our lives by helping others. Bono does that with DATA (Debt, Aids, Trade, Africa) and his tireless campaign to help the Third World countries. Father Damien did that in the last century in Hawaii with his work on Molokai in Hawaii and his care for the lepers there.

It is so easy during this time to focus on the "abuses" in the Catholic Church and ignore the realities. According to his article on "Sex Abuse in the Church" Father Andrew Greeley says, "if the Ratzinger/NYT estimates are anything near the reality, 98% of American priests are not abusers, a point the Times neglects to make and which ought to have been the lead in an unbiased news report. I suspect that the Ratzinger/Times estimates are too low, but double the number to 4% -- which I suspect is closer to the truth -- and one still finds that 96% of priests are not abusers." He says one abuse is one too many but the reality is that the number of abusers in the Catholic Church is no higher than in any other organization. By focusing on abusers and ignoring the good priests a distorted view of the Church is being presented to the reading public.

Faith is a personal thing but I think I learned a lot in my time of nuns and catechism classes. Some of the things I learned were personal responsibility, the existence of good and evil, helping others, compassion, and for me the most important lesson of all that we are on this Earth to help our fellow human beings not for selfish reasons.

I’ve been on a newsgroup dedicated to the show "The Prisoner" for many years. While I don’t normally try to be argumentative there were two instances that I refused to back down on what I perceived as abuses. One was a slur against Aspergers sufferers that a troll used to try and slag off some people on the group. I have a nephew that suffers from this affliction and I was very vocal in saying that when you use a term that depicts a real illness for the sole reason that you want to insult someone else that you denigrate the suffering that people from this affliction are facing. Their suffering becomes nothing more then an insult term and that is wrong. The other came when a regular used foul language to insult another member and used the forum in a way to try and destroy the reputation of another member he did not like. Unfortunately that person fell into the trap and gave the obscenity user the ammunition he needed. I took both of them to task. In my eyes they were both at fault one for using an obscenity laced post after an apology had been made that he knew would push the other over the edge and the other for breaking a trust and posting personal emails. The obscenity user railed that my views were "twee" and I was a prude to object and that he couldn’t be ranked with a person who broke a confidence. Two wrongs do not make a right and yes two can be equally guilty.

I wonder if the fact that the person who refused to accept personal responsibility for his action is a victim of his atheism? When you throw out God in your life are you throwing out morality as well? Is that Catholic guilt that Bono spoke of really a good thing?

I think without a sense of morality that you can learn from religion a person risks the damage to the soul that turns the person from the right path towards the evil and darkness of the devil. You need a moral structure in your life. I like the idea of earning your way into Heaven. Of course my idea of Heaven is closer to the Simpson’s episode that Liam Neeson did. I want the Heaven with the step dancers, Guinness and yes there better be chocolate. In it I will meet again the little Irish priest in the picture, Father Paddy. He was a sweet man who was an enormous comfort to me when my marriage broke up. He died of a heart attack suffered when he was saying Mass.

Lots of White Stuff Out There

Nature has a way of making you do things you have been putting off. I haven't got my Christmas stuff finished yet. I've been hitting the sack early because of a cold coming on. Well I'm behind because the cards have to printed here since I do my own designs every year. Since I do half sized cards I have to print on both sides. I have a great HP printer but the designs are intricate and it takes a while to print.

About one o'clock this afternoon it started to snow and hasn't stopped yet. They are predicting about eight inches. I had to shovel almost four inches of snow off of my car at 4:30 this afternoon. Mother and my brother are working and there is no way I'll be able to sleep until Mom gets home safely. Even when I go to bed early I can't fall asleep until I hear her come in and know she is okay. She doesn't get off until eleven tonight and I'm not getting ready for bed until she gets home. She has her cell phone in case of trouble but I want to make sure she is home safe and sound before I go to bed. While I wait for Mom I'll work on Christmas cards etc. Now if Mother Nature could just be a little more subtle I would be happy.

The picture is called "Chicago WInter Dreams" and came about when shortly after I moved to the Midwest we had a horrible winter with over three feet of snow at one time and I wondered if the city of Chicago could dream what would it dream about?

 

So I'm A Geek Deal With It

It isn't easy growing up different. I was one of those weird people who thought school was for learning. I wasn't all that fond of school sports. You could find me at the debate club rather than the pep rallies. I was more interested in national politics than school politics.

Then as now I loved science fiction and fantasy. I was the dreamer who cheered when we landed on the moon and cheered again when Rover landed on Mars. I fully support the space race with its quest for knowledge. I cringe at attempts to suppress knowledge and replace it with superstition. I believe in God but I believe in a God that's powerful enough that he can use science to do his creation. Even if you take creation all the way back to the primordial atom you still have God. Where do you think that atom came from if not God? I find a God powerful enough to create an atom that starts it all infinitely more satisfying then one who has to make things one piece at a time.

I love science in all its complexity. I believe there is life on other planets. It would be a foolish waste to think this universe just contained us. Sometimes looking at mankind you wonder about our intelligence but God doesn't make junk.

I love the Lord of the Rings, Star Trek and Star Wars. I can converse for hours about them with fellow geeks. I love science fiction conventions. I use to run one. My desk has a computer made to my specifications, a digital camera, a camera cell phone and a pocket PC. Card carrying member of Geeks R Us.

Being a geek however doesn’t mean that I have to let my body go and wear nothing but jeans and T-shirts and no makeup. A shallow star once asked me why so many unattractive people are in fandom. The answer is simple because growing up we were told we didn’t fit in with the beautiful people crowd at school. We were the brainiacs. We were supposed to look dorky. That isn’t true. We can and should take pride in our bodies as well as our minds. We should maintain a healthy weight. We should avail ourselves to hair stylists, makeup and beautiful clothes. We have just as much a right to look good physically as the "beautiful in-crowd." After all we are the brains of society. They can’t make it without us.

The picture is called "City in A Minor." Why? Because I'm a geek and can name my pictures with obscure names. ;-)

Waiting for Godot

It is snowing again here in the Midwest. It looks to be a cold snowy winter this year. I'm thankful that my mother bought me a Honda Accord about a year and a half ago. Someone was selling a 1994 for a very low price and mother got it for me. My 1978 Toyota was on its last legs and this new car runs and handles like a dream especially in bad weather.

Christmas is coming sooner than most of us are ready for it to be here. It reminds me of the play "Waiting for Godot." This is the time of year that little children are the most anxious for time to fly as they can hardly wait for Christmas Day. They will never have the patience that the characters in Beckett's play have waiting for Godot to show up.

I have learned to be more patient over the years although I still find myself muttering "God grant me patience and I want it now." I think being an artist is what taught me patience. Artwork does not come out full blown even if you are using a computer. Art comes at its own pace and if you rush it then it does not come out right. I will find that I have spent literally hours on a picture fine tuning and trying to get everything exactly the way I want it to look. Some pictures take weeks before I am finally satisfied with what I see. It takes an enourmous amount of patience to tell a computer to reproduce the pictures that I see in my mind's eye. There are times that I stare at a picture and try to figure out what that picture needs because I can tell something is missing. Sometimes it is only a tiny change that is needed a shadow or light that needs to be added. I work on the pictures until what I see in my head is on the computer screen.

Life is like that also. You can't rush things to come at the pace you may want them to come. When you take short cuts you can make things worse. My Mom always says that if you do something then do it right. You need to take the time to do it properly. If you rush into something, especially a relationship, then it often fails. I found this out in my marriage. If I had taken the time to really get to know that person I never would have married him.

I try to learn life's lesson that you can climb any mountain if you take it one step at a time which is the theme of this picture. To be human, however, is to make mistakes. There is no guarantee in my life that I won't rush into another relationship or situation in life where patience would be advisable. I am human after all and that does entail that I will lead with my heart and not my head sometimes. Oh and by the way Lord did I mention I need patience now?

 

What Do You Get

One of my favorite newsgroups has been plagued by an idiot troll for almost three years now. In many ways he reminds me of my ex-husband who was a very abusive man. It got me thinking about what do abusers get out of their behavior? What are the consequences? Do they gain anything?

On the newsgroup the troll is met with scorn, ridicule, and hostility. Yet he keeps posting. My ex has destroyed two marriages, estranged his only child, estranged his only sibling, been forced out of numerous jobs, lost all his friends, and is even ostracized from the "furry" community. I have experienced people in the workplace who are verbally abusive and they have no respect from their fellow employees. No one likes them and they are spoken of only in the negative behind their backs.

What all of these abusive people have in common are big egos. They think they are the most important people in their worlds. They have a pathetic need to be in control. They are loud and obnoxious and are constantly trying to bring attention to themselves by shouting "See I'm important! Really I am! Important!" They are the whiners that complain that nothing is their fault. Everyone else is to blame. They are perfect. No one sees how important they are.

These people are so out of touch with reality that they do not comprehend how the rest of the world sees them. They are the paranoid delusionals of this world. Their power is just smoke and mirrors. It doesn't exist. It is there only in their minds.

No man is an island. People have to interact with their fellow beings. Those relationships can be rewarding or they can be miserable. People should be treated with respect. If you give respect and friendship you get respect and friendship in return. My mother has a saying that "he is only happy when he's miserable." I think abusive people have shut out happiness and decent emotions so that the only thing that exists in their lives is self satisfaction. They are incapable of sustaining fulfilling relationships because they drive people away from them. They fail to realize that people can turn their back on them and they are left with no one but themselves.

My ex has ended up a bitter lonely old man. No friends. No supportive coworkers. No family. Abusers end up alone because no one  wants to be near them. They are scorned and ignored. They are on the outside looking in when it comes to friendship and the warmth it brings. They have no one in their lives but themselves and that makes for very poor company. What have they gained? Absolutely nothing.