Listen to the Heart

"It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act. There are two aspects to action. One is to overcome the distortions and afflictions of your own mind, that is, in terms of calming and eventually dispelling anger. This is action out of compassion. The other is more social, more public. When something needs to be done in the world to rectify wrongs, if one is really concerned with benefiting others, one needs to be engaged, involved." Dalai Lama

Ironically I read that quote from the Dalai Lama yesterday before I went to work. Something happened at work to reinforce what he was saying. We had a customer come in who was very upset over her bill. The lady who took over my position when I moved on to another was "handling" the problem. I intervened when it became obvious that she didn't know the answers to the problem. I walked her through what needed to be done but she eventually left it to me to deal with the distraught woman. The answer to the discrepancy in the bill isn't important. What is important is the fact that my coworker was unable to see that there was a bigger problem that caused the woman to be so upset. I solved the problem with the cooperation of our boss.

The real problem came from the fact that my coworker had talked to the woman on the phone the previous day and was focusing only on the bottom line of this much was owed. She was incapable of sensing that there was a deeper issue. My coworker didn't investigate the problem correctly in order to give the lady the answer to what was going on. This caused the lady to hang up on her and come in the next day even more upset then when she originally called. My coworker focused on her own anger rather then listening to the customer. My coworker is infamous for her little "my feelings are hurt" routine if anyone tries to correct her when she makes a mistake. By focusing solely on herself she was incapable of focusing on the customer.

The amount the lady was questioning was not that great so what was the real root of the problem? I started out with her by being at my calmest and really listening to her not just with my ears and mind but with my heart. She was radiating waves of hurt. It turned out that her husband is dying and she is overwhelmed with bills, emotions, and fear. By focusing on her I was able to get to the root of the problem and understand why this small amount became so big in her eyes. My boss saw it too and since the mistake was on our end she forgave the rest of the debt.

I gave the woman, who was a total stranger, hugs, Kleenex for her tears, and someone to listen and give her comfort and understanding. The woman started apologizing and I let her know that it was all right. I understood why she was really upset.

One thing I have learned over the years in dealing with people is that you have to listen with more then your ears. Your eyes can see the body language of the other person. Your ears can listen to the tone of voice and your mind analyze the choice of words. It is only when you allow yourself to be empathetic and listen with your heart that you can really understand what someone else is saying.

My boss asked me later if I was all right and I assured her that I was fine. I told her that the customer needed a hug and Kleenex and someone to listen. My boss just smiled and I could tell she understood what I was saying.

The difference between hearing and listening is a matter of focus. When you hear you are focusing on yourself and what you are feeling. When you listen you are focusing on the other person and understanding what they are feeling. Listen with your heart.

The real counter is 5265.