Trick or Treat

"Hatred never ceases through hatred. By compassion alone does it cease." Shakyamuni

It is Halloween and it will be soggy for the kids here. I have my Teddy bear Halloween sweater on with my black cat earrings. The real black cat is downstairs pestering her brother.

I was thinking about trick or treat this morning but not the candy variety. One of the dirtiest tricks that a person can play on someone is to destroy their confidence in themselves. Abusers do this all the time. They try and make their victim feel inadequate, stupid, untalented, unloved, etc. They work on the person's self esteem to erode it thereby achieving their true aim of making the victim feel like they deserve the abuse being handed out.

If a person is going to accomplish something in life then they need to believe in themselves. They need to believe that they are capable of doing something and doing it well. You have to believe in you. The straightest path to failure is starting out telling yourself you are going to fail. That you can't do something.

The classic abusive statement that I use as an example is from my ex. I was doing art work on my computer getting ready for a new show. He came in and said, "Why don't you do something useful with your life and go out and babysit?" That one statement held a multitude of insults. I wasn't mature enough to do anything other then take care of someone else's kids like I did when I was in high school. I wasn't an artist. I couldn't accomplish anything on my own. I went on to my art show and made more sales then anyone else in the Art Colony.

Treat yourself tonight with something other then the left over candy. Find something positive about yourself and give yourself a compliment. Let yourself know that you are not a failure. Try each day to spend a few minutes on what went right. What was an accomplishment you succeeded at today?

When you give yourself positive reinforcement then when you make a mistake it no longer becomes all consuming. When you make a mistake make it a learning experience. What went wrong and what can I do to make sure it doesn't happen again? We all make mistakes we just need to learn from them rather then beat ourselves up.

My picture for today has apologies to Beethoven and is called "Moonlight Sonata."

Not That Kind of Mouse

Pixie is on my desk, on my keyboard and trying to catch the "mouse" cursor which is a hold over from Windows 95. Smart as she is I probably should let her have her own blog.

A little black cat seems like the perfect accessory for Halloween. I was reading the other day about a Humane Society that has put a ban on adoptions of black cats until after Halloween in order to keep them safe from people who would otherwise abuse them this time of year. Whether this is an urban myth or not the fact that it is still a concern underlines a very serious problem.

I have mentioned that Pixie is a little furry bundle of love and knowing that their are people out there who would want to harm her is really sad. Some people feel they have the right to prey on the weak, the helpless, and those having problems have more problems laid on them by bullies. The bullies are the ones who will kick you when you are down. Some people act like they have the right to dish out "punishment" to those whom they feel have somehow violated whatever personal code they "claim" to follow. Those who in fact believe they have the right to play god. The infantile "you don't like my friend so I am going after you" syndrome. The sanctimonious fools who bleat about following the high road while beating their breasts about how they are not like those other sinners.

In reality such people are crawling in the gutter. There is nothing noble or high road about their actions. They are no better then those whom they criticize for lack of morals. They have become what they criticize. They can not see their own faults because they are too busy chastising others.

I know that I am not perfect and that I have made mistakes in my life. I will apologize if I have wronged someone. I can not stand by and watch cruelty being done. It is not in my nature. Jesus told us to take care of the weak and helpless. He told us to love one another. I do try and follow his teachings.

Smiling

I feel happy today in spite of not being over the flu.  I was able to watch two jerks make fools out of themselves. Sometimes that can be so satisfying. I found a great new community of graphic artists to join.

Pixie is on a growth spurt and is in the gangly teenager looking stage although she is still the smallest of the four kittens. Merlin is definitely developing a tummy on him. He finally decided that either Pixie was too much of a bully or that she was no longer as fascinating to watch and is back on my bed. It could be that we have had our first hard frost and the floors are cold and Merlin finally decided that laying on the cold floor while Pixie sleeps on Mom's bed is rather dumb when you can go upstairs and sleep on my bed. Cats.

The leaves are in the process of falling off the trees and clogging everything up. We still have some of the pretty colors but we are definitely heading towards winter. That is okay though because I really do like Winter.

 

Looking Forward to This

I just found the coolest graphic artist's forum on line. I am so excited. These are people that do the type of art I do and use the same programs. I've found a colony of fellow geeks. Yeah!  I can tell already that this new community I have found will be an important part of my artistic life. They are already responding to my questions and offering the support of one artist for another. I feel at home with them.

In the graphic's art community there are several ways that artists work. Some artists are really proficient at building 3D meshes and that is where they are happiest. Some builders will also create pictures using what they have built but some want other artists to build the pictures instead. They build the tools for others to use and many offer these 3D meshes for free use. I am not very proficient at building the meshes. That is not my strong point as an artist. I have created a couple of things but they are basically very simple designs. My strength lies in other areas.

A question that graphic artists are sometimes asked is about using downloaded meshes in our art and whether it is still considered original art if you do so. The answer of course is a resounding yes. People who purchase my art are aware that I use downloaded meshes in creating my pictures and they believe it doesn't make my art any less original. They don't care how I create my pictures they just want my pictures.

I feel the artificial argument that an artist can not use objects created by another artist specifically to be used in art is akin to telling Kenneth Branagh you aren't an actor because the clothes you wear were made by the costume department and the words you are saying were written by Shakespeare. "It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

The picture is "Celestial Dragon" because I feel like a dragon today and I have fiery back up now.

PSA

Just a very quick one today to ask everyone to please get your flu shots. The strain going around this year is a very nasty one. It has really hit the schools hard in the area where I live. Both my Mom and I have been battling it all week. This strain is one that hits the stomach and intestines as well as leaving every muscle in your body screaming with pain. So please get your flu shot and make sure everyone in your family does too and spread the word to friends and colleagues. You don't want to come down with this one people.

 

How Does She Do That?

I know there are lots of people who haven't a clue as to how graphic art works. Some think we only cut and paste. Others think that we just import a ready made object and voila we have a picture. Wrong! The main thing you have to understand about graphic art is that you are working in three dimensions not two, you have an x, y, and z axis at all times to deal with.

Let's take this picture "Nemesis" and see what went into its creation. I work out of Bryce and when I start it up a work area is displayed. You have a generic ground plane, a generic sky, and an indicator where your "camera" is. Those are the default settings and what you have is the digital equivalent of a blank canvas. The first thing I did was make the camera invisible because that little box drives me nuts and besides there are some things that you can not do if the box is visible. The second thing I did was study an actual photograph taken at Portmeirion to see what elements I was going to need to recreate since that was my inspiration for the picture. You are not going to bring in a photograph itself because that would defeat the entire reason you are working in 3D. 2D is still 2D even in a 3D world. The only time you bring in something 2D is if you are doing a special effect like I did with the cat cubes in another picture. Okay back to the photograph you have water, a hill with foliage, hills on the other side of the water, and a bell tower.

I wanted a figure in the picture so I went to my figure creating software called Poser. Poser will give you a generic figure that you then have to alter to make the figure you want. I start out with a generic, nude, bald man. You can change the proportions of the figure and "ideal adult" worked for this one. If you want over weight adult you need another program. ;-) I went through the clothing until I found the articles I wanted my figure to wear and rushed to clothe him before Mom walked in. I also went through the different hairstyles to get the one I thought would look best or at lease render in Bryce. I had to reposition the body parts to get the pose I was looking for. Poser doesn’t make it all that easy to position body parts as every little piece has its own settings and I do mean every little body part. It also gets confused easily and if you aren’t real careful you’re moving clothing and not the body underneath. Finally after much work you get a working model that you can use and alter in other programs. You then save what you have created and go back to Bryce.

I started with the ground plane. Why bother with that if water is going to cover it you ask? Simple the water has transparency and what you do with the ground plane underneath is going to reflect through the water and change its appearance. Since this particular picture didn’t show the actual color or texture of the sand at Portmeirion I went searching for other photographs to see what I needed to recreate. Bryce has presets which are starting points. It is like choosing a base color of paint and then tweaking it by adding and subtracting other colors of paint to it. You tweak in “materials” where the choices are huge. You can change the levels of diffusion, ambience, specularity, metalicity, or raise and lower the bump height. You can go to the color choices in diffuse, ambience, specular, specular halo, or volume. Volume you ask? Because Bryce deals in 3D you have a choice with your objects, color can be applied just to the surface like you paint a house or you can apply the color volumetrically and the entire thing becomes infused with color. This works real well when you are dealing with gas planets, one of my favorite things to do. You also have reflection, refraction, and transparency to play with. It sure makes using your handy tube of Titanium White to thin out your colors seem like a dream doesn’t it?

In Bryce the water plane dominates the setup. If you add a water plane the only way to have land showing is to build the land higher then the water. I started with the water plane, chose a water preset that I could use as a starting point and worked to get the amount of waves I wanted. The materials edit screen is used to raise or lower the height of waves, make more or less turbulence, and to change the color, brightness, reflection, refraction, transparency, etc. Once I got the water looking half way decent I went on to other things knowing that I would have to tweak this again later.

Since you are working in 3D you usually work from the distance forward. It is just easier. I worked on the distant hills next. Bryce will bring up a generic terrain that you will be working with. Think of it as clay only it is on your computer screen rather then in your kids hair. You go to the edit feature to sculpt your terrain. The button “fractal” alone has 30 types of things that you can do to you terrain. You also can smooth, erode, raise or lower, add "noise", subtract "noise, etc. You can flatten portions, create cut outs for caves, etc. It is a powerful tool. If you have a bad case of insomnia go read the Bryce manual on material settings. Once I got the shape I wanted I had to reposition the hills to get them in the background. In 3D you are physically moving your object back and forth, you can turn it around, change the angle, put it on its head if you so desire. Once in place I added a texture and as with the water went into materials edit to alter the material until it came out the way I wanted it to.

The next element was the bell tower. That I built. Bryce has generic shapes that are like building blocks and you can build props you need out of them. Once the tower was built I added texture to the individual pieces and again through material tweaked it until I had what I wanted. I then grouped the parts to together and moved the whole tower into place. This grouping and ungrouping of parts is a whole other lesson.

I then worked on the foreground. I needed to do another terrain to place my foliage. But you don’t see the ground! No you don’t but you can’t have the trees floating in air. Foliage takes a very long time to get right. You pull up a generic tree and then you have to define it as to actual type of tree, how many leaves, branch angle start and finish, trunk or branch thickness, how strong of pull of gravity on the limbs, randomness of branches or do you want them fairly standard, and many, many more choices. If you aren’t that hot on horticulture and you are looking at a photograph that takes a lot of working on to discover what those trees really are. After finally getting the foliage I wanted I put them in place on the foreground.

Time to bring our figure in and position him. Create “Rover” out of our handy dandy sphere object and one of my favorite Halloween textures “Marley’s Ghost.” Okay reposition figure, reposition Rover, reposition hills, reposition foliage, add more foliage, subtract that foliage it doesn’t work, no that water doesn’t look right yet, okay have I avoided the Bryce headache as much as possible? Yep. We now come to sky. Whimper. I love Bryce. Really I do but their sky setting drive me nuts! It doesn’t matter how many presets you have none of them are right and building your own also doesn’t work because the stupid sun is incapable of reaching any foreground that is elevated! Aha see the problem. Where is our guy? Yep out of the sun’s reach.

The sky controls are like all of Bryce a gazillion choices to make. You can change from night to day in the spinning of the globe. You can add or subtract clouds, mist, haze, moon illusions, whatever. You can spend hours on the sky alone. You finally come up with a sky that comes as close as you can to what the photograph shows and guess what? Your other colors are no longer correct. So back you go and reedit your much edited hills, water, sand, foliage, etc.

Now back to Mr. Shadow. Not what you had in mind so at this point you go grumble, grumble, add light source. I’ll give you a break and not tell you all the settings you have to decide for light source. Finally the picture looks the way you want it to. So now you can set that puppy to render, grab a couple aspirin for your aching head, and off to bed you go trying to stretch the cramped muscles that have been sitting at that computer for too many hours into doing something other locking into a sitting position.

Come morning providing you don’t find any gaping errors like something hovering on the ground because you forgot that little command to set it on the ground you can now do touch up. I pull my pictures into Painter. The main work on this picture is on the figure. The jacket has pin stripes and these need to be painted out, piping needs to be added to the collar and lapels, the shirt has to be changed to a turtleneck and the Poser moths need to be taken care of. Poser has a very bad habit of rendering clothes with holes in them. You position the body at all and the clothes just don’t go with them so you are always “darning” those holes.

You are now asking yourself why anyone would go through that much trouble. This is where it becomes so neat that us geeks love this. Look at that picture and now imagine what it would look like if the camera were in the water with Rover and looking up at the man. We don't have to imagine as we can do that angle without redoing the picture. 3D means we can do a 360 degree flyby. I can move that camera to get a view of that picture from the bell tower, from the hills, overhead, looking up from underneath the water and I don’t have to redo the picture at all. Reposition the camera and rerender the picture and wow look at that!

So there you have it 3D graphic art. As our field continues to grow and expand we will be able to do better and more realistic art. We are artists and we are proud of our work.

Computer Art

Computer generated art is a growing fields and probably one of the most misunderstood fields of art around. I turned to it in the late 90s mainly because of the arthritis in my hands. One of the biggest problems we face as computer artists is the perception that we aren't artists because we use a computer and draw from a vast array of objects that either come from the program we are using or are built by others. The 3D meshes and presets we manipulate are just as valid of tools as tubes of paints, brushes, pens, charcoal, etc. What we do with our tools is original pieces of art.

Computer artists are a very tight knit band because we do face a sometimes hostile audience. In many ways we face the same problems as the artists who started "Modern Art." It is different and that difference bothers some people. Even among fellow artists we faced a mixed reaction. Some artists scoff at what we do and some like the great Frank Lurz applaud our efforts and see us as legitimate artists.

Is what we create art? Of course it is and all of us have our own distinct style. The 3D mesh models that we use are our starting block. We then manipulate these objects with texture, reshaping, positioning and ultimately composing the pictures we make. If you take a group of graphic artists and give them the same program, same models, etc. every one of our pictures comes out different. They are all unique and just as much art as if we painted them on the canvas instead of the monitor.

In many ways graphic art is more frustrating then oil painting because with oils you can get the picture you want the first time out. To get the same picture with the computer you have so many different things to manipulate to try and get the effect you want. You are working in 3D and that presents an additional challenge. You aren't just using the artist's tricks to show perspective and tricking the eye into thinking the 2D canvas is showing a 3D picture.

So my fellow graphic artists hang in there. Just remember that people thought Salvador Dali and Picasso weren't artists when they first started out. More and more people are discovering the incredible art that we are doing on the computer. We are artists. We are good artists. The picture is "Morning Has Broken" and our computer art is at the start of day and as we progress and move forward we will be accomplishing some mind blowing art for you. Stay tuned to be amazed.

Teachers

"Your teacher can open the door, but you must enter by yourself." Chinese Proverb

I really felt like an oddball when I was in high school because I believed that school was for learning not just extra curricular activities. I was blessed with some very good teachers in grade school, high school and college. A good teacher can present mind opening possibilities to a student and inspire the student to continue to learn and explore.

One of my favorite areas of exploration is space. I get excited when I see pictures from Mars and the solar system from the probes we have sent out. I am a self admitted Treker and embrace the idea of exploring new worlds.

I am also fascinated by psychic phenomenon. My Dad left one of the best collections of books on ghosts, ESP, and psychic phenomenon around. He was a physicist yet he was also fascinated by the paranormal. I guess Halloween time is a good time to be exploring things that go bump in the night.

I am drawn to the intangible the not easily proved. I like exploring the unusual. The string theory that is now being discussed by physicists blows my mind. It is like watching all the science fiction books and movies that I have devoured over the years suddenly becoming plausible. The paranormal holds an equal fascination for me because it isn't normal and try as we may we haven't been able to force it into a rational box.

Some people can not understand why I believe in God. It is one of those things you can't explain rationally. It comes down to faith either you have it or you don't. I know in my heart God exists and loves me flawed as I am. I know I can pray to Him and He will take care of me and help me through whatever I am facing. He is helping me now.

Sometimes you just have to have faith. In my life I try to have Jesus be my techer.

Don't Break My Heart

"The enemy teaches you inner strength." Dalai Lama

I was sound asleep at midnight when my mother came into my room in a panic. It seems that little Pixie zipped out the door when she returned home from work and Mom couldn't get her to come back in. Mom was practically in tears. All's well that ends well because I heard the little jingle bell on her collar and got her out of the bushes. Mom was so afraid that the little cat would be outside in the cold all night and get pneumonia.

When poets and song writers are in their gushing mode about love and how wonderful it is they ignore the other side of love. Sometimes it hurts. Then again the torch song writers do dwell on that aspect of love.

Love is dichotomy where on the one hand it is wonderful and on the other it is painful. I loved my Dad very much but when he died it was because I loved him so much that it was so painful. I love my mother but seeing her so frail it hurts. I've loved all the cats that have entered my life but I cried when they died. I loved my ex when we met and that made the pain of the marriage disintegrating all the more painful.

Is it better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all? Of course it is. If you are afraid to open yourself up to love then you are chancing losing the greatest happiness you will ever know. I remember having this conversation with my niece when she was dating the man she eventually married. She had loved her first husband and was afraid to trust herself to fall in love again. My advice to her was to allow yourself to love again. I'm glad she did because she is gloriously happy and I got to create a Princess Bride wedding dress for her big day.

Am I taking my own advice? Slowly I guess would have to be the answer. I am cautious but I think in my heart that I could trust myself to fall in love again. I am checking out Match.com but so far I haven't found the right person but then again I haven't  had the time to really explore the profiles up there.

Coming back to Pixie she is still a kitten and doesn't understand that she is now an indoor cat. It would break my mother's heart to lose her now that she has fallen in love with the little scamp. I would have been crawling through the bushes for hours if necessary to find her and reunite her with mother because I love mom and want her happy. Mom wouldn't have been able to sleep a wink last night if Pixie hadn't been found and reunited with her. Of course the kitten would have come back on her own in the morning but it was worth losing a little sleep to make it happen earlier.

 

Speeding Up Time

"The existence of created things is the existence of God." Ibn al-"Arabi

When my niece was very young she was moaning about how long it took for Christmas to arrive and wanted to know why it took so long. I tired to explain to her that time depended on the rotation of the earth around the sun and that you can't speed it up. Her reply is in the annals of great comebacks, "You can if you get out and push." My mother is seriously talking about retiring in January. Now if I could just figure out what direction we all need to push to get this little planet of ours around the sun faster so January will get here sooner.

Thinking about this little planet of ours reminds me of an astronomy book I once read. The book was talking at one point about science and God. I can't remember the exact quote or who said it but it went on the order of if you take science all the way back and you climb that mountain to the top you are still face to face with God.

I am like my late father in the fact that I am fascinated by science and scientific theories and yet I also believe in God. I don't believe that science in any way disproves God's existence. I believe it actually is powerful proof of his existence. If you take the theory of everything being created from the primordial atom you still have to ask where did that atom come from. God is there and even if you take all the rest as evolution you still have God at the beginning. It is a mind boggling idea that God could create one atom and have it bring forth such a multitude of creation that is our universe. Wow! Now that is true genius.

I enjoy reading about science and especially astronomy because I am fascinated by space. I am highly intrigued by the String Theory of multiple universes at the moment. Black holes are another thing that I find fascinating. How does it all work? How does this wonderful creation God gave us actually work? I'm not sure scientists have it all figured out yet but I can hardly wait for the next installment of research.

The picture is "Earth Rise 2" and I would love to be able to bounce on the moon. It would take off those extra pounds I want to get rid of. Besides I want to see how high Pixie can bounce in that gravity.

If It's Tuesday It Must Be Wherever

"Peace and Harmony can prevail only when the individual is able, in the present moment, not to be uncomfortable with others." Ramesh Balsekar

"You carry heaven and hell with you." Sri Ramana Maharshi

I am recognizing the effects of the strain of a stressful job and the care of my mother over the last two years. I worry so much about her because she is so stubborn. In fact if you look up the word stubborn in the dictionary it probably has a picture of my Mom as an illustration and if it doesn’t it should. She is still working full time at age of 80 for the same stressful place that I do. She claims she is going to retire in January and it seems I’ve heard that song before and it isn’t a tune I care for. The frustrating thing is that she has enough in retirement and other places that she can live without working but she wants to make sure her children and grandchildren have money when she goes. She can’t seem to realize that we would rather she use the money on herself and be with us longer. Ironically the one thing that might make her actually retire this time is Pixie. The kitten has wormed her way into Mom’s heart and she loves being around her. This unabashed affection of a little creature may make Mom stay home and take care of her. Whatever works.

The last two day's quotes from my Oriental Wisdom calendar really resonate with me. I know right now I don’t feel peace and harmony. I feel very torn up inside and I realize I’m not dealing real well with outside problems. I am not comfortable with some people and I’m not comfortable with myself.

 

By our very nature as humans we carry both good and evil within us, both heaven and hell as the Marharshi says. For those whobelieve in the Bible this is illustrated in the Garden of Eden and Original Sin. It manifests itself in the duality of human nature. How many times have we read about someone snapping and committing great evil only to hear family and friends say that he was such a good person and they can’t believe he committed such an atrocity. They never saw it coming. Man has an infinite capacity to hide.

 

I may be more sensitive to the cruelty that man can inflict because I was a victim of such cruelty from my ex-husband. He was a man whom many people believed was the good "born again Christian." If there were ever an Academy Award for acting in real life he would win best actor hands down. He sure had a lot of people fooled. He knew how to project this meek and mild manner that was the opposite of his true self. My niece had the misfortune to marrying someone similar. “Oh what a tangled web we weave when we first we practice to deceive.” Sir Walter Scott.

 

I think Satan is having a field day with Earth any more and has entangled so many in his web. He has so many people convinced that he doesn’t exist. This denial of evil means that there is no longer in many lives a standard to judge evil by. Satan is the Father of Lies and one of his biggest lies is that neither he nor God exist. If you deny both of their existences then where do you get the moral standards to judge what is right and what is wrong? For me my life is based on the standards that my belief in God and Satan shows me what is right and what is wrong. I know God loves me and he will help me resist the evil that Satan brings. That is important to me. I also know God will forgive me when I transgress and he will continue to love me and help me be a better person.

Unconditional Love - Revised

“Place yourself as an instrument in the hands of God, who does his own work in his own way.” Baba Ram Dass

 

I have heard from several people that I am misjudging an individual and that he is not the way I have judged him. I have taken things that he meant as humor in the wrong way. For that and my rants here I am sorry. I have been under so much stress lately that I have let it cloud my judgement. I ask the forgiveness for those of you who have been subjected to my very unchristian behavior.

 

In my brief marriage I came face to face with evil. Evil has been personified through the ages as the work of Satan. The mind of man needs something concrete to grasp hence evil is Satan and good is God. I was in a situation in my marriage where it started with a step-son who was a self admitted child molester. I was warned by his psychiatrist to never be alone with him because I was in extreme danger of being sexually assaulted. He left and was taken into a foster home where he was forced to get help and by all appearances he has turned his life around. The second huge evil turned out to be his Dad, my husband. The cruelty I endured is still hard to talk about. The emotional drain left me perilously close to a complete metal and physical collapse. I was warned by my psychiatrist that I was in an abusive marriage and I needed to get out of it but that I had to be careful because he would try to kill me if I left him. As I had lived through more then one instance where I feared for my life I know she was telling me the truth. I will never forget the night I awoke in the throes of a severe asthma attack and he waited until I was almost dead before he called 911. I know the only reason he finally called them was that he would have been in trouble with the law if I had died. As it was he waited until he thought the very real possibility was there before he called.

 

I have always found solace in my art. I am willing to learn and grow with my art if people approach the criticism in a constructive manner. I am sensitive because I was told by my ex when I was working on art for a new show “why don’t you do something useful with your life and go out and baby-sit.”

 

This finally brings me to the title of this piece, unconditional love. We have been blest to have brought into our family a little black kitten whom we have named Pixie. Pixie is a little bundle of love. She will wrap herself around your feet and when you pick her up she will purr her little heart out. She gives us unconditional love. I many ways she reminds me of my cat Sasha who was also a giving and loving animal. He was also a tornado on four paws something Pixie emulates.

 

In my life there is another source of unconditional love and that is God. Even when I was angriest at God blaming him for the death of my Dad and the nasty breakup of my marriage he was still there for me. He knew that I would eventually calm down and realize that He wasn’t responsible for what happened but he would be there to help me through the heartache. The song “Put Your Hand In The Hand” has been running through my mind for the last couple of days. “Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the waters.” He has taken my hand and I am comforted to know that he will not let go of me. His strength is there to hold me up even if I falter. He is there especially if I falter and he will keep my head above the waters of despair and hatred.

Catching Up

"Place yourself as an instrument in the hands of God, who does his own work in his own way." Baba Ram Das

I have a couple of more tasks that I want to accomplish this weekend and I'll have everything caught up that I wanted to accomplish this vacation. I got 5 large bags of clothes down to Goodwill yesterday. I got rid of all the clothes that were now too big. This way I have to watch my weight in order to keep dressed.

I am still lecturing myself over yesterday's decision to drop out of my newsgroup but I am beginning to realize that it is something I should have done a year ago. If I am going to be true to my beliefs then I am going to have to act on them. I was in denial on how much hypocrisy and cruelty there was from people I wanted to be above that sort of behavior.

I discovered again that you can only change yourself, you can not change others. You can try and persuade them what the honorable thing to do is but you can only live your life not anyone else’s. It was the right decision.

Throwing in the Towel

Sometimes you need to just throw in the towel. I have exited a newsgroup that I have been a part of for years. I can not take the hypocrisy any longer. I have allowed myself to become angry and I have acted in a manner that I am not proud of. It is no longer worth it.

Right now I need to reorganize my priorities and decide what I want to do with my life. My number one priority has to be my mother and caring for her. Anything else will have to wait. I have placed a temp hold on trying to set up a website to sell my art from because I really don't have the time to dedicate to that endeavor. My art will continue to be shared here and I will try and update my website more often so that people can see the art there. I can live with that decision.

My other priority is to thank God for his forgiveness when I transgress and ask his help to make me a better person. I don't like the anger that has been surfacing lately and I want to be the type of person that God wants me to be. With his help and love I know I can do that.

Better Day

We have sunshine today which means I can actually go out and walk for a bit. I'm feeling less stressed then I did yesterday and I'm in a better state of mind.

Yesterday's plane crash that killed Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle is a very sad thing. It shows again how fleeting life can be. My heart goes out to his wife and child.

We are in the season now where nature is edging towards the cold sleep of winter. We are seeing the last hurrah of color from the changing leaves and autumn flowers. It is natures way of giving us a colorful memory before it shuts down.

For those of us who believe in God and the afterlife this is the season where we contemplate death and rebirth. We know that death is not the end. We know that we will be reborn into God's love and spend eternity in a new life with Him. It brings solace when you lose a loved one.

 

Preach

"Never has a man who has bent himself been able to make others straight." Mencius

Have you noticed that the people who preach the loudest are the ones who are incapable of following their own teachings? They talk a good line and hope that you don't catch them in their lies. I am about to abandon my favorite newsgroup because the hypocrisy is getting over whelming. Do as I say not as I do and God forbid that you call them on it.

I have had enough of one person's nasty tongue towards another poster. He has turned on me and brought back his jerk friend who disrupted the board last year. I just don't feel like dealing with their stupidity any more.

What makes people think that the rest of mankind is so stupid that they can't tell when they are being lied to and manipulated? Their rampageous egos are totally out of control. I try to provide good topics for people to talk about. I share my art with them. I try and be nice and for what? Well they can just go to blazes as far as I'm concerned.

I probably would be less frustrated today if the weather had been nice instead of stormy so I could walk the anger off. Sorry for the rant. I'll try and be calmer tomorrow. The picture is from one of my walks.

 

Why Art?

Why do we have art? Why do artists do art? Why art?

Cornell University in its web page on art focuses on several reasons as to what the purpose of art is. You can find their article here: http://char.txa.cornell.edu/art/introart.htm

What does art mean to me as an artist though? Why do I do art? Why do I spend so many hours working on a picture?

For me art is a way of expressing the thoughts and feelings that are inside of me. It is a way to create beauty or questions or whatever it is I am feeling at the time I am creating. When 9/11 hit I used my art that evening to try and deal with the horror and pain I was feeling. As a by product of that piece of art I was able to use that picture to raise money for the charities helping out at the disaster area. I was told by many people that my picture was a consolation to them at that terrible time.

My art is a way for me to talk to other people. It is a starting point in conversations. It is a way to communicate.

Sometimes I create art because I need to see beauty around me. I use my art especially in times when there is so much ugliness in the world as a consolation for myself and others. I use it as a reaffirmation that even during the darkest of times there is still beauty to be found. I know it is chic to criticize the work of Thomas Kincaid as too commercial but there is an incredible beauty to his work. I am glad his work sells so well and that so many people buy it. He is “The Painter of Light” and “it is better to light one candle then to curse the darkness.” He is bringing light into a dark world and for that I am grateful.

Art is essentially a very personal thing to each artist. We are drawn to art for various reasons. I was drawn to it because it allows me to give solid form to an over active imagination. It helps me understand myself as a person. I was drawn to it because it allows me to create beauty. It allows me to share myself with others. To all of the people through the years that have responded so well to my art I thank each and everyone of you. You are one of the reasons that I have thrown myself into my art. You have let me know that it makes you happy to see my art and the happiness of others is very important to me.

Sometimes I use my art to ask questions. My picture “The Door” asks if we imprison ourselves? Are we afraid to look at other avenues in our lives? Are we placing our own barriers?

Sometimes my art is just for fun. Sometimes I get in a silly mood and just want to play and hope others get a laugh as well.

Most of all my art is a way of sharing the talents that God gave me with others. I want to be able to bring beauty, or questions, or conversations, or humor, or solace, or whatever can help a person even if only briefly in their lives. The purpose of my art is the purpose of my life. I believe we are on this earth to help others and if my art can touch even one person in any way for the better then those long hours I put in on my craft are meaningful to me.

The picture is called "In God's Hands" and it was the picture I did the evening of 9/11.

 

Took A While

Well it took a while but I finally got the font size problem fixed. I only had to download all sorts of "fix Windows XP" and the new Internet Explorer 7 before good old AOL understood I really did not want to see everything in monga letters. Now I need to keep the kitten off the keyboard.

Speaking of said rascal she managed to escape outside today when Mom was talking to the man who was doing our gardening. Mom was a wreck until she opened the door and Pixie came back in. She had my brother bring her up to me to make sure it was our kitten since their are two other black kittens in the litter as well as one gray one. Checking her carefully I could tell it was our little Pixie who is now the proud wearer of a purple collar with a bell on it.

What was interesting about the whole escapade was Mom's reaction. She became so upset when she thought that she had lost the kitten. This comes after days of her complaining that Pixie was keeping her awake. Mom actually said that she didn't realize how much she loved the kitten until she almost lost her.

It is a sad truth of life that often we don't realize how much we love someone or something until we lose it. Sometimes, as we had today, we get a second chance at appreciating something or someone. It is a good time to look around you and see what you have and what or whom you take for granted. It is the perfect time to show someone that you still care for them.

Merlin has finally decided that pouting wasn't going to make the kitten go away and now he is asking for his normal affection. He rubs up against me and Mom and is sleeping on my bed again. Pets need affection too just like humans. They need to be told that they matter and that we care for them.

Renewal

A challenge for any computer guru reading this, Pixie walked on my Logitech Easy Internet Keyboard last night before I could grab her and somehow managed to change the font size I see on my screen for the internet to extra large. How do I change it back?

I have only today to get through at work and then I'm on vacation for a week. I can hardly wait. It will be nice to have a week off of work when I'm not sick.

I have some things I plan to accomplish during my week off. Most of them will be working on the computer doing Christmas presents. I tend to do a lot of personalized gifts for Christmas.

The war between the cats has finally settled down. Merlin isn't real happy but he is at least tolerating Pixie. He follows her all over the place. Me and my much much larger shadow.

The upcoming week will be a renewal of my inner energy. I am really burned out at work and need the break. Everyone needs to be able to take a break from the daily grind even if it is only a half hour out of the day to devote to yourself. Life will wear you down after while and if you don't take a moment now and then to recharge your batteries then you are letting yourself in for some difficult times. The body will stand stress for only so long before it becomes sick and enforces a rest. So take a few minutes for yourself each day. Take a walk. Read from a good book. Watch a little TV. Meditate. Do something just for you. It will improve your outlook on life immeasurably.

Forgiveness

If you have been following the news of the tragedy in Pennsylvania then you will have read how an Amish elder went to the family of the man who killed their children to let them know that they forgive him. It sure puts to shame the petty grudges we hold in our life doesn't it?

The other story that bothers me is the Florida Congressman and who knew of his conduct and when. I believe that a simple caution of don't email the Page anymore was totally inappropriate. The Congressman should have been made to resign immediately and get into therapy at the very first. That would have been the way to protect the other children.

It is obvious that there are serious problems in our society where children are the victims. Our children are our most precious possessions. We have them for a finite period of time and we need to take care of them and nurture them so they can grow up to be healthy and happy adults. We need to make sure that they are not preyed upon by outside forces that could corrupt or damage them.

As a society we need to stop and take a good look at what is happening. What are the forces that are corrupting people that allow them to think of life is so worthless that they can victimize others? While I am a strong advocate of free speech and freedom of expression I also believe that we should take care that material that is inappropriate for children be kept from them until they have the maturity to understand it. I have grave doubts about the proliferation of violent video games that teach our children how to kill and maim as many opponents as they can in guise of fun. I would much rather see our children have to deal with challenging games such as Myst where they have to use their brains to solve the puzzles. I would suggest to game makers that they take a real good look at the games they put out. Are they just shoot them up games or are they something young people can use to challenge their minds rather then just their wrists.

There are too many dead children right now and we as a society need to find out why and discover what we are going to do to really change the society we live in so that all children can be safe. We need to find out what is corrupting the souls of so many people. Knee jerk restrictions are not the answer. Finding what is causing the rot and getting to the real core of the problem and solving it is what is needed.

The picture is called "Storytime" and is the cover art of my short story series. A series in which I go into the nature of good and evil and how to fight the evil.

Brief Candle

It is hard to reconcile that Sunday was Life Day for the Catholic Churches of the world and Monday brought the horror of children's death in the Amish community. We have Amish in the state I live in. They are a peaceful nonviolent people who live their lives apart under their teachings of how God wants them to live. They are a deeply religious people and that faith will see them through this tragedy.

Yesterday showed the effects of not letting go of anger and keeping a grudge within your heart. It is hard to comprehend how anyone could let a 20 year old grudge drive them to murder innocent young girls. It shows again how easy it is to obtain instruments of death in our culture.

If we learn anything at all from yesterday's tragedy we need to learn the destructive power of hate. Hate is an emotion that eats at your soul and can turn you from a human being into a monster. Hatred destroys a person's humanity. If you have hatred and anger in your life today is the day to work on overcoming the hate and finding the will to forgive. There is no shame in seeking professional help to overcome problems in life. If the killer yesterday had sought help for the 20 year old grudge there would not be families grieving today. If you can't overcome the problems by yourself then get someone to help you.

For the Amish families dealing with the death of their daughters, sisters, nieces, friends my heart and prayers go out to you.

Life

"To err and not reform, this may indeed be called error." Confucius

Yesterday was Life Day in the Catholic churches around the world. In his sermon our Pastor reflected on life and the treatment of life in our society. He spoke about treating all life with dignity. I am currently trying to type around two pounds of mischievous life in the form of Pixie who is fascinated by the computer and keeps stepping on the keyboard and trying to catch the "mouse" cursor on the screen..

Father Steve had mentioned politics and the name calling and behavior on both sides of any question. It brings up some serious questions about man and our behavior. At what point do we become what we condemn?

Take the Congressman who sent explicit emails to a teenaged Page for example. If the leadership of his party knew about it for months why didn't they do something to stop him and remove him from a position to be able to harass children? Is his seat so important that they were justified in supporting him by their silence? Wouldn't it had been better to force him to resign and get someone else to run in his place?

One of the things we prayed for was the treatment of prisoners. There has been a lot of talk about the Geneva Convention. This is what it is all about. http://www.unhchr.ch/html/menu3/b/91.htm

Their are people in our government who want to ignore this agreement in their "war on terror." Colin Powell is a man that I respect and he argues that we must keep this convention. It can be argued that the other side does not keep the rules set down by Geneva. Does this justify our not keeping it? If we behave in the manner that breaks the agreement aren't we just as guilty of inhumanity towards our fellow man as the other side? If we act in the same manner they do don't we become them?

At some point politicians and commentators of both sides of the political situation are going to have to stop and realize that they have to uphold standards of decency that apply to all men. The mud slinging, name calling, cover ups of immoral actions, lies and deception have got to stop. As the study by Intelligence has shown we are now more vulnerable to terrorists attacks then we have ever been. Isn't it time we took a real good look at what we are doing and change our behavior so that we are not hated and reviled? How can we expect moderate Muslim leaders to come to our defense if we don't act in a civilized manner towards all?

We need to respect life, all life, even our enemies lives. If we can't act with respect ourselves then we can't demand that others respect us. We need to lead by example. That is what I am looking for in the upcoming election. The candidates who want my vote better be prepared to respect life and show me by how they speak and lead their lives that they have the respect for life that I am looking for. They will have to earn my vote.

The picture is called "Meeting of the Minds." Many years ago the late Steve Allen had a show with that name where he brought in actors who portrayed various historical or literary figures discussing modern topics. You would have Genghis Khan and Emily Dickinson together for example. The picture is a tribute to that fascinating show.

 

Sunday Meanderings

Okay so Mom has taught Pixie how to stand up and beg for turkey. Someone needs to tell Pixie she is a cat and not suppose to do things like that. Then again if it makes Mom happy to think her kitten can be so cute I guess it doesn't hurt anything.

Friday turned out to be a comedy of errors where my back pay was concerned. I looked at my pay stub and no back pay even though there is a sheet telling me all about my back pay. Turns out they put it on my brother's pay stub instead of mine. So they had to cancel his automatic pay and issue a check to him for his regular pay and me for my back pay. Of course that means I had to drive 28 miles to get to the nearest branch of my bank to deposit the check. Sigh.

I stocked up on computer supplies while I was out Saturday but for the second year in a row Staples isn't carrying the calendar kits. Grrr! That means if I want to give calendars as gifts I'll have to order the kits on line. I sure miss real stores that carry what I need and real PBS stations while I'm at it.

The rest of the day will be spent getting clothes ready for work next week and probably just relaxing. I may design the calendar for next year or I may just wait until week after next when I'm on vacation.

The picture is called "Autumn Nap" which is also a possibility for this afternoon.