Unconditional Love - Revised

“Place yourself as an instrument in the hands of God, who does his own work in his own way.” Baba Ram Dass

 

I have heard from several people that I am misjudging an individual and that he is not the way I have judged him. I have taken things that he meant as humor in the wrong way. For that and my rants here I am sorry. I have been under so much stress lately that I have let it cloud my judgement. I ask the forgiveness for those of you who have been subjected to my very unchristian behavior.

 

In my brief marriage I came face to face with evil. Evil has been personified through the ages as the work of Satan. The mind of man needs something concrete to grasp hence evil is Satan and good is God. I was in a situation in my marriage where it started with a step-son who was a self admitted child molester. I was warned by his psychiatrist to never be alone with him because I was in extreme danger of being sexually assaulted. He left and was taken into a foster home where he was forced to get help and by all appearances he has turned his life around. The second huge evil turned out to be his Dad, my husband. The cruelty I endured is still hard to talk about. The emotional drain left me perilously close to a complete metal and physical collapse. I was warned by my psychiatrist that I was in an abusive marriage and I needed to get out of it but that I had to be careful because he would try to kill me if I left him. As I had lived through more then one instance where I feared for my life I know she was telling me the truth. I will never forget the night I awoke in the throes of a severe asthma attack and he waited until I was almost dead before he called 911. I know the only reason he finally called them was that he would have been in trouble with the law if I had died. As it was he waited until he thought the very real possibility was there before he called.

 

I have always found solace in my art. I am willing to learn and grow with my art if people approach the criticism in a constructive manner. I am sensitive because I was told by my ex when I was working on art for a new show “why don’t you do something useful with your life and go out and baby-sit.”

 

This finally brings me to the title of this piece, unconditional love. We have been blest to have brought into our family a little black kitten whom we have named Pixie. Pixie is a little bundle of love. She will wrap herself around your feet and when you pick her up she will purr her little heart out. She gives us unconditional love. I many ways she reminds me of my cat Sasha who was also a giving and loving animal. He was also a tornado on four paws something Pixie emulates.

 

In my life there is another source of unconditional love and that is God. Even when I was angriest at God blaming him for the death of my Dad and the nasty breakup of my marriage he was still there for me. He knew that I would eventually calm down and realize that He wasn’t responsible for what happened but he would be there to help me through the heartache. The song “Put Your Hand In The Hand” has been running through my mind for the last couple of days. “Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the waters.” He has taken my hand and I am comforted to know that he will not let go of me. His strength is there to hold me up even if I falter. He is there especially if I falter and he will keep my head above the waters of despair and hatred.