Huh?

 

I guess I confused some people over on my Prisoner newsgroup with my last picture. The picture was more allegorical then most and I should have explained what I meant. They really were thinking "what the heck does this lady mean by this picture?"

A little background as to where my mind was at when I did Ghost Ship. My mother is very soft hearted and had been feeding a couple of stray cats outside while we endeavored to find homes for them. One of them showed up with three little kittens. The morning of the day I did the picture my mother found one of the babies had been killed by a raccoon and she was devastated. I think that the death of the kitten and trying to comfort my Mom was the reason that the cemetery picture jumped out at me.

One of the things I love about the Prisoner is that it can be looked at from more then one level. Taking a literal interpretation of the show I felt that the cemetery showed that the warders believed that once they got someone to the Village they were there until they died. If you believe, like I do, that there is a spirit that survives after the physical body dies then the prisoners in that cemetery are now free of the Village and can take that ghost ship and leave the Village. So in the end they have triumphed and the Village no longer has control over them.

 

The second way to look at it is as an allegory where we make our own prisons or village with our fears, hatred, prejudices, anything that can keep us from achieving our full potential as a human being. It is only when we overcome those things that we impose on ourselves that we are free. In that case the cemetery would stand for our “killing” those self limitations and freeing ourselves to sail away into freedom and achieving our full potential. I use Rover in this case as a symbol of our fears. You might notice that he doesn’t cast a shadow because he isn’t solid or real in a philosophical sense. He is like the Id monster in Forbidden Planet.

 

The real counter is 5536.

Ghost Ship

 

"All beings are one even though they are not aware of this ... all come from one soul, and are part of the soul." The Upanishads

I have been thinking lately about death and how it comes to us all. What has prompted the thoughts is the frailness of my mother and the knowledge that I don't know how much longer we are going to have her. I have seen the deterioration over the two and a half years that I have been living with her. Also living in the same house with all of its reminders of my Dad I have been thinking of him and how much I miss him.

Knowing how much death affects those who remain behind I found myself more then a little outraged by the exchange between Elizabeth Edwards and Ann Coulter. Coulter's wish that John Edwards had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot is reprehensible. This is the same woman who blasts widows of men killed in 9/11 as enjoying their husband's deaths. The same woman who wished 9/11 had taken out the editors and writers of the New York Times.

Ann Coulter uses inflammatory language and sleazy photographs to build her reputation. She decries "godless" liberals yet wants innocent people dead. Somehow I doubt Ms. Coulter has any idea what a relationship with God is truly about. Certainly her grasp of the 10 commandments is shaky at best. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not bear false witness.

There is a place in politics for debates on the issues but Ms. Coulter prefers to enhance her "reputation" as being controversial rather then showing any intelligent debating skills. I find the woman utterly and totally reprehensible. The bitterness, bigotry, and vileness that comes out of her mouth make her extremely ugly and all the peroxide, heavy makeup, and low cut miniskirts in the world will not change that.

As today's quote says we are all part of one soul. We are all part of the God that made us. Jesus told us that what you do unto the least of your brethren you do undo Him. Remember that Ms. Coulter. Your words are not only against politicians you despise they are against people that are made in God's image. Your words against them are words against Him. I'll keep you in my prayers.

The real counter is 5529.

At the Movies

I love movies of all kinds from musicals to drama to science fiction to comedy. Some movies I will watch over and over again. There is something special about them that makes me want to see them more then once.

One of my favorite movies is Casablanca. It is such a beautiful love story. I'll only watch the black and white version because the colorized just doesn't look right. There are so many great performances to watch. Much of the same cast was in The Maltese Falcon another great classic.

A couple of films that I found very powerful were Z and Schindler's List. Z was the story of a political assassination and the late Yves Montand gave an extraordinary performance. Schindler's List had an equally brilliant performance by Liam Neeson, one of my favorite actors. The scene where he was agonizing over whether he could have saved more people brings tears to my eyes. The ending of the movie where you see the actual descendents of the people Schindler saved really brings home the movie. It is so beautiful.

I am a huge fan of Kenneth Branagh, especially his Shakespeare films. The masterful delivery of the "once more into the breech" speech in Henry V stays with you. He has a scene near the end of the film where they are walking through the battlefield that is riveting. There is no dialog and none is needed. The visuals say it all. I remember being absolutely stunned by the time Hamlet ended. It is rare to see the entire play done but this version is one of the best ever. There wasn't a single performance that wasn't top rate. Shakespeare at his best.

It isn't surprising that science fiction and fantasy films are high on my list. The scene is 2001: A Space Odyssey where the ape has discovered how to use tools and is using a bone as a hammer and lets it fly into the air where it transforms into a space ship is awesome. It is one of those scenes where you can replay it in your mind. When I first saw Star Wars with the opening shots where you see the small ship fly by and then this monster of a ship filled the scene I knew I was going to be in for the ride of my life. In ET at the end of the movie when his finger glows and he points to Elliot’s head and says "I'll be right here" I found myself wiping away tears. It was so poignant.

My favorite film however has to be Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. I have watched all nine plus  hours over and over again. Everything about the movies worked for me. It was so superbly cast that I can't even imagine any other actors in the parts. Visually it is one of the most stunning movies ever made and I would love to go down to New Zealand and see that country for myself now.

Ah yes the movies I just love them. The picture is called The Gate and is based on another geek favorite movie called Stargate.

The real counter is 5524

Words

"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle." Kahlil Gibran

"From the very core of our being we desire contentment. For harmony, each individual's identity must be fully respected." Dalai Lama

Two days. Two different people. Two sets of words. Two different reactions.

From a response that was rude and condenscending. Totally different from how I approach things. I am willing to teach what I know and I do so in a way that does not make the other person feel stupid. In fact I go out of my way to make sure that I am not condescending in any way when I pass on what I know. You have to respect the fact that a person asking for answers is feeling a bit stupid and out of sorts with themselves because they don't know something. Knowledge needs to be passed on in a way that the person learning can feel good about it and they can say to themselves, "hey that's neat I just learned something new." You don't want the person to feel "man I'm so stupid, why didn't I know that."

This morning my Mom was upset because her car was making "funny noises." She was dead tired, hadn't slept well, had a horrible night at work, and was feeling sick on top of everything else. The man who cares for the cars said to run the car over and he would check it out. I told Mom I'd do that and she should go back to bed. She gave me a big hug and said, "I really appreciate you." Four simple little words that make me feel on top of the world.

When we use words to let a person know that we care about them, we appreciate them, we understand what they are saying then we are using words at their best. Words are used to communicate and how we use them communicates what type of person we are. If you use arrogance in your words then you show the world you are an arrogant person. If you show compassion and understanding in your words you show the world what a beautiful person you are. My Mom is very beautiful.

Mom was commenting on the picture I took last night of the rose and how much she loved it. It was so real looking she said that she felt should could reach in and pluck it from the paper. That is a beautiful image in words isn't it?

The real counter is 5518.

Monday Go Round the Mulberry Bush

 

"Quiet the outgoing mental restlessness and turn the mind within. Then you will see the underlying harmony in your life and in all nature." Paramahansa Yogananda

"Helping others is not limited to providing food, shelter, and so forth but includes relieving the basic causes of suffering and providing the basic causes of happiness." Dalai Lama

Two beautiful thoughts to start out a new week. We had rain most of the weekend so it was the type of weekend where you stay home and can do some thinking. I did a new picture called After the Rain and notice who is splashing in the water puddles and who is keeping his feet dry. ;-)

I read before going to bed each night and I enjoy a magazine called Women's World because it does have uplifting stories in it and some good recipes and cute cake decorating ideas. I've noticed lately that they have a had a couple of articles on meditation as a way of relieving stress. It is something that I discovered many years ago and at night I will meditate and do deep relaxing exercises. It is when I am at my most calm that the creative ideas come to me as far as my art and writing go.

The Dalai Lama quote reminded me of last night with my mother. My brother had been rude enough to mention to her that I had a better way with Rascal then she did. It is something mother has acknowledged but still it is something she is a bit sensitive about. Rascal is the more hyper of the two kittens and he was the one on the first night that we started taking them in that I held. I have had cats continuously for almost 40 years and know what to do with frightened kittens. Mom is very gentle but she isn't as cat savvy as I am but she is learning. The more mellow Marshmallow is perfect for her to hold.

It pointed out the importance of, as my Dad would say, of putting your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion. My brother wouldn't hurt my Mom for the world but tact isn't one of his strong points. Mom feels bad that Rascal isn't as forthcoming with her as he is with me and feels she is doing something wrong. She isn't of course and Rascal will come around to her.

So my hope for today is to try and remember to be a little more careful in what I say. By our words we can give happiness or we can hurt someone. Happiness is what we should be striving for.

The real counter is 5511.

Suddenly Sunday

 

"The whole world has now become like one family, almost like one body. So some destruction of some other part of the world is actually destruction of yourself." Dalai Lama

We have been successful in getting the remaining two kittens into the safety of the side porch at night. Momma cat, once she realized that her babies were safe, decided that she is fine with them being in at night. Mom and I held the kittens for a while last night so that they would get use to people. The gray one we are calling Rascal because he is a little devil. The fawn colored Siamese we are calling Marshmallow because she is so chubby she looks like a toasted marshmallow with legs. She is extremely docile and sweet natured. Knowing that we can protect the remaining two babies has calmed mother down quite a bit.

I turned again to my art yesterday in order to calm myself down. The end result was the picture Flights of Fantasy. I ended up getting out of bed twice and going to the computer to add elements to the picture. The first thing I added was the cats. It was inspired by my Mom who told me that I had a magical way with cats because I could get Rascal to actually settle down on my lap and behave. The second element I got up and added was the monarch butterfly who in my mind will always be associated with my Dad.

I took Mom to Mass yesterday and will do her shopping today. Her bad hip is really bothering her again and I told her to take it easy that I can handle the shopping by myself. I'll also take care of doing the laundry and whatever else she wants done.

Again I am impressed with the wisdom of the Dalai Lama. If we are to survive in this world we need to learn that we are all interconnected. Protecting the remaining two kittens is our way of connecting with the something greater then ourselves. We are trying to do our part to honor the sanctity of life and protect the helpless and innocent. It is on a small scale but still we are trying to do our part. We had also contributed money to the Hands Together Mission in Haiti at church yesterday. You can find information about them here. http://www.handstogether.org/aboutus/ They could really use our help.

The song Circle of Life from The Lion King says:

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

We are all a part of that circle of life and we need to do our part to help others along the way.

The real counter is 5504

Saturday Such As It Is

 

"It is only change that is at work here." I Ching

My Mom is still extremely shook up. Yesterday she discovered that the raccoon that we keep chasing away killed one of the kittens. She found it on the back porch ripped open with its intestines hanging out. Mom was in tears most of the day. I'm glad she didn't have to work because she was too broken up. We secured the other two kittens for the night on the side porch. We tried to get momma cat to come in but she kept running off. We are going to let the babies out with momma during the day and keep them on the side porch at night until my boss gets back to take all of them. What makes it so frustrating is that there was food out and there was no reason for that raccoon to kill the kitten. It reminded me of how some humans act with extreme cruelty.

Mom is also afraid she may have had a mini stroke because she was very shaky and having trouble with her legs last night. It is very possible because I have never seen her look so frail and I had to help her up and down a step. I have to get that woman to quit work. She has the money to retire and needs to use it for herself and not worry about leaving money to her kids and grandchildren. She has to think about herself for a change.

It is a rainy gloomy day here which fits with the mood of the house. I am going to spend time cleaning the upstairs and mother is resting. I'll work on some art this evening. I need it to pull me out of the funk I feel right now. The picture is called Sorrow.

The real counter is 5497

Freaky Friday

 

"Though we may take various roads, all are on the way." Swami Vivekananda

There are some stories that are just so plain weird that no matter how you try you can’t wrap your mind around them and make them make sense. Isaiah Washington is one of those. The man is talented as an actor but personally is one big mess. He makes vile homophobic slurs against a coworker. Forces the man to admit he is gay which will now cause him problems in his field as an actor because that is what Hollyweird will now focus on. He attacks another Patrick Dempsey who objected to his slurs against TR Knight. He interrupts the Emmy awards to declare that he didn't say the word faggot in regards to TR when it had been fully documented that he had. He gets all of his coworkers upset and now he thinks they should have fired TR Knight for "exploiting the situation" when he started the whole mess with his homophobia and he has damaged TR Knight’s future as an actor. And we are supposed to believe you are a changed man why?

I spent last night trying to get help for my niece from a debt collector trying to collect a debt that isn't hers. Fortunately I found a ton of real good information and she sent me a copy of the letter she sent them which should get them off of her back. These guys were quite obviously on a fishing expedition and there is no way the debt is hers.

Tonight is a sad night for Geeks everywhere as the last episode of Stargate SG-1 is on and the Atlantis cliff hanger. Of course we will get a straight to video to answer the Ori ark plus a bonus new story but after 10 years we will miss our show. At least we have Doctor Who to look forward to and they are now filming Season Two of Heroes.

In sticking with the weird theme this is my newest Prisoner picture based on the classic Twilight Zone episode where the man is trying to convince his fellow passengers that a monster is eating the wing of the plane. Rover is just having Lunch here.

The real counter is 5491.

Summertime

 

"Do not imagine that anyone can have true faith in God who has not faith in himself." Paramananda

It is officially summertime with the Summer Solstice hitting today. If the calendar doesn't tell you it is summer then look out at the brown lawns because of the lack of rain.  Hot, dry and dusty out where I live. Somehow the lilies are still managing to keep up their yellow through red colors to brighten things up though.

Two sports figures are going to be starting this summer with baby girls. Golfer Tiger Woods has a new daughter and so does NASCAR drive Jeff Gordon. Hmmmm I see a new generation of female sports heroes coming up. Sounds good to me.

While summer doesn't rank as my favorite season since I sunburn so easily I don't mind it that much. Of course summer is easier to cope with when the humidity stays low and doesn't climb like it does out here in the Midwest sometimes. I like to walk in the evenings and back permitting I'll probably be out this evening. The old back and neck have been enflamed for several days now and hopefully the prednisone will do something about it soon.

I love today's quote because it points out the importance of remembering that we are made in God's image and if we can't respect ourselves and others then we can't truly respect God. It is something that those who proclaim prejudice and hatred of others who are different while doing so in "God's name" don't understand. All of us regardless of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, political persuasion, etc. are made in God's image. We are all part of him and when you condemn another for whatever reason you are condemning God. You can not truly love God if you profess hatred towards one of his creatures.

The picture is called Guardian of Summer.

The real counter is 5484.

Too Cute

 

"Less judgment, less trying, less improvement, less regret." Kazuaki Tanahashi

We got a surprise last night when one of the cats we have been trying to capture to give to my boss out in the country brought three little kittens with her to the food bowls. One is a gray tiger stripe and two are fawn colored with light gray on their little faces, feet and tails. Sort of Siamese but gray instead of brown. Gee we thought "Whiskers" was a male. The kittens are absolutely adorable and pudgy little things. They are in the waddling stage sort of like a baby trying to walk with a diaper on. They are just too cute. I wonder how many cats we can talk my boss into taking. Just think our little Pixie is an Aunt.

It was another sleepless night last night. I could not find a comfortable position where my neck wasn't hurting. It was too late to take a sleeping pill by the time I realized I wasn't going to be able to sleep. I hate nights like that.

Today's quote is interesting and shows the difference between Eastern and Western philosophies. Here in the West we look on "less" as if it were a dirty word. Everything has to be stuffed full. Every minute of our day seems to be scheduled with something. Every square inch of our homes is full of stuff. There isn't any empty spaces. We are never satisfied and always want more.

I am like my mother in a way and tend to make due with things. As long as something is working okay I stick with it. The new computer my brother made will be my first new computer in almost seven years. I am looking forward to using it however and am very grateful that he is giving it to me.

One of the things I do when I get under a lot of stress is meditate. I relax all the parts of my body and "feel" the tension flow away from me leaving quiet in its place. I visualize a place where there is nothing but nature. I fill myself with the emptiness. Sometimes less brings more peace to a soul.

The real counter is 5473.

Childhood

 

"Happiness in comfort is not real happiness; when you can be happy in the midst of hardship, then you see the true potential of the mind." Huanchu Daoren

I added a new picture to my Guardian series last night, Guardian of Childhood. I was reading this morning that Tiger Woods and his wife have just become parents of a baby girl. Good timing on their part. ;-) Tiger was saying how this little girl is now the most important thing in the world to him and how it may affect his golf game. He definitely has his priorities straight.

Like many I have read the heart breaking story of the missing little girl named Madelyn. While my heart aches for her parents I can't help but wonder what in the world they thought they were doing leaving a four year old and two, two year olds alone while they went to dinner. Their are too many evil people in this world to not keep your children protected. I know that sometimes it is difficult to find a babysitter but leaving small children alone is never an option. Teach your children manners and take them to dinner with you. Find a kid friendly restaurant.

I see a lot of children these days with all the latest mechanical gadgets and “in” clothes. What I don't see is a lot of children with good manners or any sense of appreciation. Their are too many kids out there who feel the world owes them stuff. Wrong! No one owes them the latest video game system.

One of my pet peeves is parents who take children to the store with them and let the kids scream and carry on because they want something. If a child is taught right from the beginning that you need to behave then you wouldn't see that disruption of everyone else's shopping experience. If you can't teach your children to behave in public then get a babysitter and leave them home. Other people don't need to witness your failure as a parent. I realize that there are circumstances where it isn’t the parent's fault. My niece has a child with Aspergers and sometimes he can’t control his behavior. I am talking about children who are just plain brats and there is no medical reason for their behavior.

Children are our most valuable resource and we need to cherish them. We also need to teach them self discipline, manners and values. Spoiling a child rotten is not being a good parent. Teaching a child to be a decent human being and how to care for others is what makes a parent a good one. A child needs to be taught how to make it in this scary world.

The real counter is 5463.

Hot!

 

"Sense of duty is out of attachment. Sense of responsibility is out of love." Maa Purnananda

Our temperatures are going to hit 96° today. Where I work will either be scorching or freezing depending on where you are usually within a few feet of each other. They can not manage to get the temperature regulated at that place. Makes it difficult to know how to dress.

We could really use some rain as the state is about ready to blow away. The grass is a lovely shade of dust bowl brown. Yuck! Some of the summer flowers are hanging in there. Mother was happy her golden ones are still making it in spite of no rain. The lilies are still blooming all over town with the shades from pale peach to bright red-orange. http://members.aol.com/michelespoetry/more_summer_flowers.htm

I don't mind heat so much as long as it is a dry heat. It is when the humidity climbs to the same point as the temperature that I start to melt. I'm hoping that the heat will help the arthritis. I got bad news on that front the other day when the neck x-ray showed significant disc degeneration and arthritis is discs C3 through C7. Explains the constant headaches and sore neck doesn't it?

Today's quote reminds me of one of my favorite books The Little Prince by Antoine D'Experey. It is a simple little book with a profound meaning. The little prince comes down to earth to try and find someone who will give him a sheep in a box to protect his flower that is unique to all the world. Along theway he discovers his flower is a rose and not unique. It is when he realizes that because it is his flower and he has taken responsibility for it that it is special and not like other flowers because he loves it.

Pets get that way for people. I'm sure a stranger looking at Merlin would say he is overweight and grouchy. Nothing special about him. Pixie is a little black cat with spots, cute maybe but so what. To me however because I have taken responsibility for them and care for them they are unique and special. Merlin is a long time companion. He can be infuriating and loveable often within a couple of minutes. He loves me and counts on me to care for him. We have a special bond. Pixie is a rascal and a half but the joy I see on my mother's face more then makes up for the mess the little monkey makes. Currently I'm trying to convince the little minx that the solids go inside the litter box. Sheesh.

My care for my mother is a responsibility that I have taken on. It is an expression of my love for her. She cared for me all her life and now she needs me and I am there for her.

What is unique and special in your life are the people and animals and things that give meaning to your life. They are the things that you are willing to give yourself for.

The real counter is 5454.

Father's Day Memories

Father's Day is always a difficult day for me since my Dad is no longer here. I realized that it has been affecting my mood for a week or so.

It was while working on my pictures last night that I realized why I was so frustrated with the one I had been working on. I knew what was wrong with it when I figured out what I really wanted was something for my Dad. Dad and I took a trip once where we were able to go behind a waterfall. While I was trying to do that picture I had been putting elements in that didn't jive with my memory from the time Dad and I saw the incredible sight. Once I redid the picture and put in things closer to what my memories of the actual place were then everything fell into place.

Dad always loved Father's Day because all of his children and grandchildren would call and he would get cards and presents. He was like a little kid.

So Daddy Happy Father's Day. I miss you. I hope you like the new picture I did for you. It is called Behind the Falls.

The actual counter is 5449.

Slumbering Saturday

 

"Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care and kindness of our parents and then later on in our life when we are oppressed by sickness and become old, we are again dependent on the kindness of others. Since at the beginning and end of our lives we are so dependent on others' kindness, how can it be that in the middle we neglect kindness toward others?" Dalai Lama

I have to wonder if people who make bigoted and hateful remarks towards and about others knew how ugly it makes them appear would they still do it? Are they so wrapped up in their own world of darkness that they can not see how they appear to others? I can't understand why anyone would want to make themselves so ugly.

I was pondering this and dreams and other things during the long night when I couldn't get to sleep. Merlin didn't help any since he had a bad case of the whines and insisted on telling me all his problems. You are a pampered indoor cat whose every needs are catered to how bad can you have it?

One of the things I was thinking of last night was what a blessing it is to have a rich imagination. I love using my mind and letting it take flights of fancy. I was watching my Geek shows last night, Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis. I was writing stories for the show last night when I realized I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. I enjoy taking something that is already out there and expanding it. It is an intellectual exercise that I enjoy.

I am working on a new challenge that goes back to something I did many years ago. I am trying to design a set and lighting for a hypothetical play. I haven't done that since college and it is amazing how much I remember about how to do it. It is the thrill of an intellectual challenge that I am enjoying.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste. The brain has a function other then keeping your ears from running into each other. Nothing should be set in stone so that it can't be at least thought about or discussed on an intellectual level especially in the arts. Art in whatever form it takes should never be static. Art is fluid and should flow in many different directions. I make a distinction between my art and my photography. If all you are looking for is an actual reproduction of something go look at my photographs. I try to make then as artistically pleasing as I can but they are still snapshots of things that you can go look at in real life. My art is often inspired by photographs or images of real places however that is only a starting point for me. I have the freedom to change and alter the reality so my art fits what I am trying to express. I don't care in the angle of the sun in the real place is different, if it doesn't fit my vision that sun is moving. I am not doing a photograph. I am doing an art piece.

The picture is called Fly Away and that is my imagination in the ship. We are soaring and flying to places that we can only reach through the mind.

The real counter is 5445.

Fumpy Friday

"Whenever there is a touch of color, a note of a song, grace in a form, this is a call to our love." Rabindranath Tagore

So Friday finally made it. It's about time. It sure took it long enough, almost as long as it took me to wake up this morning. I really didn't want to get up and even now I'm upright only because I have to be not by choice.

I'm a little frustrated with an art piece I'm working on. It just isn't coming out and I'm not sure what to do with it. The original idea is good the frustration is just trying to get the  computer to give me what I want. I’m after something unusual and it isn’t sure how to achieve what I need.

It is Geek Night on television. I hate to tell the people at Sci-Fi this but you are running out of time if you are going to get this Ori story finished up on Stargate SG-1. At least tonight's episode looks like it will further the story along a bit. Atlantis is finally bringing back the wraith now if they can get the focus off of McKay whom I can't stand I would be happier.

I'm hoping to walk some more tonight if I can get my blasted headache to go away. There are some new flowers in bloom that I would like to get some pictures of. Maybe being out in nature will give me an inspiration as to what to do with the picture.

Speaking of pictures I've been asked to take a crack at designing a stage over in my newsgroup. This brings together my theatre degree plus the art so it is exciting. We are speculating on how a stage production of the last two shows could be handled. An interesting challenge to be sure. It is gratifying however to be asked to be a part of the whole discussion. The acceptance and respect really feel good.

The real counter is 5434.

Masks

 

"I will cease to live as a self and will take as my self my fellow-creatures." Shantideva

It was during one of those twilight moments between waking and sleeping that a thought popped into my head. We all wear masks. It is the only way to survive in this world. I'm not sure where the thought came from or why but I have been wondering about it. I believe that is true.

I don't think we consciously set out to deceive people but I believe that in order to protect ourselves we do not show our true selves to the world very often. Oh we let the world see a glimpse of the real us but the hidden part stays hidden for its own protection.

I often feel I show a braver face on the outside then I ever feel on the inside. I will take on bigotry which I hate. I will rail against the ill manners that are prevalent in our Internet age of hiding behind aliases. While those are beyond a doubt my true beliefs I often feel scared inside that I even bring the topics up. At heart all I really want is peace and people to be nice to each other. I guess at heart I should be called Pollyanna.

Their is also a temper inside that generally I try and hide. I get irritated that Mom doesn't take better care of herself but I'm not about to get angry at her although inside Iam riling. I have to be as quietly persuasive as I can. I promised to care for her in her declining years and I will make them as peaceful as possible. It is one of the reasons I refrain from yelling at my older brother who has no common sense. As long as he stays off of politics we can coexist peacefully.

So I'll finish my coffee and head back to the zoo with my happy mask on. The picture is called Masquerade.

The real counter is 5428.

Past Present

 

"You see, the past is past and the future is yet to come. That means the future is in your hands - the future entirely depends on the present. That realization gives you great responsibility." Dalai Lama

The present is easier to cope with if you have had a good night's sleep which I finally did last night. I occasionally have one of those nights were I wake up and can not get back to sleep and after two nights of those I took one of the sleeping pills the doctor gave me and just slept. Not even the kitties could wake me up this time.

Tying into yesterday's journal entry I was reading that the Dalai Lama was in Australia and met our little Bindi Irwin. She had a koala bear for him to pet. The Dalai Lama again spoke of reverence for life, all life. He really is an incredible man.

Someone who is making a mockery of humanity however and showing mankind at its worse is that judge suing those immigrant dry cleaner owners for 54 million dollars over a pair of pants. It doesn't cost this jerk a cent to misuse the legal system. Come on leaving the courtroom in tears over a pair of blue and maroon pants? Sounds like all of his taste is in his mouth.

I think today's quote should be printed out and given to people who constantly moan about "if only I had." I could a been a contender. We don't have any way of knowing that if we had changed something in the past that our lives would have been totally different. For all we know if we had done certain actions our lives could have turned out far worse.

The past shapes our present but it is the present that is important because that is what determines our future. I have certainly learned from the past. That is what the past is good for to use as a learning experience. It is the present though that I am concentrating on because that will determine the rest of my life. I certainly don't want to relive my past. Once was enough thank you.

So with a little help from my Guardian of the Present here’s to now. I hope I have the wisdom to make the most of it.

The real counter is 5421.

Being Special

 

"Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease." Dalai Lama

I wonder if other people are as sick of reading about Paris Hilton as I am? Maybe I'm just getting cynical but I am highly suspicious of people who after screwing up big time are all of a sudden talking about God. It all smacks too much of publicity and her needing to change her image. If she were really serious she would be apologizing for the racial and homophobic slurs that are circulating around the net from a tape of her mouthing off. People who really want to change their lives do it they don't talk about it.

It was so refreshing to read another interview with a little blond girl named Bindi Irwin at http://television.aol.com/tv-celebrity-interviews/bindi-terri-irwin. Bindi is the daughter of the late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and she has inherited his passion for conservation and love of all living things. It is hard to believe that she is only eight years old. She is such a poised and mature young lady with a wisdom way beyond her years. She openly talks about her love for her Mom and Dad and baby brother Bob. She talks of her love of animals and her love of performing. She wants to carry on her Dad's work and she is making a wonderful start. A lot of adults could learn a great deal about life from this little girl.

I have a special affinity for young people. It may be because I've always been a kid at heart. We have a young man on the newsgroup who always makes a point of telling me how much he loves my art work. His enthusiasm for a show that his grandfather watched and he himself watched just recently with his Dad is so fun to see. He is also an artist and seems to be such a sweet kid. You can learn a love of life from young people like that.

I have always had a special relationship with my middle godson who suffers from Aspergers. He is a very brilliant child and watching him learn how to cope with Aspergers and the world has really been a life lesson. He is very strongly into things that are Celtic and into fantasy. He loves my stories and can quote back my own dialog to me that I don't remember well enough to quote. He understands the more serious elements that are in the stories and the philosophy and psychology behind the actions of some of my characters. It isn't something you really expect an 11 year old to understand but we can have some wonderful conversations about life as perceived through the fantasy universe I write about.

I worked a lot with young people when I was doing conventions. I often ran the gopher squads and had dozens of young people calling me Mom. We stayed in touch in between conventions and I very much was a mother for some of them. They would turn to me when they had problems and together we would work the problems out. It was always so rewarding to watch these youngsters turn into responsible adults who never lost the ability to be a child at heart.

So for all our young people you are very special to me. We need to treasure our youth and help them grow into good adults who still remain young at heart.

The picture is in honor of little Bindi Irwin and is called All Creatures Great and Small.

The real counter is 5413.

Ah Man Monday Again!

 

After getting the shopping done yesterday I proceeded to sleep most of the rest of the day. The sinus infection has gone into the inner ears making me bounce off of walls etc. Mainly it is making me sleepy.

I am really enjoying my new Prisoner group. The people there are so nice and we are having some fun conversations. They are polite even if they disagree with another person. The good manners are so refreshing over what you see on other parts of the web. I don't know why people seem to think it is alright to be so nasty on newsgroups. The plain mean spiritedness of some people just blows my mind.

We got talking about old television shows and how most of the time when you revisit them they are so disappointing. There are really few shows that stand the test of time. One I had mentioned was the old Rod Serling Twilight Zone. The outcome was someone asking me to do some Twilight Zone themed pictures. This picture Twilight Zone #6 was the result.

I am fascinated by symbols and dream symbolism and went all out on this picture combing the best of both shows. The original opening of the Twilight Zone had Rod Serling standing in front of a desert road that took off into the stars. Two of the symbols that floated by were clocks and windows so I incorporated both into the picture.

The road has become a railroad track symbolizing technology. Whereas anyone can really use a road a railroad track is specifically made for the trains and technology. I took the penny farthing bicycle which is used in ThePrisoner and put it on the tracks. The bike is a throwback to simpler times but in trying to use the technology the tracks has damaged the rear wheel.

The window was used in The Twilight Zone to symbolize looking into another reality or dimension or even into the soul. The road leads straight to the window and of course to Rover the enforcer of the Prisoner.

Hanging over their head is another symbol of authority and that is the stop light. The stop light is mechanically run and rules whether we can stop or go in our cars. We voluntarily agree to observe its authority. However sitting on the stop light is an ape a symbol of man's primitive nature. The ape show our independent nature and hearkens back to the law of the jungle and the survival of the fittest. It is man at his most independent.

In the Prisoner when out hero was out into the woods and nature he discovered that the statues had "eyes" and were used to spy on the villagers. In this picture even nature has eyes as shown by the cactus. Everything is watching.

The clock is distorted because in dreams time is distorted. This particular clock however is an alarm clock and symbolizes the hopes of the dreamer that it will go off and wake him from his nightmare.

The real counter is 5904.

So-So Saturday

 

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao-Tzu

I am feeling much better about my newsgroup. The person who was hoping to drive me away backed down. We are actually having some very good discussions on the show over there now and it is the premier place to be for Prisoner fans. I also was specifically asked to continue to show my art work. I had put up a new piece last night. It is called Wizard's Staff. It reminded me of my Dad and chess as I was doing the picture. My Dad tried to teach me to play chess. He would set up two boards one for me and one for my older brother and play us both at the same time. My brother was always so logical and Dad polished him off as fast as he could so he could concentrate on trying to figure out my game plan. I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't have a plan I was making moves that looked good to me. It is hard to defeat that kind of logic. ;-)

I was thinking this morning that Dad was probably a bit frustrated with me. He could tell, as could other Math teachers, that I had an aptitude for math and logic but just wasn't always that interested. I knew that point A would lead to point D so I would laterally just go there. If forced to I could go back and show you points B and C along the way. My answers were correct but the patience to prove them just isn't there for me. I think he would have like to see me go into his field but eventually he came to accept that my heart is in the arts.

I think it takes a while sometimes for parents and children to come to an acceptance of one another. Parents would like to see their children follow in their footsteps and naturally so. The process of growing up finally ends when each side realizes the other’s strengths and talents and accept each other for what they really are. My Mom and I are a lot closer now then when we were children. In fact today we are going out shopping. I'm really looking forward to spending time alone with her.

The real counter is 5383.

Ferocious Friday

 

The wind has been really ferocious the last few days. My brother was trying to pick up the yard only to find out that debris was coming faster then he could pick it up.

There have been other angry winds blowing around in my life also but they will find I am not going to bend to them. I have been very happy in my new newsgroup. I have found acceptance as an artist and for my opinions on the show. I was actually asked to join this group which shows that I am respected. The person who drove me from the other group has reared his ugly head in an effort to put me down and drive me away from my new group. Not going to happen. This group is moderated and the head moderator is on my side. He is a fellow artist and fan and we have bonded in the last few weeks in our love for the show. So Mr. English stalker this "crazy lady" wins this round. I'm not leaving.

Another "friend" called last night and tried again to turn me against my art mentor. I wish she would just shut up. I am not taking her side. I'm not out there for the fan politics which I despise any way and I am only hearing her side of things which I'm not sure I believe. Dann gave me back my life. If it wasn't for him I would never have had the courage to pursue my art. He gave me back my faith in myself when I was at my lowest point in an abusive marriage. He gave me the love of friendship and with his encouragement I found the strength to trust myself and my talents and leave and start my life over again. I will never abandon that friendship. I owe him my life.

I am not abandoning my friends, the new ones or the old, and no one is going to push me around and make me do something I do not believe in. I am in my newsgroup to stay and I will always be Dann's friend.

The picture is called Sailing Through the Stars.

The real counter is 5372.

One More Day

 

 

 

“Take up one thing and do it, and see the end of it, and before you have seen the end, do not give up. Those who only take a nibble here and a nibble there will never attain anything.” Swami Vivekananda

 

My doctor won’t let me go back to work until tomorrow. I’ll probably play on the computer today. I had an idea for another picture in the Prisoner series last night that I want to do. I am getting enthusiastic response to my art work on my new board. It is such a pleasure to be able to deal with real Prisoner fans and not people who act like Warders. There are some fans who have totally missed the point Patrick McGoohan was trying to make. They feel they are the only fans and anyone new is a threat to them and their domain as “experts.”  Their egos are out of control and they are damaging Prisoner fandom with their behavior. Vicious mean spirited posts and condemnation of a person because you don’t hold with his or her personal views is contrary to what the show is about.

 

I really like today’s quote. I know there have been times when I doubted my abilities to do something and I had to force myself to finish a project. This time last year I was panicking because I doubted that I could do justice to the wedding dress and flowers that I was doing for my niece’s wedding. I wanted everything to be perfect for her and I wasn’t sure I was up to the task. I had promised her that I would do it though and I forced myself to complete the task. When I was finished though I was able to look at what I had done and realized that I could do it. I did make something that was truly beautiful. You can see the results at: http://members.aol.com/michelespoetry/wedding.htm

 

If you don’t have faith in yourself how can you expect others to have faith in you? Not everyone has the same talents but everyone has talent. It is important that a person learn what their talents are and use them. It is also possible to learn how to do new things. There are many classes available that will teach new skills whether they are sewing, flower arranging, stitchery, photography, writing, computer skills, etc.. You owe it to yourself to be willing to try something new. Get a digital camera and start taking pictures. The cameras come with simple programs that help you to make you pictures look good. There are also classes you can take. Get a stitchery kit and sew a piece of art. Again there are classes that will show you how to do it. There is so much beauty in the world and you can contribute to it. Have faith in yourself.

 

The real counter is 5365

Listen

 

"We are on this planet together. We are all brothers and sisters with the same physical and mental faculties, the same problems, and the same needs. We must all contribute to the fulfillment of the human potential and the improvement of the quality of life as much as we are able. Mankind is crying out for help. Ours is a desperate time. Those who have something to offer should come forward. Now is the time." Dalai Lama

I was paying so much attention to Mom who wasn't feeling good that I was ignoring myself. It turns out Mom is doing okay and her chest pains have gone away. I had been ignoring the nausea that I'd been having for several days and suddenly I got really sick at work and had to come home. My stomach had been trying to tell me it had the flu. I should have been listening to what my stomach was saying.

I finished a new picture in my Prisoner series. Someone on my new group had given a verbal description based on my last picture of the hero coming back after 40 years to a ruin of the place that was once the Village. It brought a really powerful vision to my head and I was inspired to do a picture I am calling The Return.

I was thinking about the quote from the Dalai Lama. When I was younger I wanted to be able to change the world. I was full of fire and enthusiasm and like many who are young I was certain that I and my generation could fix all the ills of the world. As I've gotten older I realize that the world will continue in spite of what I think or want in the way it is going. I can't change the whole thing no matter how much I would like to.

If I can't change the world are there things I can change? I think that is the challenge all of us face. Realistically what can we do? I have come to realize that first and foremost I must live my life in a way where I am doing my best to be a positive person and doing my best to act in a manner that promotes peace and understanding. I must make an effort to be nice to my fellow beings and treat them with respect. Maybe if I show respect others can learn to show respect also.

If I can't change the world I can at least give of myself to help others. I can listen to a person who has problems and needs a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I can be here for others. I think if I can do my best interacting with the people I am now then maybe I will have accomplished what I thought I could do when I was young. I may not change the whole world but at least my little part of the world will be a little happier.

The real counter is 5359

Thunderstorm Tuesday

 

"Anger needs to be controlled, but not hidden from yourself." Dalai Lama

We had a tornado warning last night. Fortunately it was spotted in a different county and didn't come near us. It is disconcerting however to hear that siren go off. To say nothing of Merlin's mouth that starts from the minute I come home until I finally get him settled down for the night. He hates storms. Fortunately Pixie is better about them. She is too busy chasing bugs at the moment to worry about a storm.

Last night was another one of those nights where I had difficulty sleeping. Mom had been having chest pains and I was worried about her. Fortunately she has a couple more days off before she works for two days and then three more days off. I wish I could get her to quit completely. Hopefully now that the major repairs are done to the house I can convince her to quit completely. She is going on 81 and does not need to be working even part time.

My niece and I were talking last night. She is so happy now in her current marriage and she was saying how it hardly seems possible that she has been married almost a year to such a wonderful man. She had mentioned that at this point in her first marriage she had discovered that her first husband had been in prison for drugs and he was not a lawyer. She was stuck with no way to get back to her Dad and with a baby to care for. It is so wonderful to see her happy with a decent man who loves her and the children.

I keep hoping that the weather will clear up for a while so that I can get out and walk. It looks like thunderstorms for the rest of the week however. They should be less frequent by the weekend so maybe I can get mother out of the house. I am so worried about her. She has been so tired and weak lately and now with the chest pains. I wish I could do more for her. She had left a note this morning asking me to pick up her medicine if I have time after work. Of course I have the time. I would make the time if I had to. She is number one in my life. I'll do everything I can to take care of her for however much time God lets me have her. One of the reasons I want to walk is because she loves the pictures I take on my walks.

The real counter is 5354.

Must Be Monday

"To receive everything, one must open one's hands and give." Taisen Deshimaru

Well the cats were in at 6:30 AM so it must be Monday. Oh wait they do that on the weekends too. Oh well it is Monday any way and time to start another work week.

I managed to get some walking in this weekend. I walked over by the University and actually met our pastor out for a walk. He is still having problems with his foot and is still in therapy but it was wonderful to see him up and around after that horrible accident when we weren't sure if he would ever walk again. He hopes to be back to work in a couple of weeks.

I was hoping to take Mom out this weekend but she was really tired and didn't feel like doing much other then rest. I gave her the excuse that it may rain and we would do it another weekend. I am worried about this fatigue all the time. Hopefully this coming weekend she will feel better and I can get her out of the house.

I read something encouraging the other day. My ex's first wife is getting married again. I am happy for her. My ex had put her in the worst light possible and when I finally really met her and got a chance to talk to her she was nothing like he portrayed her. She was really a nice person. I wish her and her new husband all the happiness in the world. She deserves it.

It made me think about my own situation though and I realized that if she could heal after 20 years of abuse and decide to marry again then I could also think about it. I am finally getting to the point where I think I could share my life with the right person. I know what not to look for this time. I want the opposite of my ex as a mate.

Another thing that made me happy this weekend was a response to my newest Prisoner picture. It was such a beautiful response and caused a new picture to come into my head that I will definitely be working on. The response to the art in the new newsgroup has been so encouraging. I definitely feel like continuing my art in that genre.

It brings up today's quote however when you realize that you have to give in order to receive. As usual I printed off pictures from my walk yesterday and gave then to my mother. She loves to see the pictures I take and is keeping a portfolio of the pictures. While the walk was beneficial to myself physically it became a bonding experience between my Mom and myself when I shared the pictures. When I shared the art work with the newsgroup it gave others a chance to see what I had done and respond to me. Ironically it didn't help to decide which style of work was best since everyone seemed to like something different from the humorous, to the serious, to the surrealistic. All had their fans.

The picture is called Moonshadow and this was the one that elicited the positive response this weekend.

The real counter is 5349.

What If .....

"Close your eyes, calm your breathing, and focus your attention on the center of consciousness. Thus you will master the senses, the emotions, and the intellect - and thereby free yourself from desire and anger." The Bhagavad-Gita

We had another thunder storm last night. It is a frequent occurrence in the Midwest. They get quite loud, explosive, and sometimes down and outright scary. I couldn't be on line so I decided to try once more to see if I could figure out how to do a picture of a thunderstorm from the inside of the clouds. It was a "what if" moment. What if I put a cloud texture on a sphere would it give me the 3D effect I wanted? The answer turned out to be yes if I used the right cloud texture it would. If I used the right texture for the lightening bolts it would glow like lightening. The results ended up being a picture I am calling Up In The Air Tonight.

There are a lot of "what if" moments in life. Sometimes though you have to allow yourself to be open to them to make them happen. What if will take you out of your comfort zone and that can be a good thing.

What if I take the sleeves from a pattern for an elf princess dress and put them on the dress patterned after a Renaissance Faire wedding dress? Would I have a Princess Bride dress? The answer was a definite yes and what a beautiful bride she was. What if I start at the end of the bridal bouquet and worked my way up would I get the cascade effect I want? Yes that works too. I had never made something as complicated as a wedding dress and veil in addition all of the flowers for the wedding party. I looked at material and trim and lace and flowers and fans etc. but still I needed to take that what if step. It turned out beautifully and we are coming up on the first anniversary of my niece's wedding.

It was 10:30 PM and the grocery stores were closed and I just realized I needed a salad for noon the next day. What if I go through the pantry and refrigerator and see what I have available to use? The results were one of my most asked for recipes the "I'm Making This Up As Fast As I Can Pasta Salad." You can find the recipe at http://members.aol.com/michelesrecipes/im_making_this_up.htm

What if you have the courage to admit you are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out? What if you have to start your life all over in a new place thousands of miles away from people you know in order to be safe? Can you do it? It was something I had to face. It was the scariest thing I ever had to do but if you can find the courage inside of you then you can accomplish even that wrenching of a life change.

What if you let go of your anger? Can you learn to forgive those who have hurt you? Can you rise above your own hurt feelings and forgive others? Can you apologize to people you have hurt and ask for their forgiveness? What if you take you life into your own hands and learn to love and respect yourself and others? Just imagine how much happier you will be. “What if” two little words that can change your life

The real counter is 5343.

Seriously Saturday

 

"Unfortunately, love and compassion have been omitted from too many spheres of social interaction for too long. Usually confined to family and home, their practice in public life is considered impractical, even naive. This is tragic." Dalai Lama

I was shocked last night when one of my favorite characters was killed off on Stargate Atlantis. I really liked the character because he was always so kind and decent. I'm not sure what the background story is in the real world but in the world of the show he will be sadly missed.

I started off my Saturday morning with two cats deciding that it was 6:30 AM and mommy should be up. Pixie decided that she really needed to be in my window in order to talk to the noisy birds outside. Unfortunately that entails jumping up on the bed and walking across me to get to the window. Sigh, I wish those two would learn to tell the days of the week so I could sleep in once in a while on the weekends.

I found today's quote by the Dalai Lama to be especially meaningful in my life. I have been called naive when I urged combatants on a newsgroup to drop the fight and make up. That it is better to forgive then continue petty feuds. I may be in the minority but I feel that there is no place in life for the kind of vicious posts that many people feel that the anonymity of the net gives them the right to post. I was brought up to show good manners and I don't think that the Internet should be any different then the way a person would behave if they were face to face with a person. People who hide behind false names on the net and use that to try and destroy another person with whom they disagree for any reason are cowards. I use my real name when I post. I have nothing to hide.

I finished up another picture last night. This is the other part of the sailor's quote. It is called Sailor's Warning."

The real counter is 5338.

Delightful Friday

What a wonderful way to start a Friday. A friend posted an interview over at my new Prisoner newsgroup (http://www.oddball-mall.com/the-prisoner/viewthread.php?tid=427) with Patrick McGoohan. He has always been one of my favorite actors. He talks about acting, his love for his wife Joan, and being Irish. He is proud of his roots and unlike some who think your ethnicity comes wholly from where you were born he realizes that his roots are being born to Irish parents and living in their homeland for many years. He knows he is Irish and is proud of it. Good for him.

I think many people try to reinvent themselves and fail to appreciate what they really are. I know a lot of people try and stick Tiger Woods as being African-American without taking into account that he is also 1/4 American Indian, 1/4 Korean, and 1/4 Caucasian. He is proud of all of his roots and he should be.

I myself am a Heinz 57 variety with Irish, Scot, Cherokee, Amish, and English mixed in there. I jokingly asked Andrew Greeley what I should call myself and he replied "Irish." ;-) I think a person should be proud of what they are and embrace all of their ethnicity and religious beliefs. Everything you are contributes to what type of person you are but you are also part of the whole known as humanity. A person owes it to him/herself to be proud of their heritage as long as that pride does not become a tool of prejudice towards others.

I was thinking of my Irish grandfather last night when a saying he used popped into my head. “Red sky in morning sailors warning. Red sky at night sailor's delight.” This picture is called Sailor's Delight and I really love it. Yes there is also a picture called Sailor’s Warning but it needs a tad more work done on it.

With a little "luck of the Irish" the weather will settle down and I can get back to my walking. There are still flowers that I need to capture with my digital camera and besides it helps my arthritis to walk.

The real counter is 5329.